Photo by Warren Wong on Unsplash

Just as a reminder, there are certain things that are attractive to godly men and certain things that are unattractive to them. Some things are general and apply to all men who are sincerely following Christ as Lord. Some things are more individual.

Today, let’s imagine a scenario where you, a single Christian woman who is seeking to love the Lord wholeheartedly and to walk in holiness, find yourself interested in a man who is also seeking the Lord with all his heart. Let’s imagine that you go to school or church together. So you see each other fairly often. You are interested in getting to know him better, but you don’t see him making any moves your way. What can you do?

These are suggestions, not rules, to prayerfully consider (and they may require the power of the Holy Spirit):

  1. Pray and invite God to work in the situation. Ask Him to lead you and this guy you are interested in. Ask Him to help you have His wisdom and discernment to know if this guy would be a good one to consider.
  2. Smile and be friendly. Use a pleasant tone of voice.
  3. Don’t ignore him or play games. Go talk to him and get to know him.
  4. Ask some friendly questions (in a casual way, not like an interrogation) about him and let him have some time to respond.
  5. Watch his body language and his words. Respect what he communicates to you. Take his words at face value. If he communicates that he is not interested or that he has a girlfriend or a wife, honor that and give him space. If he seems interested and he smiles a lot and seems to enjoy talking, assume it is okay to continue being friendly.
  6. Be warm, welcoming, and inviting.
  7. Show genuine admiration and respect for him. Treat him like a grown adult.
  8. Show respect for yourself.
  9. Don’t insult him or say negative things about him, his friends, or his family – to him or to anyone else. Avoid being disrespectful.
  10. It’s okay to mention that you’d love to get together some time to get to know each other better if you can see that he is open to a friendship. If he is interested, he’ll pick up on that and invite you to do something.
  11. It’s fine to give him your number in a friendly way.
    • “Oh, here’s my number. You’re welcome to text me sometime.”
  12. Avoid texting him too much. If you are texting him a lot more than he texts you, that could be a problem. Try to generally text him in response to his messages to you and to keep things fairly balanced.
  13. Don’t pressure or push him.
  14. Don’t smother him or try to control him.
  15. Don’t cling or be needy.
  16. Relax and enjoy your time together and enjoy the journey rather than trying to force a destination.
  17. Be sure to focus on finding your contentment, security, and identity in Jesus rather than a guy.
  18. Be flexible and able to roll with things.
  19. Respond with dignity, patience, kindness, and understanding if things don’t work out the way you had hoped.
  20. Dress modestly to show respect for the Lord, other people, and yourself. Godly men appreciate this greatly!
  21. Do not freak out! Show him that you are emotionally and spiritually stable, peaceful, and gentle.

I hope these ideas may be a blessing. It’s a great idea to get to know a guy’s personality and character a good bit before you commit your heart to him. Don’t be afraid to go on group dates or to just be friends for a while as you get to know each other. If you really want to see someone’s true character, it is best revealed during difficult times. Maybe you could do some kind of service project together or something that is a bit challenging. You may learn a lot about him – and about yourself!

Note – I know I write about dating relationships and preparing for marriage. But it is also totally fine not to date and to be content being single.  In Christ we can be content whatever our situation and we can trust Him to lead us. <3

Much love!

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