From a single brother in Christ, this is his first time sharing here. I pray his words might bless you:
I spent many years feeling sorry for myself, thinking that women just don’t love me. And then God intervened—in a HUGE way.
I’ll tell you the basics of what God impressed upon my heart. About 10 years ago, I joined the prayer team ministry at my church. I pray with a group of people during the church service. We pray for what is going on in the service—that the Holy Spirit would teach as the pastor preaches his sermon, that the ears of the congregation would be open, that the music would bless the people, that God would be glorified during the sermon, etc. We ask the Holy Spirit to bring things to our minds that we should give to God in prayer. Eventually, I started to realize that my prayers were literally my LOVE LETTERS going to God on behalf of others. I learned that I could love others through prayer. I started to take this approach to my singleness. I started to realize that if I could not love one woman through marriage, maybe there was a special calling on my life.
I decided that if I could not love one woman through marriage, then I would just love ALL WOMEN through prayer.
There was to be no more self pity. My attitude changed for the better. Valentine’s Day was no longer a day for self pity. Yesterday was Valentine’s Day. Instead of feeling sorry for myself, I spent much of the day praying for women, loving them with all of my heart through prayer. And I noticed several women who were wearing pretty dresses. I walked up to a couple of them and said to them—“I really like your dress. It looks very pretty on you.” These ladies appreciated my compliment.
Singleness cannot stop me from loving women. Rejection cannot stop me from reaching out to women. So much of life is all about attitude and asking God to give us victory in spite of our circumstances.
I have no reason to feel sorry for myself. I’m in the eternal family of God. God loves us with all of His heart—-and He will one day make sure that EVERYBODY loves us in The New Heaven and New Earth. If only hurting singles could understand this wider, eternal perspective. Praying for a woman to come to know Jesus is the most loving thing that I can do for her. It is more loving than giving her a candlelight dinner. Candlelight dinners are wonderful, but I want ALL WOMEN to know Jesus. I want EVERY PERSON to know Jesus and I want to be a useful tool in the hands of God. I love women with all of my heart and will continue to reach out to them in appropriate ways.
I feel so sad for the lonely singles in the church. I know how their hearts long for the companionship of a person of the opposite sex. I know that pain very well. The pain hits a person from so many angles. The pain can be overwhelming. I know. I lived with that pain for 45 years of my life. I would see a pretty woman walking down the street in a pretty red dress and I would long to be with her or ask her out on a date. She’d walk away and I would say to myself—“I’ll never see her again.” Suddenly, I would feel the dagger going through my heart again. I would cry out to God—“God, I cannot take this pain anymore.”
But then I learned a principle. God intervened once again. It was as if God had spoken to me face to face. I learned that I could love ANYBODY through prayer. God knows everything about the person for whom I am praying. He also loves that person. I now have a prayer notebook at home that contains over 200 listings of over 200 women. Most of these listings are of women whose names are unknown to me. For example, I might make a logging like this:
“Woman at Denny’s Restaurant, September 22, 2015, beautiful smile, dark brown hair, pink blouse. Lord Jesus, please touch her heart with the truth of the Gospel. I write about this woman on paper in anticipation of this woman’s name being written in The Lamb’s Book Of Life. Lord Jesus, I care about this woman’s eternal destination and relationship with You. I know that You love her. I want to love her, too, in Heaven. In the meantime, I’ll love her through prayer for the rest of my life. Thank You, Jesus, for bringing her before me. I give her to You today. In the name of Jesus I pray, Amen.” I don’t hurt anymore when women walk away. I just love them through prayer and God gives me the support that I need. This is just one of the ways that I can deal with any loneliness that comes my way.