A reader asked me some questions.  I thought I would share with  you, too.  (Greg and I have been married for 19 years this May.)

If there are topics you would like me to address, please let me know!  You may leave a comment.

1.. What is ONE thing that you wish you learned before you got married?  

Both of my blogs are about all the stuff I wish I had learned before I got married!!!!!  Hmm…  One thing?  Yikes.  I don’t think I can keep it to just one thing. 🙂
  • I wish I had understood God’s design for marriage/masculinity/femininity.
  • I wish I knew how much poison I had unknowingly swallowed from our culture and knew all the things I should have questioned.
  • I wish I knew what it meant to be a good follower.
  • I wish I knew how to respond when I did not agree with my husband.
  • I wish I knew my husband was not a woman!  That sounds obvious, right?  But I had no idea that he doesn’t think, feel, process emotions or talk like I do.  That does not mean he’s wrong.  It means he is different.
  • I wish I knew how to respond with grace when I didn’t get my way.
  • I wish I had understood that different does not mean wrong.
  • I wish I had understood that I was NOT ALWAYS RIGHT!
  • I wish I had some humility.
  • I wish I had understood we were on the same team and that he didn’t have evil motives towards me.
  • I wish I had understood to respond with respect even when I felt very unloved.
  • I wish I had a clue what respect and disrespect were!
  • I wish I had understood biblical submission – first to Christ and then to my husband.
  • I wish I knew what it meant to make Christ LORD and to die to self.
2.  What was the biggest surprise about married life?
Biggest surprises
  • I am NOT the Holy Spirit!!!!
  • I am a HUGE SINNER!!!!
  • God knows how to make marriage work.  Our culture does not.  His design is VERY good, life giving and beautiful!
But the even bigger surprise, that God can take even all my sinfulness and turn it into something glorious for His Name’s sake.
God is truly sovereign, even over me.  Even over my husband.  Even over our marriage. I did NOT get that before!  🙂
3. How do you believe you have changed since you married your husband?
  • God has grown me from a disrespectful, PRIDEFUL, selfish, self-righteous, stubborn, unforgiving, bitter woman who lived in the power of the flesh and was lonely, worried, afraid and stressed a lot  (in the beginning of our marriage) – to a woman filled with the power of His Spirit, with a gentle, peaceful spirit that does what is right and does not give way to fear.  Now I know how precious, rare and beautiful this kind of godly femininity is and how POWERFUL it is.  He has changed me completely!  THANK YOU, LORD!  He did a 100% renovation on my heart, mind and soul.
  • I have learned to die to self.  That HURTS!
  • I have learned to submit fully to Christ.  I used to think I was such a strong Christian.  But I was not!   NOT AT ALL.  I really trusted myself, not God.
  • God has humbled my heart and He has total access now.
  • It is ALL HIM. The power has to come from Him.  The wisdom has to come from Him.   There is nothing good in me apart from Him!
  • Now I know what respect is and what disrespect is.  I can speak the masculine language of respect fluently with my husband!  THANK YOU, GOD!
  • I know what biblical submission is now and how to live it out- to Christ and to any God-given authority, including my husband.  Biblical, godly submission brains freedom, peace, joy, miracles and glory to God.
  • I know what my husband needs now and how to fulfill his masculine needs.   I used to BEG him to tell me what he needed.  I tried to give him more and more love – but that didn’t work.  He was so distant for many years.  I didn’t understand why.  He never told me I was disrespectful or controlling.  I thought HE needed to change.
  • Now I understand my husband so much more.  I understand men so much more.  There is this whole  amazing world of masculinity I knew nothing about that has opened up to me.  It is beautiful, awe-inspiring and breath taking!  There is so much to learn about God’s character in that world.

I LOVE God’s ways.  I adore His wisdom.  His ways are so much higher than my own!  I have His peace and joy every day.  I live in excitement and anticipation because each day with my Jesus as my LORD!

4. What is the best thing about being married?
  • SEX IS AWESOME in marriage (We waited till we were married, I am so glad!) – the depth and richness of it , the holiness of it – what an amazing, priceless, sacred, mind-blowing gift from God.  I cherish that gift God has given us to share together and the way that sex bonds us together in so many ways I never expected and the way it points to the one Spirit relationship Christ wants with us.
  • I love the emotional and spiritual intimacy – and have grown to appreciate the kind of intimacy my husband offers to me instead of demanding my expectations be met.
  • But I also am thankful for  the loneliness and pain I have gone through.  It drove me to my knees.  I am forever thankful for the struggles and pain – it was the pathway that led me to really knowing and trusting Christ.
  • I love the oneness and the teamwork.
  • I love seeing my husband playing in the yard with our kids.   Watching him hold our newborn babies with tears streaming down his face is one of my favorite memories ever!  Sharing that moment of the miracle of our children entering the world.  WOW!!!!
  • I love not having to say goodbye.
  • I love being in the same bed every night.  That is my favorite time of day – when Greg holds me and plays with my hair and we talk while he watches tv.  I feel more relaxed in his arms than I do anywhere else.  I melt when he touches me.
  • I feel so cherished, adored, safe and loved.
  • I love seeing him become more and more the man of God that God desires him to be.
  • I love trusting Jesus to lead me through my husband and then all the miracles that God does when we are both trusting Him -it’s  the biggest, most exciting adventure ever!
  • Marriage points me to Christ.  It makes me have to rely on Him totally and live by faith. I HAVE to put Him first or marriage does not work!
5.  How do you believe your relationship with Christ has changed since you have been married?
The more I learn about marriage, the more I learn about my relationship with Christ.  The parallels are AMAZING!  I have such intimacy and joy in Christ now.  I LOVE Him more than anything else.  The idols are gone.  I can’t wait to spend time with Him in His Word and prayer every day.   He is using me to reach thousands of women around the world with the truth of His Word – I get to see Him change dozens and dozens of women and marriages.  IT IS SO ADDICTIVE!
God has used our marriage to make me holy and to glorify Himself.   There is nothing better than that!
6.  What is the greatest lesson you have learned about yourself since you have been married?
You know I can’t just give one answer!
  • I must decrease and He must increase.
  • My wisdom is worthless.
  • Christ’s wisdom is precious.
  • God’s way is the only way to real contentment.
  • When I trust myself, I will be miserable and make a lot of other people very miserable.
  • When I trust Christ – this is TRULY abundant Life!
  • I am in desperate need of Christ every moment.
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