I am so thankful to the reader who allowed me to share her comments from “If Only I Had THIS, I Would Be Happy!”
Wow! Just Wow! God has been working on this exact thing in my heart so much lately. I am fighting to be content. Yes, fighting, because my nature is to desire “things” and “love” from others. He is enough! I know it in my heart, but my desires sometimes struggle to match my heart. Sad but true.
Recently, I texted my pastor (who is a great friend of mine since we were young) and told him that I was sad it took me so long to realize I was living my dream. I have always dreamed of serving in ministry. I am leading a group for ladies on Tuesday nights. We have a Bible study, time of worship, prayer, and fellowship. I am also leading a group from my home on Wednesday nights. I LOVE digging in the Word and bringing His truth to ladies that are hungry for more of Him.
I always thought I needed an man to fulfill my dreams, but I am living my dream and it only took God! He tugged on my heart and I reluctantly said yes, knowing that my past is so spotted and full of sin.
But, He spoke to my heart and I realized that my value to Him is not in my past, but in my eternity. That my worth is not in the size of my waist or in the size of my chest, but in the size of my savior! So, here I am living my dream, bubbling over with joy (though at times heart broken), and it just dawned on my recently that this is fulfillment. This is “living the dream”. Yes, I still hurt and my heart longs for a mate, but it is a different longing. My savior completes me. He is who I run to first. He is who hears the depths of my heart. It is refreshing to not have to find a man who will love me and make me feel desired. I spent so many years doing that and was left feeling unloved, used, and empty. Jesus never runs away from me when I struggle, gain or lose weight, cry over silly movies, turn down sex b/c it dishonors God, or show all quirky parts of me… In fact, I think He draws closer because I am letting down my guard and trusting His guidance.