Peaceful Single Girl Is Moving!

Peaceful Single Girl Is Moving!

We are moving from www.peacefulsinglegirl.wordpress.com to www.peacefulsinglegirl.com   We will get more information to you as things are ready.   Thank you for your patience as we transition! Hopefully things will be up and going properly later this...
Preparing Our Hearts for a Review of "Through a Man's Eyes" by Shaunti Feldhahn and Craig Gross

Preparing Our Hearts for a Review of "Through a Man's Eyes" by Shaunti Feldhahn and Craig Gross

Shaunti Feldhahn is one of my favorite authors. She is a social researcher and Christian author who does large scale, statistically accurate surveys of men and women to discover how we think and relate to each other. What a blessing to the Body of Christ! Her book, “For Women Only,” was the book that most helped me begin to understand men in general – and was a fantastic place to start to begin to understand my own husband. It gave me a starting point to begin having some fascinating discussions with Greg about his masculine world, his perspective, the way he thinks, and the issues he faces as a man. One of the most difficult chapters in the book, “For Women Only,” for many women, is the chapter about how men are “visual” and what that means in real life. For lots of women, much of the information Shaunti shares from her surveys of men – is new information that we didn’t ever understand or even hear much about before. Some women handle learning this new information well – but a minority of women completely freak out. The point of learning about these things is that we might be better informed, equipped, and empowered to BLESS our men, our future marriages, our sons, our brothers in Christ, and to please the Lord. One of the reasons Shaunti teamed up with Craig Gross (pastor and founder of www.xxx.church.org) is to explain the whole “how men think” and what it means that men are “visual” in a bit more detail – and to better equip us as women to respond in...
Ten Ways to Bless Your Man – VIDEO

Ten Ways to Bless Your Man – VIDEO

  (Note – I am assuming that you are seeking to live wholeheartedly for Christ and that you would only date/court a man who wants to submit his life fully to Christ.)   Blessing a man you love is really pretty simple – they don’t ask for a lot, honestly.  But this does require the power of God’s Spirit filling us to overflowing because men have some needs that are different from our own. If we are not careful – we will expect them to think, talk, and act like women, and we will try to love them the way we want to be loved. Men have their own special way of feeling loved. A lot of is it about treating them with respect. Do these things on this list – not to manipulate your man or to get what you want – but just to bless him and honor Christ. Our men can tell when we are insincere or when we are trying to manipulate. And even more importantly, our motives matter greatly to God! 1. Assume the best. 2. Seek to understand rather than to condemn. 3. Be filled up with God – joyful, content, and at peace in Christ. 4. Be his friend. 5. Be loyal – keep confidences. 6. Speak highly of his family. 7. Say positive things to your man and about him behind his back. 8. Be flexible. 9. Be interested in his world. 10. Accept him as he is.   RELATED:   Godly...
There Are No Guarantees That We Will Get What We Want

There Are No Guarantees That We Will Get What We Want

April in the spring of 1994, a few months before Greg and I got married. You might actually find a guy with very few red flags who seems totally ready to be a godly husband. And you might think you have practically no red flags yourself. You may assume that you are going to live “happily ever after” once you get married. But please keep in mind that “in the world, you will have trouble.” Some flags don’t really show up well until after marriage. Some people are able to hide their flags and pretend to be what we want them to be until after the wedding. Sometimes new flags pop up that were never there before. And sometimes hard things come – even without flags or warning. I didn’t understand that before we got married. There is no guarantee for any of us that if we pick “just the right spouse” we will always have everything we want and never have trials – or that our husband will be everything we expect him to be. In fact, Scripture promises us that we will face problems: “those who marry will face many troubles in this life, and I want to spare you this.” 1 Corinthians 7:28b “I have told you these things, so that in me you may have peace. In this world you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world.” John 16:33 We WILL have trouble in this life. We WILL have problems in our marriages – or in our singleness, for that matter. And there is one answer to our troubles. Jesus! God...
Preparing to Marry a Man on a Mission

Preparing to Marry a Man on a Mission

Some of you are considering marrying a man who believes he has a calling from God to be a pastor, a minister, a missionary, or something similar. I believe that extra care and prayer is wise as you prepare for such a venture. There will be additional challenges that other couples may not face. Of course, most of these things we will talk about would be applicable to any marriage. But they will be even more important for those entering any kind of ministry. If you are considering marrying a man who is living in submission to Christ and who is following God’s call on his life, I would love for you to study and pray ahead of time about things like: If he makes a very modest income What will you do to support that and to avoid building up resentment? Are you going to be willing to live humbly, frugally, and within your means without complaining? Will you embrace that your treasure is not here on this earth, but in heaven and that your sacrifices are for God’s kingdom and the Gospel and they are worth it? Are you going to be willing to help bring in additional income, if needed, withhout resentment? Are you willing to honor his God-given leadership in your marriage and family even if you also work and make more money than he does – acknowledging that God has set husbands as the leaders in their marriages and that the position of leadership in God’s economy is not based on who earns the most money (1 Cor. 11:3, Eph. 5:22-33. Titus 2:3-5)? If...
The Beauty of Not Rushing a Man

The Beauty of Not Rushing a Man

  A guest post from a single sister in Christ in her 40s – thank you so much for sharing with all of us the treasures God has been showing you: I wanted to share some things I have been learning through my journey of liking a godly wonderful man and all of the precious lessons God has been teaching me through it all! I know, boy do I know, how hard it is to wait on God and a godly man’s timing when we like someone! I have liked someone now since the beginning of March. I admit that we knew we liked each other pretty quickly right after we met and were very attracted to each other. He kissed me the minute we both confessed our feelings to each other. TOO much too soon! Soon after that we talked and decided not to kiss any more (it was hard to do,but I think VERY very wise on his part to do that and for us to back off of that. I don’t think it would have been good for a relationship to start off on just physical attraction.) That allowed us to get to know each other as friends first and base things on that. I had some strong feelings already at that point and when he backed off, I assumed that because he was not asking me out, he was not interested any more. NOT TRUE! He wanted to get to know me better first, take a look at what spiritual fruit I was displaying, how I treated others, (we are former coworkers) my walk with Christ,...
Red Flags – Part 2

Red Flags – Part 2

  Remember, the red flags I mentioned in the first post (and today’s post) don’t mean “you can never marry a guy with this issue” or that “you can never get married if you have these issues.” They mean that these are things you will probably want to deal with in a godly, thorough way BEFORE you get married. When I call something a red flag, I mean – slow down, pray, seek godly wisdom, seek God’s will, ask for God to show you the way and desire Him more than this guy you are interested in. And remember, these red flags are issues for men and women that I believe need to be addressed in the relationship in a thorough, godly way before marriage with plans to continue addressing them after marriage. Some additional red flags: A history of mental illness – This doesn’t mean you shouldn’t marry a man, but, it does mean that you will want to research what is going to be involved in being married to a man with these issues. You may want to talk to some wives whose husbands have these kinds of issues. Or if you have mental illness, you and your man may want to talk with some couples whose wives have these kinds of issues. And you will want to find a lot of support and godly resources to help you prepare and deal with the extra challenges that will likely come in a potential marriage. Once you are married, it is “for better or worse, for richer or poorer, through sickness and health, as long as we both...
"Putting the Breaks on Sexual Temptation with My Boyfriend"

"Putting the Breaks on Sexual Temptation with My Boyfriend"

  A guest post by Surrenderedgirl – I am excited to share what God is doing in her life. May her post bless your walk with Christ, as well: I met my boyfriend on a college church retreat at the beach. He was the first boyfriend I ever had, and he swept me off my feet. He became my world, and I thought he was perfect. He had everything I wanted in a man; he was handsome, sweet, and a christian. What more could a girl ask for? We hung out as often as we could, usually several times a week for hours on end. My boyfriend wanted to make my first kiss special, so he decided that we would wait until we had dating a month until we kissed. When the time came, we had our first kiss, but it quickly turned into full on making-out. After it happened, I immediately broke down in tears in front of him, and told him I thought we were doing too much physically. So we made the plan to wait another three months to kiss again. It was a noble plan, and we successfully went a whole three months without a single kiss. However, my boyfriend became creative with other ways we could be close without kissing. In his defense, he is naturally a very affectionate and loving person. Unfortunately this led to us spending a lot of time cuddling and kissing. Unfortunately, this struggle continued for months in our relationship. I was fine with holding hands, but we usually ended up making out. I was too naive and passive, so...
I Made My Boyfriend into an Idol – by Surrenderedgirl

I Made My Boyfriend into an Idol – by Surrenderedgirl

  A guest post by Surrenderedgirl – I’m so thankful for the opportunity to share what God is doing in this dear sister’s life. May her post richly bless you, as well: After several months of dating, I had built up resentment towards my boyfriend. I don’t naturally talk about my feelings much, so I would usually just keep things inside. Instead of talking things out, I would give him the silent treatment, and I would make it clear with my body language and facial expressions that I was upset at him. This made him sympathetic towards me at first, but eventually it just put distance and tension between us. I eventually realized that I wasn’t accomplishing anything by doing this. I began to feel frustrated in my relationship with my boyfriend. I loved my boyfriend, but it seemed like he was always disappointing me or doing something I didn’t like. I then discovered the book “The Proper Care and Feeding of Husbands” by Dr. Laura Schlesinger (from April – I LOVE this book! Just please keep in mind that the author is Jewish, not a Christian, although, she does quote the New Testament in support of God’s design for marriage). Through that book, my perspective of men and my boyfriend changed dramatically. It turned out I was focusing on all the negatives in my boyfriend, I was harboring resentment, and I didn’t understand how different women are from men. All these things had resulted in disrespectful behavior toward my boyfriend who really hadn’t done anything wrong. Once I stopped putting so much pressure and expectations on my boyfriend,...
Am I Still Worldly?

Am I Still Worldly?

Brothers and sisters, I could not address you as people who live by the Spirit but as people who are still worldly—mere infants in Christ. I gave you milk, not solid food, for you were not yet ready for it. Indeed, you are still not ready. You are still worldly. For since there is jealousy and quarreling among you, are you not worldly? Are you not acting like mere humans? For when one says, “I follow Paul,” and another, “I follow Apollos,” are you not mere human beings? 1 Corinthians 3:1-4 If I see jealousy, quarreling, strife, contention, or argumentativeness in my life – that is a flag to me that I am still worldly and not Spirit-filled.  When I submit fully to Christ, His Spirit is in control – my sinful flesh is no longer in control. Here are portraits in Scripture that show the difference between a life that is controlled by the flesh vs. by God’s Spirit: You, my brothers and sisters, were called to be free. But do not use your freedom to indulge the flesh; rather, serve one another humbly in love. For the entire law is fulfilled in keeping this one command: “Love your neighbor as yourself.” If you bite and devour each other, watch out or you will be destroyed by each other. So I say, walk by the Spirit, and you will not gratify the desires of the flesh. For the flesh desires what is contrary to the Spirit, and the Spirit what is contrary to the flesh. They are in conflict with each other, so that you are not to...
I Feel So Alone Spiritually

I Feel So Alone Spiritually

Here’s the honest truth, my precious sisters – we will ALL feel this way many times if we are looking to people to meet our spiritual needs. Whether I am married to a godly man or I am single, I will face seasons – maybe even years or decades – of feeling like I am spiritually alone. But here is the great news!!!!! I’m never alone spiritually! Not when I have Christ Jesus! Jesus promised, “Never will I leave you, never will I forsake you.” Hebrews 13:5 Truthfully, as long as I have Jesus Christ, I can be content with where I am. I can be content in Christ – knowing He is working in me to conform me to be more and more like Himself and that He is working in my circumstances and the lives of others around me, too. His timetable may be a lot longer than mine – but that is okay. For I have learned to be content whatever the circumstances. I know what it is to be in need, and I know what it is to have plenty. I have learned the secret of being content in any and every situation, whether well fed or hungry, whether living in plenty or in want. I can do all this through him who gives me strength. Philippians 4:11b-13 I AM NOT ALONE I may not have the emotional and spiritual connection I long for with a man (even my husband, if I am married) – but God can give me much more emotional and spiritual connection than my husband ever could. Jesus alone can meet...
Modest Clothing Resources

Modest Clothing Resources

Some help for the 30 day Modest Skirts/Dresses challenge: It can feel impossible to find modest clothes at the mall or in most retail clothing stores today. Thankfully, it is not impossible! Here are a few resources I’ve spotted to help you find modest, feminine, beautiful  clothing – you are welcome to share any sites or stores that you would recommend. (I am not being paid to endorse these companies – just want to share some places that might be helpful.) One site has a really good sale going on this week, so I decided to go ahead and share right away. Sierra Brooke – modest, feminine clothing site Soft Surroundings – amazing long dresses and skirts, a bit more pricey, some of the tops are rather low cut Shabby Apple – mostly modest and a bit vintage Neesee’s Dresses – modest site, there is a “modest swimwear” section, but may not be as modest as you might desire Sweet Salt – modest clothing site – there is a great sale going on right now, very affordable! Light in the Box – some very beautiful long skirts at reasonable prices, but also has some immodest clothing, as well HannahLise – a Christian site with long, modest, well-made skirts with no slits ShellSheli – mostly pencil skirts, skirt extenders, layering shells, and modest blouses Style J – many long denim skirts DownEast – modeset dresses and skirts Chadwicks – lots of modest dresses to choose from Mode-sty – many long dresses and skirts, and a wide selection of modest swimwear with various levels of coverage Allure Bridals – Modest Collection wedding dresses Beautifully Modest...
A 30 Day Modest Skirt/Dress Challenge

A 30 Day Modest Skirt/Dress Challenge

April wearing one of her long skirts This post is authored by a single Christian woman in her 30s. Her experience is very similar to mine since I began wearing just skirts (usually ankle length – unless I am running, or cleaning) in March, 2009. If you feel that God may be calling you to try a similar experiment, I would love to hear about your experience! I recently took on a challenge. I challenged myself to wear only modest skirts and/or dresses for 30 days. (I did decide that working out and cleaning house would be exceptions). I am girly by nature, so I assumed that it would just be a difference in dress for me. I already wear skirts and dresses, just not all the time. I am modest in my daily attire, and have been most of my life. I wondered if I would feel differently or learn anything worth noting. I honestly did not think I would feel differently or learn anything. However, I was wrong. Below are a few things that I learned: Men treated me differently. I had more doors held for me. I had more elevators held, bags carried, and heavy objects lifted for me. I wear skirts and dresses to work most of the time, so this surprised me. However, I usually wear suits. But with my new wardrobe, it was as if I was seen as a lady and not competition or someone who desired to be treated the same as a man. (I did not look frumpy or wear sack cloths. I wore long, flowy skirts and dresses)   I felt more...
"I Won't Let My Man Do Something I Think Is Dangerous"

"I Won't Let My Man Do Something I Think Is Dangerous"

A lot of *girlfriends and wives have this viewpoint today. We try to forbid our men from doing the things our guys love to do that could possibly cause injury. We think we are doing this out of love and that we are “protecting our men.” But is this a wise approach? Will it draw your man to you? Do grown men really need or want our protection from their hobbies or decisions? If I handcuff my man to a chair, he may be “safe”, but is he living his life? Is he enjoying me tying him down? Is he free to be the man he wants to be? Is he free to be the man God calls him to be? Do I accept that every grown adult has a free will from God just like I do? Other people cannot force me into decisions and I cannot force them into decisions. God doesn’t override our free will and we don’t have the right to override people’s free will. We can ask for what we want and share our concerns respectfully. We can say what we are and are not able to do. We can set boundaries and limits on what behavior we will accept. We may have to change our own behavior in response to what other people do. But I cannot demand that my man do what I want or force him to do what I want any more than he has the right to do that to me – even if I believe I am right. How do I know that God isn’t prompting my man...