For the young ladies especially – although it applies to all of us…
The choices you make in your teens and twenties will drastically alter the direction of your life and determine much of what your life will be like in the future. If you want to live a godly life, the best time to decide that is as early as possible. Then you can purpose to avoid sin, heartache and regrets and choose your life path wisely from the beginning. I don’t want you to find out too late that the choices you are going to make might keep you from having the life God most desires you to have and that you will most desire in the future. I don’t want you to miss ANY of His blessings.
Of course, whether you get married or not, what I am about to tell you are things that will please God – and that is our ultimate goal whether we are single or married as believers in Christ – to seek to please God above all else. This is how to have abundant life in Jesus as we submit fully to Him as Lord.
I’d like to talk about some simple but powerful ways to be able to have the life you want and the marriage you want – a godly marriage with a strong Christian man.
AVOID THINGS THAT WOULD OFFEND GOD, THEY WILL TURN OFF A GODLY MAN, TOO
- immodest clothing
- pride – thinking “I know best. I’m always right.”
- dating worldly men – even casually
- self righteousness – looking down on others, thinking “I am better than” other people
- close relationships with ungodly people – you will become like those you are closest to
- dysfunctional ways of relating to others (manipulation, people pleasing, playing the martyr, being motivated by guilt/fear, wanting approval of others more than the approval of Christ)
- putting romance, feeling loved, a man, marriage, children, beauty, money, having control, thinness or anything above Christ in your heart
- romance novels, romantic movies, love songs – these things can create unrealistic expectations of men and romance, it can be wise to avoid these worldly things that promote lust sexually or romantically. Worldly romance can easily become an idol for us as women today.
- extravagant and expensive clothing, jewelry, makeup and hairstyles
- being very “independent,” self-sufficient and more career minded than marriage minded
- promiscuity/fornication/sex before marriage
These lifestyle choices and sins lead away from God and away from God’s blessings and are red flags to godly men.
FOCUS ON BECOMING A GODLY WOMAN BECAUSE YOU LONG TO BE WHOLLY DEVOTED TO CHRIST
- cherish your walk with Christ more than anything else
- be humble before God and people
- fear God
- study and feast on the Bible
- focus on healing from childhood wounds
- find all your contentment in Christ
- obey God’s Word because you love God
- abide in Christ and seek to be Spirit filled
- die to self and sin
- it is ok to be more interested in becoming a godly wife than in having a high paying career. You don’t have to agree with your parents that you must have a prestigious college degree with lots of student loan debt.
- It is ok to want to be a housewife or to want to be home, joyfully caring for your husband and children. Be sure that a man you court has this same dream if this is important to you. Don’t spring it in him after you are pregnant. Be sure you both are working toward the same goals. It is important to talk about these things when you are engaged or after he talks about marriage.
- allow your man to lead if you are in a relationship
- only date men who are sincerely committed to Christ who want to obey His Word in everything – not that they are perfect, but that they desire to honor Christ and they repent when they sin
- it is ok to marry young, if you are marrying a man who is devoted to Christ
- cherish your femininity
- be patient and willing to wait on God’s timing, not rushing or forcing things
- be friendly
- find a wise, godly mentoring woman/wife who practices biblical principles and is Spirit-filled
- cherish godly masculinity
- study about the ungodly messages and concepts of the world and avoid these ideologies (Radical Womanhood by Carolyn Mcculley)
- learn what godly femininity is and how to become more feminine in a godly way
- cherish your chastity, virginity and purity (ideally, save your body, heart, soul and mind for your husband. If you have sinned sexually, repent and begin living a chaste life now.)
- seek out responsible, trustworthy, gentle, patient, faithful, generous men of integrity, chastity and virtue.
- seek fulfillment in life from relationships and possibly marriage and children more than career. Many women are devastated when they realize that they spent their 20s working on a career and then it is difficult to find a husband in their 30s or 40s and their biological clock begins to run out. Maybe we have things backwards in our culture today? Maybe it would be wise to seek marriage first and a career later? There is nothing wrong with going to college. But if you go to college for an extended period of time until your late 20s or early 30s and then spend a few years focusing on your career, you may realize that a career is not nearly as fulfilling as being a wife and mother could have been. Women are most fertile in their 20s and early 30s. That is biology. If being a godly wife and mom is important to you – maybe the career won’t be as important. (Check out The Life Ready Woman – by Shaunti Feldhahn – to discover God’s priorities and design for you as a woman and to help determine the path you desire to take in this life.)
- value a man’s Christlikeness and character over his looks, his clothes, his car or his current income.
- learn how to draw out the hero in a man, how to use your feminine admiration and respect to build up godly men.
- seek to understand and empathize with Christian men. (For Young Women Only by Shaunti Feldhahn)
- focus on developing your domestic skills. Learn to cook well, to be frugal with money, to clean the house properly, to do laundry, to decorate, to bake and maybe even to sew or crochet or knit if that seems interesting to you.
- dress in a modest, feminine, classy, graceful way that shows you respect God, your body, your sexuality and men.
- wear your hair long if possible, it is your glory according to I Corinthians 11
- use your words to build up, affirm, encourage, bless and heal, not to destroy
- be interested in others
- be gentle in your mannerisms and speech
- learn what respect means to men
- seek God’s will far above your own
- be flexible
- care about what is important to the godly men in your life
- have godly girlfriends
- let the love and joy and peace of Christ radiate on your face
- take every thought captive for Christ – do not allow yourself to dwell on ungodly thoughts
- develop a thankful heart in all circumstances
- learn more about and trust in God’s sovereignty – this is the key to having His peace. Develop a peaceful spirit that does what is right and does not give way to fear.