I don’t think most women have any idea how difficult it is to be a Christian single man today. There are pressures on our brothers in Christ in our culture and in our churches that put many of them in almost impossible situations. How I pray that we might learn to understand our brother’s perspectives, challenges, difficulties, predicaments and their pain. I pray we might seek to understand them as real people with real feelings. I pray we might seek to bless them and do them good, not to harm them or tear them down.
I believe Christian women would do well to think about and seek to honor Christ and our brothers in these matters:
1. Don’t flirt with a guy you are not actually interested in dating.
Please!!!!!! Ladies, I am begging you, don’t act like you want to go out with a Christian guy and flirt/joke about “When are we going out?” or “Why haven’t you asked me out?” and then when he finally works up the courage to ask you out, turn him down. I doubt that many Christian women could truly fathom the pain that this kind of rejection would cause and the damage it would do to our brothers. We can destroy a man’s ability to trust any Christian women in the future if we act like we are very interested in more than a friendship, but then reject the guy when he takes initiative to ask us out.
Facing rejection is no picnic for anyone. But it is something that is particularly painful for our brothers.
After enough rejection from Christian women, some Christian men give up on Christian women or all women altogether rather than facing that kind of brutal pain and rejection again.
I don’t want to see our brothers and other sisters in Christ missing out on potentially wonderful relationships because we were not sensitive to the men around us about this!
I am not saying don’t be friendly. But I am saying, PLEASE, don’t give very clear signals that you would be receptive to him if he asked you out if you don’t intend to go out with him.
2. Don’t insult men.
Really, don’t insult anyone! Not even in a joking way. I know that a lot of people have a habit of putting people down in jokes, and get a lot of laughs for doing so. But those kinds of sharp, cutting, sarcastic teasing remarks that are actually meant to hurt cause deep pain, sometimes, pain that can last a lifetime.
Our brothers (and sisters) need our respect. Let’s not target anyone or make fun of his appearance, income, height, career, car, mannerisms, clothing, hair, etc…
Let’s practice respect with everyone. Let’s refrain from making negative, critical, cutting, belittling remarks. Let’s not verbally emasculate men in the name of entertainment. “Oh, you could never get a girlfriend, you’re too ….”
Men may seem to us like they can take this kind of teasing and joking at their expense, because they may not say anything to us about their pain – but the insults of women in a man’s life can be crushing. Even if you are not dating him.
Let’s look for the good in the men around us (and women, too!). Let’s focus on things we can admire.
At the VERY LEAST, let’s not put men down or make fun of them. Not in front of them, and not to others when they are not in the room. Better to say nothing at all than to say something damaging to someone else.
Let’s remember that we will be accountable to God for every careless word that comes out of our mouths. Insulting other people is a sinful use of our words. Let’s repent to those we have injured and let’s repent to God if we are guilty of this hurtful behavior.
3. Respect Men’s Emotions
Men look so big and strong – it is easy for us as women to think that they are invincible, and to think that nothing would hurt them. That is not the case! Men have plenty of emotions, just like we do. Some of them may not talk about their emotions as openly as we do, but they do have emotions and they have vulnerable hearts. When you see anger – you are likely seeing the result of great pain.
Women can hurt a man’s emotions in ways that other men never could, especially a woman that a guy is interested in pursuing.
Every human being is made in the image of God. Every person is precious to God. Every person has feelings, desires, dreams and needs. Let’s honor other people, no matter what they look like or who they are.
Realize that our disrespect wounds men, even if they don’t talk about it.
Realize that toying with a man’s emotions just to see if you can get him to fall for you, only to reject him, is cruel.
Let’s be women who honor all of the men (and women, too) in our lives. Let’s not leave people out. Let’s care about everyone and seek to build up everyone. Let’s not purposely mislead the guys we know. Let’s be a safe place for others to be real and vulnerable. Let’s breathe healing into those around us by the power of God working in us and through us to bless everyone we touch.
AND, if we see other women disrespecting our brothers or other sisters in Christ – let’s speak up and call them out on it – speaking the truth in love. Many women have no idea they are being disrespectful today and don’t realize the damage their words and actions can cause. If someone lovingly, gently and firmly confronts them on it – God may use that to open their eyes and draw them to repentance to Him and to others.
I am so thankful for each of you! I know that you are here because you want to become godly women and you want to better understand our brothers in Christ. Thank you for your heart for Christ and for others. I am always very glad to hear from you. Let me know if there are topics you would like us to talk about. I love what God is doing in each of you!!!!!!