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Ben came to Christ 3 years ago.  I think he has a very interesting perspective that the ladies would be wise to listen to concerning Christian women falling for “bad boys.”  Thank you so much for your willingness to answer my questions, Ben!

Hello Mrs. April,

I want to be satisfied with Christ alone but deep down I desire companionship.  Today I went to grocery store.  Women kinda find me attractive I can tell, but I’m being wise. I can be pulled back I know where I come from.  I don’t drink, I don’t party, I don’t smoke. I exercise and take care of myself.  I used to smoke one pack a cigarettes a day.  I am a completely new person.  I desire to help and do good.  Micah chapter 6:8 – I love that scripture.  There’s nothing we can do.

Christian women will always fall for the ungodly guys unless she’s wise and controls her subconcious voices.

You see. it’s like the saying home cooked foods are better but people love fast food which hurt us.  I was thinking maybe if I integrate some bad boy cocky style I can attract a godly woman.  When I was walking in sin I treated girls wrong.  Guess what?  

They found that irresistible.  

I had an attitude that “I could care less” of what she thought of me.  There’s more girls etc…

My problem is not with women.  I can go out and find one, but my church buddies warn me that it would be unwise since they know where I come from.  My only hope is to wait on a real, godly woman to notice me.  I know she would be blessed to have me.   I want to make a difference in this dark world.  I really want to imitate Christ.  I want to tell people and kids the dangers of ganglife and drugs and bullying and sex- and that one day God will dwell with us in His new heaven.  I don’t want to lose this opportunity to serve Christ that’s why I avoid (certain) people, places and things.  My only heartache is the Christians.  Look at how they are. They seem holy but (if you get to) know them, it’s a front.  They are selfish and materialistic and choose whom they want as friends.  

Don’t get me wrong there are genuine Christians but (they) are rare.

In my bad days, I saw many things things I’m ashamed of (now).  I think about why nice, decent girls are so unwise (and) so foolish to hang out with bad boys.  This is an example:

One time some friends took some girls to another friend’s house. They looked nice.  You could tell they were from good families and upper class.  They had no business there.  They were enjoying themselves – but, you see, it was a house where there were guns, drugs, and a bunch of crazy Mexican guys.  Those girls would do anything we told them to do. Why? I think about that now and I wonder why those nice girls didn’t pick Christian guys or college guys or just – good guys.  I have seen nice girls lose interest to keep living because of a bad boy she was in love with.

I will share this true story – my friend who is still a bad boy met a nice girl who had a career, her own home and was a college grad.  They hit it off.  She fell in love with my friend.  He’s a heroin user, (into) drugs, alcohol and gang membership.   But she was head over heels for him.  He started stealing from her, abusing her, burned her car down, broke bunch of cell phones of hers and just lived off her.  But she still was obsessed with my friend.  Finally, my friend commits a double murder and gets life in prison.  She’s alone now – distressed and bitter.  I heard she parties a lot and clubs a lot just doesn’t care no more.  She was a college grad, a nice girl with a career.  She fell for a bad boy and look at the results – her life is turned upside down.  If she woulda been wise and chose a good guy or genuine godly guy  – she would of fared better.  All I can say, it’s just a cycle with unwise women.  They fall for bad boys, get abused and burned.  They finally opened their eyes and its too late.  Their lives (are)  damaged.  Now those same women tell their daughters and nieces and granddaughters to pick men wisely and to watch out for badboys.  Those girls won’t take advice and will also fall for the badboy they open their eyes but its too late.

I do hope I will meet a genuine Christian girl who loves Christ and has a heart for people.

Your first question about motives of “bad boys”- When I was walking in darkness I didn’t know much about Christian women or Christ so I never heard friends or myself preying on godly women.  About decent girls (which maybe some coulda been Christian protestants or Christian catholics) well the only motive was sex.  Sex – and they had to be attractive.  It was all a show to other gangs and people our gang rode with style.  Some girls also were used for criminal activities.

They were just being used.  It’s all selfish motives (on the part of the “bad boy”).  

Girls fall for that smooth talk.

Your second question – Christian women think they can change him.   I’m no psychologist, but I’m sure street smart.  Christian women think they can change the guy because they’re head over heels or immensely attracted to the guy.  They’re blinded by “love” (and) they can’t get past that.  No matter what you tell them, no amount of talk or counsel will change their minds.  Even after abuse and neglect, they’ll still think they can change him.  They’re blind, Mrs. April.  Only when its too late, they accept reality.  When she meets the guy and find him attractive she falls for him and time passes and he starts abusing her and she finally says, “I’m leaving him, he’s changed. I’m leaving him.”   But in reality he’s never changed since she met him he was the same jerk.  It’s just that she felt that attractivness and didn’t want to see clearly.

Your third question – the wisdom I can share from me once being what I was.  I was not part of a street gang.  No, I was part of organized crime.  It was no game, but by the grace of God, I’m walking a new path which I’m going on 3 years.  I have a career now, my own place free from drugs, alcohol and crime.  I help out in ministries.  I was involved in building 200 homes and few buisness shops for needy people in Mexico, feeding the poor and in a ministry to build a fish pond for needy people in Honduras on top of a mountain.  I sponser one child in India. I want to see how Jesus sees.  I feel I’m too much of a nice guy, too (big) hearted, too humble, too noble… that’s why Christian women reject me.  Back to the question – my advice is

  • Watch out who you date.
  • Make sure he’s a genuine godly man.
  • By their fruits you shall know them.
  • Take time to know them.
  • Please don’t fall for the bad boys.  Only trouble and headaches await you with one of those guys.  They’ll end up in prison.  You’ll end up alone and with children.
  • Open your eyes and be wise.  Not all people who say they’re Christians are Christians.  Look for the genuine.

God bless.

FROM PEACEFULWIFE:

I pray that the ladies might heed Ben’s warnings and understand what is truly in the hearts of men who are ungodly.  That is a DESTRUCTIVE path. Please don’t choose that path my precious sisters!

How I wish that every girl had a godly father or brother who could “screen” potential suitors for her.  Sometimes women are not always accurate when the assess a man’s character.  But a godly father or brother would not be so easily fooled.  If you have godly men in your life you can truly trust, please consider asking them to meet men you are interested in before you date them. It could be very wise!

Ladies,

If you don’t have a godly dad or brother to help you discern if a man is a wise choice or not, let’s talk about your situation together here!  

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