A guest post by a 31 year old Christian single woman, Lee Ann:
Have you ever had to face the truth that something you have believed your whole life is a lie? What if it is a lie you have believed from someone you love dearly? What it breaking that bondage is hard and doesn’t come in your own strength?
Words are powerful. We know this; the Bible tells us this very plainly. In searching for scripture about words, I came across one that stopped me dead in my tracks. Matthew 12:36-37:
But I tell you that everyone will have to give account on the day of judgment for every empty word they have spoken. For by your words you will be acquitted, and by your words you will be condemned.”
I have read this many times, but in my search for healing, the words judgment for every empty word jumped out at me. How many times have I slammed my body without even realizing it? How many times have I spoken lies that I have believed without testing them against Scripture first? Wow! EVERY empty word… this has raced through my mind recently.
Messages that we absorb can be toxic.
- When a young lady hears that men do not like girls who look like her for years, she may start to believe that no man could ever find her attractive.
- When a young lady hears that she should never depend on a man, she may start to believe that she should do everything on her own and never fully trust a man.
- When a young lady sees fights with harsh words and intentions to wound, she may learn to internalize all feelings and believe that she should never let anyone know what is going on in her heart.
- When a young lady sees all men walk away, she may be afraid to be herself because if she is, that means that a man will leave.
Do you know where these lies thrive and grow? They thrive and grown in the darkness of our own hearts.
This darkness must be fought with the only thing that can fight darkness – light! We must open our hearts and allows the light of God’s Word to counter the lies, the light of God the Father’s wisdom to understand that these are lies, the light of the love of God the Son (Jesus) to heal the wounds from those lies, the light of God the Holy Spirit to breathe strength and peace to battle the lies.
We must tell our godly mentors the lies we have believed.
It is so easy for us to just let them sit in our hearts. Every single day I realize more and more how destructive secrecy really is. Allow them to help you see truth. We have to let down our guard with them. Let’s not assume that they don’t know what they are talking about because they couldn’t possibly understand what your childhood and adolescence were like. If they are a solid mentor in your life, they love you. They do not want you held under the bondage of lies. They want to see you free from those chains. But, you MUST be willing to let them see your heart.
Another thing we have to remember is that God alone is the one who breaks the chains of those lies.
Do you want to know who is not responsible for breaking chains? The man in your life – not your father, not your husband, not your boyfriend, not your best friend. When you expect a man to break those chains, you are expecting him to be Jesus. My friend, Jesus Christ is the one and only Son of God, 100% God and 100% man. No man can come close to that. And, he should not have to come close to that.
We need to be solid enough in our relationship with Christ, that we don’t need a man to heal us. If we cannot distinguish lies and take them to the foot of the cross, we have no business entering into any type of relationship with a man. Does that mean that we cannot have any issues? No, certainly not. When you start a relationship, insecurities, weaknesses, unhealthy thoughts/patterns will be brought to the surface. That is not wrong.
What is wrong is when we expect a man to heal all those wounds and counter all of those lies. That is putting a weight on him that he cannot possibly bear. He will break under the pressure. And, sometimes, that is just what we want. We want to prove that he is just like every other man, so we keep poking and adding weight until he cannot stand it anymore.
You know how I know we do this? Because I do this! I will find reason after reason that a relationship will not work. I will push and push until a man finally says, “Lee Ann, I cannot do this. I can no longer take the punishment for what other men have done to you”. Then, I wallow in self-pity, pleading with God to know why one man won’t stick, begging to know why just one man cannot love me. What I have failed, time and again, to realize is that I only NEED the love of God. The only way my wounds are healed and the lies are broken are through the Trinity of our Holy Godhead!
Once I realize that, I can actually enjoy a relationship. I can laugh and smile. I can be authentically, Lee Ann. See, the thing with toxic messages we absorb, is that until they are brought into the light, they create a domino effect of hurt and wounds. If I believe that I am ugly and unloveable, it is very likely that I will self-sabotage every relationship, even and probably especially God-ordained relationships. Satan does not want a godly relationship to flourish. He will fight it with everything he has.
We must bring these lies and toxic beliefs into the light, at the foot of the cross.
We must go into a very personal battle of fighting these lies. We must search Scripture, cry out in prayer, listen for God’s voice, involve godly mentors, and be ready to let go of the lies. It can be so scary to let go of something you have believed for so very long – it’s terrifying actually. Your mind starts swirling with all the lies you have believed and all the wounds that you have. You are never too much for your Savior. Soak in those words – you are never too much for your Savior.
There are ladies hear who would be honored to pray with you and lift you up. What lies have you believed from your childhood and adolescence? Let’s allow Christ the freedom to heal us today!