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I know of nothing in the Bible that would prohibit a couple from getting married due to an age difference.  There may be cultural norms and accepted practices – but I am not aware of a biblical issue in this situation.  Of course, if one of the people is under the legal age to marry in that state/country – THAT would be an issue!  I don’t believe it would honor God for us to break the law to marry a very young person.  Not to mention, it would be extremely unwise on so many levels.

God commands us to only marry other believers.  That is the main issue for Him.

WHAT IF YOU WANT TO MARRY A MAN WHO IS MUCH OLDER OR MUCH YOUNGER THAN YOU ARE:

Let’s talk about the advantages and disadvantages that may come with these situations

SOME ADVANTAGES OF DATING/MARRYING AN OLDER CHRISTIAN MAN

  • hopefully greater spiritual maturity
  • hopefully better leadership skills
  • hopefully more godly wisdom
  • possibly greater financial stability
  • possibly greater appreciation for family, marriage and children
  • hopefully he might be able to have more time with you and your children – especially if he is close to retirement age from the military/government
  • it may be easier to respect him because he is older and more experienced in life and faith
  • it may be easier to honor his leadership because of his wisdom

SOME DISADVANTAGES OF DATING/MARRYING AN OLDER CHRISTIAN MAN

  • family/friends may object
  • he may have children who are fairly close to your age – this may cause resentment sometimes for his children
  • you may be caring for an elderly man when you are still fairly young
  • statistically, women usually outlive men.  You would be much more likely to be a widow earlier in life than if you married someone closer to your own age.  Of course, none of us are guaranteed another day.
  • he may be from a different generation with different expectations about marriage – some of that might be good, some of it may be surprising or frustrating to you
  • he may not like the same kinds of music/church services that you do

SOME ADVANTAGES OF DATING/MARRYING A YOUNGER CHRISTIAN MAN

  • you might both be at your sexual prime around the same time if you were to get married
  • he might be able to really get down on the floor and play hard with the children if you have kids one day
  • you will get to watch him grow in maturity as a believer and cheer him on as he becomes the man God desires him to be

SOME DISADVANTAGES OF DATING/MARRYING A YOUNGER CHRISTIAN MAN

  • families may object
  • if you already have children – marrying any other man can be an issue for your children being able to respect their step-father.  This may be even more difficult if your children and your husband are close in age.
  • he may not have strong leadership skills yet
  • he may not have fully matured in his faith
  • he may be lacking in life experiences and wisdom
  • it could be more difficult to respect him because you may more easily feel that you are “older and wiser”
  • it could be more difficult to honor his God-given leadership in the relationship if you feel you “know better” than he does.

Ultimately – please seek God’s voice and wisdom about whomever you desire to marry.  Seek God’s will far above your own!  Be sure that you are not turning your man or the idea of a wedding or marriage or children into idols.  But keep Christ squarely FIRST in your heart by miles compared to everyone and everything else.  I pray God will give you wisdom about whom to date and whom to marry and that you might have a strong, godly, vibrant marriage in God’s timing and in His will.  Most of all, I pray  that your life brings great glory to God!

A REAL LIFE STORY

A wife whose husband is 10 years older than she is wrote to me and told me some challenges that they have faced in their marriage:

  • He gets tired much more quickly than she does and is already dealing with arthritis/aching joints.
  • She desires sex every day, he only desires sex every few days. (That can be an issue regardless of age, that one partner has a stronger drive than the other.)
  • He is from a different generation, likes different music and thinks about life from a very different perspective.

But she is very happy in her marriage and they are raising 3 children together and work well as a team.

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