I write very specifically for women, and very specifically not for men – although men are welcome here and many find healing in Christ here, too. My calling is Titus 2:3-5 and to “make disciples” for Jesus in the Body of Christ (primarily with women) – part of the Great Commission.
Sometimes, because I only address women and what we can control, some women mis-hear me and think I am somehow saying that women are 100% of the problem in relationships.
Let me be very clear – men and women are both very capable of causing all kinds of problems, pain, and issues in relationships. We are all sinners.
- For all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God. Romans 3:23
When we are not filled with God’s Spirit but the flesh is in control, all of us are capable of destroying our relationships in countless ways. Men and women. When we are filled with God’s Spirit, there is no limit to the goodness that God will bring about in our lives.
– Women are not responsible for 100% of the problems in relationships.
– Men are not responsible for 100% of the problems in relationships.
– We are each (men and women) responsible for our part; our sin and our obedience to Christ. All of us have room to grow.
God’s Word applies to us all!
We are each responsible individually to God for every thought, motive, word, and deed. We are each responsible to God to walk in holiness and obedience to Him and to avoid sin as we allow His Spirit to empower us.
MY STRATEGY AND APPROACH WITH MINISTERING TO WOMEN:
When a woman comments on my blog and she is in great pain emotionally and spiritually, here are my goals:
- Love her. See her with God’s eyes and with His love.
- Sympathize with her pain.
- Gently ask some questions so I can get a more accurate picture of where she is spiritually and where her boyfriend/fiance (if she has one) is spiritually – kind of a spiritual triage. I think of this site as being like a spiritual ER.
- Encourage a woman with extremely severe issues to find a godly, experienced counselor (or medical help, or even police help – whatever is necessary) to work with one-on-one who can get to know her in person and provide the resources she needs if she is dealing with uncontrolled addictions, mental health issues, unrepentant infidelity, or abuse. I want everyone to be safe and to have all of the resources they need for their specific situations.
- Address any “bleeding, severe wounds, or major scars” in a woman’s life independently from the issues she has with her guy and his sins. I ask her to examine her own life against God’s Word and be willing to get rid of any sin she may have been cherishing (knowingly or unknowingly) in her heart so that she can fully yield to Christ as Lord and begin to experience His power and His healing in her own life.
- Examine any unbiblical thinking that she may have that could be hindering her spiritual health with the goal of replacing any lies of the enemy with the truth of the Bible.
- If she is dating a man who is not a believer in Christ, I talk about that with her and that God commands believers only to marry other believers. If she wants to live for Christ, she will need to let go of a man who doesn’t want to live for Christ.
- When she is spiritually “stabilized” in Christ, then she and I can pray together in the power of the Holy Spirit for her life and for her problems or the man in her life. At that point we may pray for God to draw her man to Himself in His timing by His Spirit. But until a woman is in fellowship with Christ, her prayers are not going to be effective. So her spiritual health is my first priority.
The first goal I have is for each woman to be in right standing with Christ herself. That is the foundation for any other healing that will take place in her life and in her relationships. When she is beginning to be stronger in her faith and is walking more and more in Christ, then she will have His wisdom, power, and guiding about how to handle the specifics in her situation. And she will have effective and powerful prayers.
If we are clinging to sin, even unknowingly, in our hearts, our prayer lives are very weak. I want each of us to have the strongest, most faith-filled, most powerfully Spirit-filled prayer life ever. I want each follower of Christ to be feasting on the Word of God and growing spiritually. Until she is right with God and stabilized spiritually in Christ – she cannot make things right with people.
We must focus on Christ primarily – then our human relationships.
Each of us – men and women – must be willing to look at our own lives and to be right with God before we can begin to try to make things right with other people. (Matthew 7:1-5) The ultimate goal I have is that each of us – my brother and sisters – will walk in complete submission to Christ as Lord – experiencing ALL of Himself and ALL of the promises of God and the riches of Christ and the intimacy of knowing Him deeply. Then He heals each person and He heals the marriage many times.
My greatest desire for each person here is that each of us might stand before God and hear Him say, “Well done, My good and faithful servant.”
I can’t heal anyone. But I can point them to Christ Jesus. He is the Great Physician, the Wonderful Counselor, the Sovereign King of kings and Lord of lords. We must all become less and He must become greater in our lives.
Much love to each of you!