723554_97306901What can godly, Christian single women do to bless and empower the guys in their singles’ groups or churches they see each week? Even if they are not dating them?

I decided to ask the men for their suggestions.  Ladies, if you have a strong Christian guy friend or brother and you want to ask him what he would say to these questions, I’d love to hear from others as well!  I’d like us as women who are disciples of Christ to become experts in blessing those around us – men and women – by our speech, our attitudes and our actions.  I want to see the body of Christ united and strong – with us building one another up and edifying each other for the glory of God.

CHRISTIAN MAN #1

A couple of thoughts.

  • First, don’t use nuclear rejections. If a guy asks you out, a simple no suffices.
  • Do NOT gossip about men. Period. In fact, don’t gossip at all.
  • Don’t try and “help” the single men with dating advice.
  • Do pray for them, and for them to find good, God-fearing woman to be their wife.

From Peacefulwife – hear what this man is saying to us, ladies!

Let our yes be yes and our no be no – very clear, brief answers are best.  It is not necessary to do a lot of explaining to try to soften things.  But we can be respectful and compassionate in the way we say, “no.”

Gossip is so overlooked as a sin in our culture, even in the church today, we often don’t even think of it as being a sin.  But it is!  And it is an extremely destructive sin that deeply wounds those who are victimized by it.  This causes division in the body. It hurts people deeply.  Sometimes the wounds caused by gossip never heal.  If we are involved in gossip, it is time for us to repent and learn to stop saying ANYTHING negative about anyone.  That is respectful, and that is honoring to Christ.

What women often think of as being “helpful” – is often taken by men to be “controlling, disrespectful or condescending.”  One of the most important ways we can show respect is to demonstrate faith in a man’s abilities to handle his life himself.  Giving advice – particularly unsolicited advice – often comes across to men as if we are “talking down to them” or that we don’t think they can figure things out on their own.  And, quite honestly, that is insulting to a man.

I know we want to “help”!  I believe God created us to be helpmeets to a man – and I believe that our intentions can be good.  But it is easy for help to morph into a sinful desire for control or even a desire for men to submit to US and to think we know so much better than they do and that if they would just do what we say, they would have perfect lives….  Yikes!  Let’s learn where the line of disrespect is.  And let’s learn to listen when a godly man wants to talk about his vulnerability or frustration – but unless he asks for advice, let’s encourage him that we have faith in him to be able to figure out the solution to his problem.  Maybe we can also offer to pray for them and for God’s wisdom.  There are ways we can support and encourage men without taking over or lecturing them, criticizing them, pointing out all their faults, blaming them or verbally attacking them.

Respectful ways to bless a single brother in Christ (especially if you are single as well.   If you are in a committed relationship, engagement or marriage, respect your man if he doesn’t want you to spend a lot of time with guy friends.)  These ideas would be great for guys you are not dating and great for a guy you are dating or want to date:

  • Affirm him.  Tell him the strengths and godly qualities you see in him. (Every once in awhile – not 86 times a day!  Just a sentence or two each time you see him or every few days if you see him often.  i.e.: “I really admire your faith in God.”  “You are such a generous man.  I like that about you.”  “You really care about people who are in need.  I can see Christ in you so clearly.”  “I am really proud of you for the way you handled that difficult situation.”  “I admire your work ethic.”)
  • Listen to him and focus on him, letting him know that what he has to say, his opinions, his feelings, his thoughts, his perspective and his wisdom is important to you.
  • Nod and show him that you are actively listening, “I hear you.”  “So you feel like X because of what happened.”
  • When he has a problem, wait until he asks before you give your opinion or advice.
  • Demonstrate trust in this man of God that you believe he is able to find the best solution to his problem.  “I don’t know what the answer is, but I do know you – and I am totally confident that you will figure this out.”  “I pray God will give you wisdom, direction and clarity about this issue.”

CHRISTIAN MAN #2

Apologize sincerely for any disrespect, and try not to repeat it.

Stop gossipng about, criticizing, and judging men, and start listening to and caring about us and our circumstances, needs, and perspectives without any ulterior motives.

Encourage us for our benefit alone, even as an act of service to God.

Pray for our needs, not to change us to become what you want, but only to encourage us in God and to catch a glimpse of how He sees men from His perspective. In fact, pray sincerely that you might have God’s heart for men.

Hold other Christian women accountable and responsible for their thoughts, attitudes, actions, and expectations towards men (whether we see it or not, but especially if we see it).

Teach and preach to other women how to respect their brothers in Christ, again, not that they may control us, but only to build up their brothers in the body of Christ.

CHRISTIAN MAN #3

I might also include putting on the veil of modesty and chastity when it comes to interacting with brothers in Christ. How about not treating Sabbath as a day to “be pretty” and dress like you are about to go out onto the Paris runway?

Along with what (the first man) said, I would also say that if you are not interested in a guy, that you are just straight up honest about it, and honorable about it instead of coming up with some kind of excuse that would end up insulting our intelligence.

If nothing else, at least be open to networking and that introducing the single men that these ladies meet to their friends and family since we have all but lost a sense of community in the church.

In simplicity, the best thing that GODLY single women can do is to

Strive to live a GODLY life.

Meaning that they adorn themselves in His grace and righteousness and that they walk the walk. They don’t become a source of temptation nor of chiding agitation to those who have been slurred and rejected for holding steadfast to God’s Word.

POST SCRIPT:

From Man# 1

It is always good to have these kinds of discussions, because they show case how men and women are very different. A member of one sex may say something, and the other sex interprets it quite differently. For example, you interpreted my comment about women not offering a man “dating advice” as being about respect. Your words:

What women often think of as being “helpful” – is often taken by men to be “controlling, disrespectful or condescending.” One of the most important ways we can show respect is to demonstrate faith in a man’s abilities to handle his life himself. Giving advice – particularly unsolicited advice – often comes across to men as if we are “talking down to them” or that we don’t think they can figure things out on their own. And, quite honestly, that is insulting to a man.

Now, all of this is good advice. Nothing wrong with it. But I was trying to make the point that most dating advice that women offer men is of poor quality. And that is being generous. 95% + of the advice offered by women to men … will actually hurt, not help him.

Things like this are a major reason why I really like this site, it allows for men and women to learn and appreciate their differences.

RELATED:

A Husband Answers My Questions about Men and Emotions  (I had planned to share this last week, but have not, so here it is!!!)

What is Respect to Men?

Treat Him Like a Man

Christian Men Talk about Modesty

The Sin of Gossip

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