There may be a brief time when this is necessary during the Frustrating Quiet Phase.
I have tons of posts and resources to help you learn to say things respectfully (please scroll back through my PSG archives at the top of my home page). If there is something specific you want to say to your man, but you aren’t sure how to word it, please leave me a comment and I will be happy to give you some suggestions. 🙂 We will hash through the issue together.
I also have a lot of video posts on my Youtube channel “April Cassidy” where I demonstrate how to have a respectful tone of voice that is friendly and pleasant – not angry and condemning. I also talk about nonverbal disrespect and how important it is for our facial expressions and body language to convey genuine respect. I have a video about how to ask for things so that your man wants to say yes. I am not saying he WILL say yes. I am saying he will want to say yes if he can if you approach him in a feminine, friendly, respectful way.
Here’s the thing. You can’t fake respect for your guy any more than he can fake love for you. MEN CAN TELL! If you are not sincere, if you are just using flattery, if you actually don’t respect him but are trying to be respectFUL, it won’t work. Your man needs to see that you can find REAL things about him to respect, appreciate and admire.
Your feelings, desires, opinions and perspective are important! Your guy needs your input and needs you to be plugged into the relationship. He doesn’t want a woman who has no thoughts, no opinions and no personality. Saying nothing is not a healthy option. (If he does want a woman like that – that is not a good sign!) He loves YOU. It is possible to learn to speak your mind and heart in respectful ways that your guy can best hear. This will involve things like:
- saying “I want” or “I don’t want” things (Laura Doyle The Surrendered Wife – not from a Christian perspective, so weigh each statement carefully against scripture!)
- saying “I feel ____” “I feel sad.” “I feel lonely.” “I feel happy.” “I feel nervous.” (The Surrendered Wife)
- giving requests and suggestions instead of demands and directives.
- saying what you want to do but then saying, “Whatever you think is best for us. I trust you, Honey.”
It is important that you keep your primary motive as being “I want God’s will above everything else. I trust God to lead me through my husband-to-be, even if I don’t agree at the time.” If your man is not asking you to clearly sin or condone sin, share your heart and what you want, but then if he still feels strongly that he should decide another way – graciously trust his leadership and allow God to work in his heart. This means that I am ok if I get “my way” or not. Because I trust that God is able to bring about His will in ways that I can’t begin to understand as He leads me through Greg.
If you are not yet married, you can refuse to cooperate with your man’s leadership if you strongly believe you should not follow him. But if that happens very often, it is important to question if marriage to him would be wise. Please seek godly counsel in such a situation – and really – please seek godly counsel and in-depth premarital counseling before marrying ANYONE!!!!
A Real Life Example of Respect and Submission – check out the little miracle that I got to witness because I trusted God and respected and submitted to Greg.