946930_36154604IT IS NOT ALWAYS A GOOD THING FOR MY MAN TO PRAY WITH ME
What!!!?!?!?  Can you believe I just said that!
If he prays with the wrong motive or prays for the wrong reason(s) – that is sin – it is for women, too, of course!
Ways that him praying with you could be sin:
– to please you
– to make you feel better
– to make himself look more spiritual than he really is
– to be heard by you
– to lecture you
– to manipulate you
– if his heart is not in it, if he is not actually intimate with God, it is hypocrisy
– doing it just because you want him to will not bring you satisfaction and it will not honor God
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If a man is not praying to God on his own – he probably has no business praying to God with his girlfriend/fiance.  He needs to have his own strong relationship with Christ independently first.  We can’t MAKE him do this.  That is why, if you want a strong, godly man who prays with you once you are married – it may be best to find a strong, godly man who is willing to voluntarily pray with you when you are dating!  If your guy does not want to pray with you now, he probably won’t want to pray with you once you are married, either.
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HOWEVER – just because he doesn’t pray with you – doesn’t mean he isn’t marriage material!  There are many men who are shy or not confident in their verbal prayer skills who are full of God’s Spirit.  Don’t toss out a great guy ONLY because he doesn’t pray with you!  Look at Galatians 5:22 – does he show evidence of love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self control?  Does he love Jesus?  Those things are more important for him to be a godly leader than whether or not he prays with you in most cases!
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I think that this particular issue is actually quite clear in Scripture – that when we pray to be seen or heard by people (if our motives are not pure) – God is NOT pleased and will NOT hear our prayers.
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Matthew 6:5-6 – And when you pray, do not be like the hypocrites, for they love to pray standing in the synagogues and on the street corners to be seen by men.  I tell you the truth, they have received their reward in full.  But when you pray, go into your room, close the door and pray to your Father, Who is unseen.  Then your Father, Who sees what is done in secret, will reward you.
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I don’t think this excludes praying together in small groups or as a couple or corporately.  But I think that our motives for prayer matter greatly to God.  If a man only prays with his girlfriend to placate her – but is not right in his relationship with God – it is a pretty useless activity.
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It is a blessing for a godly woman when her ungodly man (or a man with ungodly motives at the time) won’t pray with her:
  • He would do more harm than good if he did.
  • She needs to learn to depend solely on Christ, not her guy.  This issue can sometimes reveal that a woman has her man as an idol, or has his praying with her or his spirituality or his sinlessness as an idol in her heart.

 

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OTHER CONSEQUENCES OF A MAN’S SINFUL PRAYERS
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Besides his prayers being fruitless, not honoring to God and not be heard by God – when a man is not right with God and is living in his own flesh:
  • he may use prayer as an opportunity to try to humiliate his woman before God
  • he may use prayer to criticize her faults and flaws
  • he may pridefully brag about himself before God and his girlfriend/fiance, bringing God’s opposition against him
  • he may use prayer to try to manipulate her into doing what he selfishly wants
  • he may claim something is “God’s will” just to try to get her to go along with it when it really is not God’s will at all
  • he may be cruel, critical and belittling to his woman as he “speaks to God”  because he is not full of God’s Spirit
  • he may be arrogant and try to make himself look better and more spiritual than her

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Something that is much worse than having a man who won’t pray with you is having a carnal/ungodly man who WILL pray with you in ways that dishonor God and seek to control, disrespect and manipulate you.

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OUR REAL DESIRE GOES MUCH DEEPER THAN GOING THROUGH THE MOTIONS
What we as women want – is for our men to be strong men of God, thriving and growing and vibrant in their walks with Him. We want them to pray in private by themselves and come from a place of spiritual strength and to be filled with God’s Spirit – and then to pray with us.  Not praying to go through the motions or to look spiritual, but husbands who are genuinely living with Christ as Lord and totally submitted and yielded to Him.
This desires we have for our men  to be close to God and to be spiritually one with us are God-given desires.  And they are God’s will.  So we can pray and know that God will cause these prayers to be answered in His time, in His way, by His power and for His glory –  when we are praying with proper respect and reverence for God and proper motives.
We can’t change other people!  Be sure you can accept your man exactly as he is and respect him for the man he is now – you will get more of the same later when you are married – unless GOD changes him.  But don’t expect him to change.  Be sure you can be content with the man he is now before you commit to marriage.
A PEACEFULWIFE VIDEO
I’m not sure my man is a good spiritual leader (the video is directed to wives, but the principles apply to dating relationships, courtships and engagements as well!)
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