“God, Please! Ask Me for ANYTHING but THIS!” moved my heart Peaceful……
There is so much pain, and hurt out there in His church concerning the idol of marriage. Yes, it’s an idol. As much as we in Christ who DO serve. Who DO live a life worthy of His favor, and who DO believe…….there are those moments where we awaken in the middle of the night for no reason and just wonder to ourselves, or out loud “Abba Father???? What gives? Why am I single? Why ME? Why not someone else? It’s not fair!”
Part of the reason (and this is just one guy’s opinion, mind you), and I won’t say “God is preparing you for that ‘perfect’ spouse” I don’t believe that. Only God is perfect.
A spouse will not complete you in the way Christ’s love does. Ever.
I tend to think some of this just is our protestant church-culture. We singles in Christ hear constantly “Our church is about families” and “Children are just the most important thing” and the classics on Mothers Day and Fathers Day of “Being a mother, and father” and how this “honors God” can even get to that man or woman who is blessed with the true gift of singleness. It hurts, and many singles wonder where do they “fit” in a community of faith…..my personal hunch is that many singles in “the secular world” don’t want anything to do with church because of this mentality that seems to be present all the time. They just think that a church offers nothing to them.
If it means anything (and I am single man who has just about zero experience with women); I’ll just say the following:
- All must submit to The Cross. It doesn’t matter if you have children, or are not married. Jesus never married. He didn’t father children, and He didn’t say anywhere in his earthly ministry to the crowds that followed Him “You must get married, or you cannot be in my Kingdom”
- Let’s examine “marriage” in Christ’s time. All marriages were arranged back then. You didn’t go to Temple and chat up the “girl or guy” that you liked and wanted to date. I am not saying we should go back to this; but singles….let’s keep marriage in perspective here. It’s a sacrament to honor God. Not ourselves. Not our families. Not with frivolous trapping of the secular world. We who have been single most of lives (30’s and well into 40’s…or longer!) can see what marriage is and isn’t. Many of us who are single, and steeped in the Word are nobody’s fool. This can be a blessing to others. It should be a blessing. Make it one.
- We singles should be watching and looking at couples in our churches who DO have a solid marriage. Not by material possessions…but a spirit in them both that demonstrates that God is above them. They are there, and IF they are truly living this way…they will be more than glad to be friends with you. They will.
- Sometimes God does say “no” to our desires. He expects something from us that we need to do, or figure out. The last thing He wants is us depressed; He understands our laments, and our pain but He also wants servants who will do His will, and follow Him…..whatever the situation.
Remember the cost of being a disciple. It will not be easy, and if we are in a season, or prolonged drought of singleness………will we still trust and obey?
I was mentored VERY well by several very Godly men when I first started attending my church just about six years ago. That is what did it in the end. I was not easy to minister to at first. I was stubborn, a bit hurt, and still a lot angry at the world. They must have seen something in me……they must have really believed in their ministry as well. They were fully convinced that Christ had brought me to them. You could not argue this with these old guys……they were convinced it was true.
With that said, Christian singles need to also “change” as well.
Married couples in the church need to be open and genuine with singles…but singles need to also be willing to listen. To learn. To watch. To be HAPPY for a couple that indeed has a Christ centered marriage. Not “toothpaste commercial happy” but true happiness with love that Christ gives.
I am close friends with two married couples in my church. One couple is old (in their eighties), and one couple is my age (mid-forties). It is so important for singles to “seek out” Christ centered couples in their church because both can learn so much for each other.
The pain of your singleness can be reduced by being with or having a fellowship with a solid Christian married couple. You don’t think it would….but it does.
This is the beauty of what Christ shows us in the church!
Peaceful, I know this space is for women…but on this post…I was so moved to reply……to my single sisters out there…….yes….single Godly men DO feel this way, too….not exactly the same way as a woman does………but men do get these pangs as well….and they are not pleasant…….just uplift each other. Prune that vine around your heart. Start over! Learn from married couples…..and PRAY. Find that comfort and conviction in the Holy Ghost that Christ promised!
The Blessing of Celibacy – by Jason
Jason’s Perspective – about relationships between Christian men and women