I had a post awhile back where I asked Christian men to share their thoughts and their hearts about some questions that I believe are important. I want Christian women to have the chance to hear what our brothers in Christ think, feel and desire – and what they experience from Christian single women in the church.
My questions are in black – Jason’s answers are in blue. I pray that we might ask God to help us have eyes to see things from our brothers’ perspective and that He might develop in us a godly, feminine spirit that brings great glory to Himself:
Though I am not an ordinary guy, and perhaps I shouldn’t even be answering these
Basic stats on myself: Age 42. Single, never-married. No children. Lives in California. Christianity is my life, and what I strive for. I believe.
1. What kinds of attitudes/behaviors speak respect to you from a woman in general or in a relationship with you?
Her actions, not just in church, or church-related activities…but with her family, or friends. The fruit of her spirit. A girl that follows Matthew 6 about prayer, giving to the needy….and she’s not afraid or ashamed of the Gospel with her friends in the secular realm.
2. What kinds of attitudes/behaviors speak disrespect to you from women in general or in a relationship with you?
The phrase that many women use of “women have it worse” for every answer concerning social, religious, gender, work, mental, emotional, financial, health issues……when I hear a woman use this phrase…I start to zone out.
3. What are some ways you have seen women try to control men in relationships that are a turn off?
“I deserve” and “I expect” when I hear women use this on their husbands or boyfriends, I just think to myself. Poor guy. Especially when used when she wants a material thing, a vacation, her wedding, ect.
4. What ways do you try to lead when you are in a relationships, or how would you like to lead in the future in a dating/courting relationships?
I run a Cub Scout Pack (Cubmaster). If I had a girlfriend, I would like her to be involved with me in this activity. Something where I can lead…so to speak, and she can help, and not out of “duty” or “to make me happy” but because she wants to. You know, a common interest, doing something with me, that I like doing.
6. What unbiblical expectations have you seen Christian women have about “godly leadership” for men?
That a guy has to have a house, a newer car, an established career, to be smart, to be top-model hot, to be a regular stand-up comic, did I say be funny? Have a leadership position in church, be endeared by many other women inside and out of the church…be the provider. Only. Not all men are cut to be a person to make 250K per year. Not every man in church is going to look like a Ralph Lauren model. Not every man is going to have gifts of leadership. Not all guys are funny 24 hours a day. We all have something to contribute to the Rock. Paul even said that not everyone has all or the same spiritual gifts. This teaches us that everyone has to equally submit themselves to the Cross.
7. How much does a woman’s faith, trust and ability to remain peaceful and calm in most situations impact your view of her character?
You know, even when I was in “the world” I always found women of faith who were my age, who really lived it, believed it, and meant it was very attractive to me. It says so much more than her appearance, her race, her education. Character counts in a big way for me, then….and way more now.
8. What ways have you seen Christian women emasculate Christian men?
The giggles of “men only want one thing” and “he wouldn’t even be able to dress himself if it wasn’t for me.” “Well, if it wasn’t for us women, so many churches would be failing today.” Maybe made in funny humor, but I still hear comments in this vein a lot from married women in the church, and they don’t really sound “funny” to me. Perhaps I am a little too serious at times though.
Also, I even take issue with my men’s fellowship using the term “Man Up” It’s not a big thing, but we have the “Women’s Home League” and the “Soldiers for Christ” for our teens and “Celebrate Recovery (for women only)” …but the men…..we have to “man up. ” No other group in the church needs to “woman up” or “teen up”……just the GROWN men have to grow up. It imples we’re not doing anything, and every other social group in the church has “purpose”
9. What can women do to empower the godly leadership of men?
I don’t know…I am not married, or dating. I will say this. Prayer. I earnestly pray for people in my church, and I “pray” they do the same for me. I think women could take each man, case by case and just admire them for the spiritual gifts they are USING in the church. It would probably encourage me to do even more, and not for personal glory.
10. How attractive is a controlling/disrespectful woman to you?
It’s obviously not attractive for a real man of God, but I see many men (secular and sacred) actively lining up for a chance, a date, or more with many women like this.
11. What are the qualities of godly femininity that attract you most?
A little more modesty. Cover up your ‘santa cruz license plate’ (tattoo) on the nape of your back (show it to me when we’re married). Quit texting or checking your phone in church. Have your yes mean “yes” and your no mean “no” take some pride in your appearance…no not a “Sunday fashion parade” but remember church is a Holy place (what is up with wearing flip flops and pajama bottoms in so many churches now???). Smile. Seeing a woman who uses her spiritual gifts in church God has given her in and out of church is incredibly attractive.
12. What are the qualities you most desire in a godly wife?
Christ is first, and I am second. I want her and I to be on the same goal: Christ. Together, working to it. For richer or poorer. In sickness, and health. Good times and bad. If we can keep Christ the constant in our marriage through the ups and downs….it will make us both a better husband and wife.