help

I appreciate this Christian guy’s perspective.  I think he has a lot of wisdom to offer to the single Christian ladies.  Thanks for answering my questions and being so thorough!   We ladies love detail.

My questions are in black.  His answers are in blue.  Others are welcome to comment as well.

Although I am only 20 and inexperienced with relationships, here is my input.

1. I talk a lot about letting the guy lead and not calling him first, not asking him out, etc.  If a godly girl is interested in you, how would you most like her to approach you?

I guess if the scenario is such that the guy is not approaching her, she has a couple of options. She can frequently look at the guy and smile at him, this is a great invitation for a guy since she is showing interest and showing that she won’t reject him if he approaches. If the guy does not approach her, maybe because he is shy, she is going to have to walk up to the guy and say, “Hi,” and smile. She can then just give him another smile and say something like (“see you next Tuesday”, or “Hope to see you around”) at this point if the guy doesn’t start a conversation, don’t linger if the guy is shy or introverted because it will be stressful for him to conversate without a topic. If the situation is one where she can recognize some sort of skill or characteristic of the guy, she can go up to him and say what she admires about him and they can talk about the activity he is doing.

The basics are that guys like attention and to have their abilities recognized. However, if at any point they feel awkward/insecure/threatened, that is not good.

2. What are some things girls do to try to get a guy’s attention that would repel you?

If a girl tries playing hard to get by avoiding or ignoring the guy or appearing to be having a great time with another guy, she will end up repelling the guy.

3. If you ask a girl out and then she does start texting/calling you incessantly, what would you think about wanting to continue to go out with her?

This probably depends upon the guy, but to me it would be stressful to respond to many messages. I would label the girl as high maintenance. It might be ok if the conversation flows effortlessly, but that is unlikely. Additionally, if the girl says things that she forgets about a minute later, this may make the girl look insincere later on. If a girl seems high maintenance and insincere, I very well may not choose to pursue an intimate relationship.

4. What are some red flags for you when you meet a girl – behavior, lifestyle, dress, speech, mannerisms, etc.

Red flags for me include:

  • a girl being especially loud,
  • does not seem to respect others
  • bashes others (especially those who are or were close to her)
  • dresses in a manner that is gaudy or screams “available”
  • is manipulative or doesn’t treat her friends well
  • flirts with other guys.
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