Christmas and New Year’s have their unique challenges for Christian singles. Sometimes you have to get together with a lot of extended family members who ask irritating, impossible questions like:
- Why aren’t you married yet?
- Don’t you have a boyfriend?
- Won’t you go on a blind date, I know just the perfect man for you!?
- Are you ever going to settle down and have children?
- You’re not getting any younger, you know… why aren’t you with someone?
- Don’t you want to be married?
- Aren’t you just being too picky?
- When are you going to get a real job?
- Who is going to want to date you if you look like THAT?
I REALLY wish no one EVER asked anyone questions like this.
Even if you are seeing someone, it can be just as bad when family and friends say things like this to you AND your guy:
- Are y’all officially dating?
- When are you going to propose, man?
- Can’t you do better than this guy?
- What do you see in him? He’s nowhere near good enough for you. He doesn’t make enough money. You have to have a man who makes at least 6 figures or you are wasting your time.
- You’re getting a bit old, you really need to get married ASAP.
- Too bad you can’t cook. Did you tell this guy what a terrible cook and housekeeper you are?
And then you want to slink away and quickly fade into the old 1980s wallpaper until you are invisible – never to be seen again. It makes issues that are already difficult in a relationship with a guy so much more painful when friends and family ask inappropriate questions that really aren’t any of their business.
If you are engaged – there are going to be lots of questions, too like;
- You haven’t set a date? How can you be engaged if you don’t even have a date?
- Why would you choose THOSE colors for your wedding? Those bridesmaids’ dresses look hideous! I hate them!
- You can’t invite Aunt Rosie to the wedding. If she is coming, I refuse to come!
- You’re only spending that much? Your wedding is going to be so cheap looking. You know, your cousin spent $60,000 on her wedding. It was REALLY nice.
- You’re budget is how much!?!? How are you ever going to pay for THAT?
- You better not elope. We’ll never forgive you.
And once you’re married – the questions continue:
- Why haven’t you bought a house? You need to buy a house. It needs to be in this town and this school district, you know.
- Why are you spending that day with HIS family? Do we mean nothing to you now that you are married? It’s like you don’t love us anymore. Your husband is more important to you than we are, isn’t he?!
- When are you having a baby? Are you trying? Are you pregnant right now? You look kind of pudgy. You must be pregnant. You just haven’t told anyone yet, right? When are you due? In 3 months?
- Your sister has 3 children already. You need to catch up. Christmas just isn’t really Christmas until you have children.
- It’s so selfish of you that you haven’t had a baby yet.
- Why isn’t your husband with you? He just doesn’t take family events seriously enough. He should have gotten out of working. What kind of job does he have anyway, not even able to be off on Christmas?
The inappropriate questions continue after children, too. Don’t worry!
The point is – there will always be nosy people and inappropriate questions. There will always be a next phase of life. Everyone seems to want to rush us all toward the “next thing.” Many times our friends and family really are trying to love us. They may just not realize how hurtful these kinds of questions can be.
You know what? We can slow down and enjoy where we are right now. You are not in a race. There is no deadline. The only one you need to please ultimately is Christ.
- What are some ways God has shown you about how to handle inappropriate questions and pressuring family members with His love and wisdom?
- What are some ways you deal with loneliness around Christmas and New Year’s?
- How do you focus on Christ during this busy season with so much else going on?
- How do you seek to be content in Jesus no matter what may happen in your circumstances?
- What are you thankful for in your life right now in this season?
Let’s share the wisdom God has given each of us – God may just use you to bless another sister (or brother) in Christ.
Much love to each of you!