These are some questions that you may want to discuss with your potential husband before marriage at some point. Probably not all at once! But maybe take a few questions at a time. If you are not yet engaged, I would suggest asking more general questions, not as many specifics about if/when you marry the man you are seeing. It is possible to make a man feel pressured into talking about marriage or getting married – that is usually not the most endearing approach. Then after you are engaged, or when your guy brings up talking about marriage, you may be able to talk about more detailed expectations.
Of course, just because you talk about it and how each of you feel now, doesn’t mean things won’t change. Marriage and life experiences can change people – sometimes for the better, sometimes for the worse. But at least you can have a starting point of understanding each other as well as possible beforehand.
- Why do we want to marry each other?
- What are our expectations of sex after marriage in general (probably best not to talk about this alone in a bedroom, and best not to go into tons of detail)?
- How do we plan to handle things when our expectations about sexual intimacy, emotional intimacy, or spiritual intimacy aren’t being met by each other?
- What do you believe God’s design is for masculinity and femininity?
- What do you believe God’s roles are for husbands and wives?
- What do you think it means for a wife to respect her husband?
- What do you think it means for a husband to love his wife as Christ loved the church and gave Himself up for her?
- What do you believe it means for a husband to treat his wife with honor?
- What do you believe it means for a husband to lead?
- What do you believe it means for a wife to submit to her husband’s leadership?
- Do you like lots of adventure or do you prefer a calm, peaceful, relaxing pace?
- Do you want to have a lot of things on our social calendar and get together with friends multiple times per week or do you prefer to be home or to be alone doing things by ourselves?
- What kinds of expectations do you believe your parents have for us once we are married? And vice-versa.
- If there is conflict between one of us and our in-laws, what do you believe is the best way to handle that? And vice-versa.
- What do you believe it means for each of us to leave our parents and cleave to each other?
- How much time do you expect to spend talking with/visiting with your parents and friends after we get married?
- Have we both examined our hearts for idolatry of marriage, of the other person, of ourselves?
- How might we face trials in a way that will bring us together instead of allowing hard times to tear us apart?
- Are we both familiar with Satan’s strategy to try to get us to view each other as enemies, to accuse each other, to create division, resentment, and bitterness?
- How do we want to each protect and guard our marriage and our hearts? What convictions do we have about emails/messaging/texting/calling other people of the opposite sex or visiting privately with someone of the opposite sex?
- Are there any hidden addictions (drugs, alcohol, sex, porn, gambling, masturbation), unrepentant sin issues, past traumatic experiences, STDs, or past habitual sin patterns we need to disclose?
- Do either of us ever believe that screaming, cussing, name-calling, threatening violence, acting violently, etc… are acceptable in a Christian marriage?
- Are we both able to admit fault and apologize when we sin or make a mistake? Are we prepared to extend grace to each other?
- What are some of the biggest mistakes you have seen couples make in marriage. How might we avoid that?
- What is an example of a marriage we both know that you see as being very healthy that you would like to try to emulate?
- Do we both understand it is not our job to try to change each other? Can we accept each other “as is”?
- Are we both willing to take responsibility for ourselves emotionally and spiritually and not expect our spouse to make us happy or to make us act right?
- Are we both committed to giving 100% of ourselves, rather than the world’s 50/50 idea?
- How do we plan to get the spiritual nourishment we will need when we are married individually and as a couple?
- How will we avoid assuming the worst about each other?
- How will we deal with our fears and insecurities?
- How do we each plan to deal with times when we don’t get what we personally desire in a situation?
- How might we best prepare to act together as a team?
- How do we plan to live in God’s victory over sexual temptation before marriage and after marriage?
If you’d like to talk about any of these questions or issues related to answering these questions, let’s talk together about them. 🙂