I am assuming a few things about my audience here:
- That you are seeking Christ with all your heart and the you are living in submission to Him as Lord of everything in your life.
- That you are only willing to date a man who is seeking Christ wholeheartedly and living in submission to Him as Lord in every area of his life.
Men tend to communicate in very direct ways. Sometimes women try to communicate in subtle ways – to give hints, or to try to not be rude or come across as selfish, or to try to spare other people’s feelings. So sometimes we think that it is more respectful to speak in “code” rather than just coming out and saying what we really want, need, and feel. Unfortunately, especially with our relationships with men, this tends to create confusion. Men tend to prefer that we all just respectfully, politely, lovingly say what we really think. We don’t have to be rude about it. We can be respectful and yet vulnerable, direct, concise, and clear.
Sometimes, we try to read all kinds of things into what our men are saying, too. We try to figure out, “What did he REALLY mean by X? Maybe he really thinks this or that…”
To a godly man, this feels disrespectful. He said what he meant. If he didn’t say what he really meant – that is on him. Our job should be to take what he said at face value and to respond to what he said and to assume that he is a grown adult who is capable of sharing his needs, desires, feelings, and concerns. Of course, we want to be sure that our men know that we are a safe place for them to honestly share the deepest parts of themselves – even the not-so-pleasant parts. That will help to foster an environment where our guys will want to share things with us because they know we won’t freak out and we won’t betray their trust.
(Now, if there is a man who has a history of deception and being untruthful, this may not apply to him – and he may not be a wise choice for a boyfriend until he takes care of that sin. Or if a man is sharing REALLY serious unrepentant sin, you may need to seek appropriate help from someone you trust.)
In general, let’s seek to believe what our men say and take their words at face value without trying to find all of the possible “hidden meaning.”
This actually reminds me a lot of how we relate to God, too. We tend to want to try to read into all kinds of Scripture passages about “what God really means” instead of embracing them and taking them at face value. That is disrespectful to God. God and our men appreciate when we receive their words at face value – and it is okay to seek to clarify if we don’t think we understand.
What Speaks Disrespect to Guys? (another word for disrespect would be “insult”)