For those who are unfamiliar with this term – “hooking up” means having sex with someone you may not even really know, with “no strings attached.” i.e.: “We just met today, but let’s hook up later tonight.”

I know that many girls (and guys) have never known anything but this culture that exists today. But, it makes me so sad to see that sex has become completely casual and to hear people say things like,

“Oh, we’re just having sex. We are not in a relationship.”

My precious friends!!!!!! What are we doing?!?!?!

What a recipe for total disaster spiritually, emotionally, sexually, and in so many ways for both men and women.

God designed sex. His design is VERY good.

I’m so excited to share God’s beautiful design for your life and your sexuality in a nutshell:

  • Sex is for marriage alone. There are no exceptions. (Exodus 20:14, 1 Corinthians 6:9-20)
  • Marriage is between one man and one woman and is a good gift from God. (Genesis 2, Matthew 19:5-6)
  • Marriage is to be between two believers in Christ, not between a believer and an unbeliever. (1 Corinthians 7:39)
  • Singleness and celibacy is beautiful, good, and holy. It is a good gift from God. (I Corinthians 7:25-40)
  • Sex is beautiful and holy in marriage. (Genesis 2, Song of Solomon, Proverbs 5:29)
  • Sex unites two people’s bodies together and gives them a physical, emotional and spiritual bond that cannot be broken in this lifetime. It is a pictures of the one spirit relationship Christ desires to have with us, His people. (1 Corinthians 6:13-20)
  • Sex brings unity and oneness in marriage on every level. (1 Corinthians 6:13-20, Matthew 19:4-9)
  • Sex is destructive outside of marriage on every level. (I Corinthians 6:25-40)

WHY HOOKING UP CREATES PROBLEMS AND DYSFUNCTION

When I was in college in the early 1990s, most people were having sex before marriage. But, most of the time, it was in a relationship. That was still very destructive and caused plenty of heartache and problems. Now, no relationship is necessary. What we are doing now is even more damaging to everyone involved and even to future marriages and children. We have cheapened something so beautiful and holy by giving our bodies to just anyone, sometimes without even knowing the guy’s name. What are we thinking!?!?! This is not God’s design at all! It greatly grieves God’s heart and creates a nightmare of painful consequences for everyone, even people not directly involved in the sin. That is how sin is (anything that God calls “sin” – something that “misses the mark” of his perfection and holiness) – it brings pain, heartache, and death – death of relationships with people, death of fellowship with God, and even physical death sometimes.

Sex outside of God’s design and loving boundaries for us cannot ever bring fulfillment – only destruction to us spiritually, emotionally, and physically.

God doesn’t give us these boundaries to be mean or to ruin our fun. He does it out of His great love for us – just like I would tell my children not to put their hand on a hot stove or play in a busy street. Hooking up does not prepare anyone for marriage. In fact, it destroys a solid foundation for marriage for those who participate in it and continues to destroy the foundation for marriage for the children who are born into this lifestyle so that they will generally continue the same pattern. I believe the hook up mentality encourages things like:

  • “shopping around”
  • dissatisfaction with one person
  • adultery
  • living together instead of getting married
  • continuing to just hook up and never marry
  • discontentment in marriage and monogamy
  • an inability to delay personal sexual gratification
  • flash backs
  • fear of men and emotional/spiritual intimacy
  • severe trust issues
  • deep emotional/spiritual scars
  • STDs
  • big walls to protect our hearts from true emotional/spiritual intimacy
  • unwanted pregnancies
  • increased abortion
  • fear about motherhood/fatherhood
  • fear about marriage
  • fatherless children
  • abandonment issues
  • insecurity in our romantic relationships
  • intense anxiety
  • an even bigger desire to control things
  • deep attachments emotionally/spiritually to men to whom we are not married
  • divorce
  • instability in many areas of our lives.
  • great distance from God (broken fellowship/broken relationship)
  • there is no stability for the children born into this situation
  • there is no godly example of marriage for them
  • there aren’t two parents working together demonstrating God’s loving authority
  • it is much harder for children without fathers actively involved in their lives to trust God and to know God and to have healthy marriages later

Hooking up (and any kind of sex outside of marriage) leaves deep spiritual, emotional and sexual scars with lasting consequences.

We have sexual relationships completely backwards today! If you have not heard of God’s design, and all you know is the world’s ways – my heart breaks for you. I know you are deeply hurting and scared.

THANKFULLY, there is healing and hope available for you in Christ Jesus RIGHT NOW!

CHOOSE TO FOLLOW CHRIST!

You can choose to turn away from this sin and any other sin today and to turn to Jesus. You can trust Him to cleanse you of everything you have ever or will ever do wrong. His blood paid the price for all of your sins and my sins that we could never pay to satisfy God’s holy, just wrath against our sin. There is no sin that Jesus’ blood cannot cover. There is no one who is beyond His reach.

He offers to you a new life, a new spirit, and the chance to be a new creation in Christ. He offers total forgiveness for all that you have done wrong. He offers unlimited mercy and grace to you through the cross.You can choose to leave your old life behind and you can trust Jesus as not only your Savior – who died in your place and made it possible for you to have total peace with God – but also you LORD. When He is your Lord, He is the Master and He is in charge, and you yield all that you have and all that you are to Him, allowing Him to transform you by the power of God’s Spirit to be more and more like Christ.

 

A BETTER MODEL

We should first get to know all we can about a guy as we focus on seeking Christ with all our hearts ourselves – then carefully, prayerfully discern to see if this guy we are interested in is seeking Christ wholeheartedly. Then when we see that we are both focused on living in submission to Christ, and as we continue focusing primarily on our walk with Christ and our own obedience to Christ, we seek God’s will about moving forward into dating/courtship. We continue to get to know the guy better, we seek godly counsel, we seek God’s wisdom and His will.  We see what direction the guy is going in and his vision for God’s plan for him, and we see if we believe God desires us to align ourselves with him to pursue that mission. We allow the guy to propose to us. We continue to live in purity and chastity. Then we consummate our marriage on our wedding night with joy. Then we do all that we can do strengthen and protect our marriage and to discourage close relationships to any other men. This is what things should generally look like, my precious sisters!

If you have been involved in the hookup culture, and you want to stop living in that lifestyle and turn to Christ, you can!!!! It is not too late for you! You are not beyond the reach of Jesus Christ!!!!

What we all need to have fulfillment, contentment, true peace, real joy, purpose, true love, acceptance, forgiveness, mercy, and grace, is Jesus! He alone can meet the deepest needs of our soul. We may try to find contentment and fulfillment and purpose in other things – like sex, beauty, relationships with men, happiness, marriage, children, being in control, fame, popularity, or self – but we will always end up feeling frustrated, empty, discouraged, exhausted, and unfulfilled from those things if we don’t have Christ in His proper place in our lives.

 

 

RELATED:

How Do I Truly Live for Christ?

I Deserve Punishment from God – I Messed Up Too Much! – by Lee Ann – a story of God’s amazing grace!

Am I Too Damaged to Be Able to Have a Godly Marriage?

Finding Our Security in Christ Alone

Do I Use Men Instead of Loving Them in a Godly Way?

Biblical Manhood and Womanhood – David Platt

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