I am writing for women who are seeking to follow Christ as Lord wholeheartedly and who desire to only have a relationship that would honor Christ with a man who is seeking Christ as Lord wholeheartedly. Thanks for understanding.
Sometimes, when we are interested in a godly guy, we may feel intimidated, fearful, or paralyzed. That can make it really difficult for us to communicate our interest! Sometimes, we can let our fears sabotage our approach. Thankfully, God gives His children a promise:
For the Spirit God gave us does not make us timid, but gives us power, love and self-discipline. 2 Tim. 1:7
Fear is not from God. His perfect love casts out all fear. (1 John 4:18) I don’t have to freak out about if I am going to do everything absolutely perfectly to attract just the right guy. I can rest in God’s love for me, His Spirit’s wisdom for me, and His sovereignty. I can enjoy the journey without having to have “white knuckles” the whole time. Fear is no longer my master. Jesus is! So I can relax and focus on bringing honor to Him and being a blessing to those around me.
Other times we may go a bit overboard and pursue a guy a bit too much. Talking, texting, commenting on his FB page, and trying to get his attention thirty times a day. There is going to have to be balance here.
- If you tend to be super outgoing and friendly, you may want to watch yourself that you are not pushing too hard for a relationship. Give the guy some space to come toward you. It’s fine to be friendly, but don’t obsess over him or smother him.
- If you tend to be shy and introverted, you may have to push yourself a bit to be more talkative. If you sit there and say nothing and never smile, how is a guy going to know you are interested in getting to know him better?
The way I can show my interest in a godly man is very similar from the way I would show friendship and extend the love of Christ to anyone I was getting to know. Here are some suggestions. But remember, these are just suggestions. They are not rules. More than anything, listen to God’s Spirit and do what you believe He is prompting you to do. 🙂
You may want to do things like:
- Smile 🙂 – Your smile is VERY beautiful and attractive!
- Wave and say, “Hello,” “Hey,” “Howdy,” or “Hi” – whatever you normally say to people.
- If he is new at your church or office, you can say something like, “Welcome! I’m so glad you’re here. I’d love to show you around if you’d like.”
- Say, “It’s so good to meet you. Where are you from?” or “It’s great to meet you. Tell me a bit about yourself.”
- Ask about his interests in a friendly, casual, unhurried way (but not an interrogating way – I hope that makes sense. It is not an interview. You are not a detective solving a case and you are not a potential employer.) 🙂
- Watch his body language to see if he is enjoying the conversation or if he is ready to end it.
- Ask about his faith if he is open to that and just listen for a while.
- Give him positive non-verbal feedback while he is talking that you are interested and listening. (Nod, smile when he talks about good things, look sad when he talks about sad things, say, “Oh,” “Um hmm,” “That sounds amazing,” “That would be so hard,” etc… depending on what he is saying.)
- Find out about where he grew up and what his life was like when he was a kid if he is open to talking about that.
- Talk about places he has travelled, possibly.
- Mention something, or a few things, that you genuinely admire about him. (But I wouldn’t go overboard with admiration. Don’t list twenty things all at once, for example, when you are just meeting a guy.)
- Let him know you’d love to talk with him again if he seems to be enjoying talking with you.
- Be mindful and respectful about his time limitations.
Some things to consider:
- Realize that some truly godly guys are nervous or have been deeply wounded by rejection in the past. This may require extra patience on your part.
- If you are dealing with a man who is very introverted, he may seem “distant” or not very talkative, but that doesn’t necessarily mean he is not interested in you.
- If a guy actually comes out and says that he doesn’t want to keep talking or he is not interested, please respect his request and back off to give him space. Meaning – give him space until he changes and begins to pursue you and says he wants to talk with you and be with you. You don’t have to give him the cold shoulder, just respectful space that honors his stated desires.
Here are some things I would personally want to avoid especially in the beginning:
- It can be wise not to immediately ask about where he works – some guys find this off-putting (like you want to find out how much money he makes before you are willing to consider talking with him more). This topic will probably come up in conversation naturally as you ask other questions.
- Avoid negative comments or criticisms.
- Avoid biting sarcasm or humiliating him, even if it is supposed to be a “funny” joke.
- Don’t ask about his long-term plan unless he wants to talk about it on his own.
- Telling him all of your deepest darkest secrets the first time you meet him. It is too soon for that!
- Complaining about other guys you have known, liked, or dated.
- Acting jealous of any women who have been in his life in the past.
- Acting like he owes you time, attention, or romance.
- Don’t volunteer information like, “I want to be married and have children as soon as possible” – that is way too much info too soon! Go slowly, sweet sister. 🙂 God knows your desire to be married. Just enjoy getting to know a guy first. There will be time to talk about dreams in the future.
- I don’t want to smother him or pressure him. So – in most cases, I would not recommend volunteering your phone number to him. Although, there may be some exceptions as you are sensitive to the Holy Spirit. But if you do give him your number, let him contact you first, in general.
- Be careful not to do all the talking. Leave some space for him to talk. Most likely, he will ask you some questions after you ask him some. That would be a great time to talk about yourself.
- Don’t make demands.
- Don’t suddenly put everything else in your life on hold to commit all of your time to a guy you just met. Continue to live your life.
- Continue to seek God first. Find your security, peace, joy, contentment, and purpose in Christ alone no matter what guy may come into your life.
- Dress modestly in a beautiful feminine way. Modesty plus femininity attracts godly men.
- You never have to be desperate or needy. You have Jesus! If you are feeling desperate or needy, please search my home page for things like (idol, needy, clingy) for some posts that may help.
- Remember that men are not really affected much by words. Women love words. Most men are more about attitude and action. So, it is not probably going to attract a guy to send super long or frequent text messages or emails. Actually, too many words and too much communication from a new girl can be a bit smothering. Sometimes it can be wise to let him set the pace of communication. If he texts you, respond to him. If you text him and he doesn’t respond, don’t keep texting on and on. Wait until he responds again before sending another text.