Today’s guest post is by www.withacuppa.com – a Christian wife who writes about marriage.  I want the single girls out there to be thinking about how trustworthy a man is before you date him and when you are dating him.  Your guy can’t and won’t be perfect.  You will have to have God’s grace to offer to him.  But if there are LARGE RED FLAGS that this man is chronically untrustworthy and not worthy of respect – please do not commit to him in marriage.  Trust is a HUGE component of respect for our men.  You will need to trust your man when you are dating to lead you and make the first moves.  You’ll need to let him be the one to ask you out in most situations – it almost always works better this way!  You’ll need to let him be the one to decide when to say, “I love you” first and to call you first.  You will be showing him your trust in his abilities in these little ways at first and that leads up to being able to trust him with your heart, your life, your future, yourself, your sexuality in marriage, raising your children one day, handling your finances, taking care of you when you are sick…  But trust is more than just finding someone trustworthy – you will have to consciously exercise your trust muscles even when you don’t want to at times in marriage.  Learning to trust God and wait on Him now is a skill you will need all your life whether He calls you to marriage or singleness.  These muscles need their biggest workout with God.  I love the parallels between marriage and our relationship with Christ.  See if you notice any in this post.  Read it one time thinking about a man in your life now or possibly in the future – and then read it a second time and think about it in relationship to Your intimacy with Christ.    Much love, my dear sisters!  
You may comment if you have any questions or concerns!  

Trust is so much more!

Trust is about having complete confidence in our husband’s ability to:

  • Act on behalf of our family
  • To lead our family
  • To make decisions for our family
  • To speak up for our family
  • To stand up for his (and our) beliefs and core values
  • To provide for us

But it must also be much more personal than that. I must trust and rely on my husband with (note: WITH not TO DO SOMETHING, but to GIVE HIM SOMETHING):

  • My heart
  • My future hopes and expectations (for our marriage, our family, our life)
  • My sadness
  • My weakness
  • My falibilty
  • What is best for me

I must depend on him to take care of my heart, to nurture and protect me, to do what is right and good for me.Having the courage to let go and release trust into our marriage will liberate me from the belief the I am the only person who can take care of me. 

Trust is difficult when…

When we have witnessed the devastating effects of misplaced trust, it becomes harder and harder to put our own trust in our spouses. We are also bombarded with material and messaging that tells us to be independent, self-sufficient and self-reliant. As women choosing to seek God’s face for our lives and our marriages, I believe we need to turn to God and ask Him to direct us as we put trust back into our marriages and relationships.

I am not proposing that it is an instantaneous release to leave past hurts and regrets behind and step into complete trust. I do, however, believe that it is imperative for us to make the decision to actively work towards regaining and rebuilding the lost trust in our marriages.

I communicate trust when…

If you are serious about communicating trust to your husband:

  • If you have left a decision with your husband, make sure that you LEAVE THE DECISION WITH HIM! Don’t be tempted to second-guess or doubt. You have made your decision to trust, now stick to it.
  • Be supportive of your husband in public forums. When he is communicating with you and others (in group format) or on behalf of your family support his judgement. Don’t contradict his statements or opinions. Don’t cut him off or act disrespectfully. If you have a difference of opinion feel free to discuss this with him when the two of you have time together – open forums are not the platform for this.
  • Allow him to be your protector, friend and confidant. Give him the opportunity to speak out for you, to make decisions for you and to give you direction and show his leadership. Be open to the possibility that he will not fail you and he will probably end up ASTOUNDING you.
  • Tell him you value his opinion.
  • Tell him that you are asking for his advice because you trust and want his guidance and advice.
  • Listen to his thoughts.
  • Defer to his leadership as the final earthly authority in your family and marriage.

And when you don’t

Be willing to apologise when you have neglected to place your trust in your husband. Ask for forgiveness. Every time we fail we have a great opportunity to learn and strengthen our future resolve.

For my part, I am desperately aware of how quickly I retract my trust when the pressure is on. Yet, I know that trust is essential to the well-being and survival of our marriages and it is vitally necessary to the well-being and growth of our husbands. It is certainly worth our effort.

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