I have always been a pretty impatient girl. I like things NOW. The sooner, the better! I don’t like to wait. At all. Even waiting for my 7 year old computer to get started (which takes 5 minutes or so) is just entirely too much waiting for me to stomach most of the time! Better to just leave the thing ON, right?
A little about me:
I was the dominant twin in a set of identical twins (I’m still a twin, but hopefully not so domineering now!!). I am a pharmacist (working 1.5 days/week now). I usually made all As in school and college and I had to have HIGH As. I tended to be a perfectionist – to the point I would make myself sick over my grades. And I am probably a bit OCD – not that you’d be able to tell if you saw my house right now. But I like ZERO clutter. I love not seeing a lot of junk around the house and get a real high from getting rid of stuff and having glorious free space.
I am a type A, go-getter. I know what I want and I know it immediately (I’m not saying I am right anymore, but I know my mind quickly). I know how to get what I want (or at least I think I do!). I don’t wait around – I do it and get it done! I am home a lot with my 5 year old daughter and 10 year old son and I LOVE being their mama! My hubby and I are about to celebrate our 18th wedding anniversary this month!
LEARNING TO WAIT
Two months before the Respected Husband and I really hit our stride with God helping me to figure out respect and stepping down out of the way for my husband to lead – I had an important conversation with God. Not a fun one, but a necessary one. Your situation is a bit different. You are waiting, too, but you are waiting for marriage – and that waiting is some of the hardest waiting there can be for a girl, in my view. But the things I have learned about waiting on God and waiting for your husband can apply to you if you ask God to open your eyes!
I like to MOVE. I like to GO. I like to feel like I am making progress. I like to travel at 60 mph and feel like I am doing something useful for God. I used to try to drag my husband along. Turns out that doesn’t work! At all. So I finally just stopped in July of 2010 (after I had been studying respect and submission for about a year and a half) and said:
“Ok, God. I can see that I have been running way ahead of You. Again. Like usual. I want SO much to do great things for You! I want to serve You in BIG ways! I want to give all of myself to You and do important things in Your kingdom! But right now, my husband doesn’t seem interested in that stuff. I can’t make him be interested in You or Your work. I can’t make him want to give to orphans or adopt children or move to Africa to be missionaries. And maybe it’s not my job to try to lead him like I have been trying to do. I’ve been going about this all wrong. He’s supposed to be in charge spiritually, not me. I’m afraid if he’s in charge, we will never go anywhere. But You are clearly showing me that You want him in charge, not me.
Ok, God. I am going to stop running ahead. I am going to stop trying to force things to happen the way I think they should. I am going to (gasp! – cringe!!!) WAIT. I am going to wait right here geographically, emotionally, mentally and spiritually until You direct me to move. I want to do things Your way now. I am going to listen to my husband. I am going to trust that You will lead me through him. So I will take his direction as if it was coming from Your very lips (unless he is asking me to sin or condone sin). And if he is leading and doesn’t direct me to go anywhere – I am going to sit right here, waiting on You and waiting on him until I am 80 years old if I have to. That will be ok. I want what You want. I want it in Your time and Your way.
I trust You to lead me through my husband. And if we don’t go anywhere, and that is Your will for me – then I will accept that.”
A NEW BEGINNING
This was not an easy conversation for me to have with God. But I knew I had to do it His way. Within 2 months, my husband and I had a HUGE breakthrough in our marriage that tore down the remaining walls of disrespect and misunderstanding and we have not had another significant disagreement or misunderstanding since then to date!?!? We’ve had a few tiny bumps, but they last for about an hour or less and we are able to resolve things right away and everything is wonderful again! REALLY!
Things began to change RAPIDLY. But the funny thing was – I was still. I was at peace. I was patient…. Maybe you don’t know me very well so that doesn’t really have the impact that it should so I just have to reiterate… I was patient! A supernatural God kind of patience and a supernatural God kind of peace I had never known before just swept over my soul, took up residence and has been camping here with me all day every day since then. And it is WONDERFUL!
I sat still. I waited. Nothing horrible happened. I saw God change our marriage. I saw God change my husband. My passive, unplugged husband who seemed miles away emotionally and spiritually for so long began to revive, plug in and draw close to me. He began to be the man I fell in love with again. He started looking at me and smiling at me again. He started to care about my feelings again. He began to want to do something to help me if I was sad. He loves to see me happy more than anything. I watched God transform him and make him blossom into a godly leader, a man of initiative, a man of conviction, courage, integrity, selflessness and a man who would lay down his life for me and our children. Sometimes it was little steps, and sometimes it was BIG leaps and bounds that would take my breath completely away.
A NEW WAY OF LIFE
Instead of me deciding how things would go and steamrolling my husband (and God) with how things would be, and trying to be in charge myself, I began to tell God and my husband what I wanted and how I felt and then leaving things in their hands. And I was at peace!??!!? It was CRAZY! And WONDERFUL!
The more I understood God’s sovereignty, the more I could just sit back, praise God, praise my husband, rest in God’s love, rest in my husband’s love and wait with excitement and anticipation to see what they worked out between the two of them. Even when things looked scary, I had faith and trust in them and depended on them to make the decisions that were in our family’s best interests. And they did.
Right now you will mostly be waiting just on God if you are single, but if you are dating or engaged, you will need to learn to wait on your boyfriend or fiance’s timing and not rush or push him. Waiting on his longer and slower timetable is the key to real intimacy and romance! God’s timetable and our men’s timetables are MUCH, MUCH slower than ours. That is ok. Things go much better when we wait on their timing instead of trying to rush and take charge ourselves. You will spare yourself a LOT of pain if you can learn this early in life!
WHILE I WAIT
I do a lot of praying, reading scripture, studying about God’s design for marriage, godly femininity and family. I have my ears open for God’s voice all through each day, looking for opportunities He gives me to share His love and truth with others. Each day just brims over with opportunities. I sing praises to God out loud while I clean – instead of worrying obsessively like I used to. I sing praises to God in my heart while I drive or work. I think of things to write on my blog instead of constantly trying to figure out how to lead the family like I used to. I think of things to thank God for about Himself and about my husband and my life. I dwell on the good things. I am full of hope, joy, peace and faith. I pray for others continually. But I am not carrying the weight of the outcome like I used to try to do.
It is a busy life, an active life, but a peaceful and still one at the same time. And I truly have a gentle, peaceful, quiet spirit that does not give way to fear – because God has given it to me! What a precious gift! He truly does give good gifts to His children!!
THE DESTINATION ISN’T THE BIGGEST THING
The waiting is about enjoying and savoring the journey. It reminds me of when my husband took me to Colorado for our 10th anniversary. I LOVE travelling with my husband and exploring new places. We would drive and explore different mountain ranges all day and find a hotel on the GPS each night around supper time and stay somewhere spontaneously. I didn’t know exactly where he would take me. Everything was a surprise and an adventure. We enjoyed each moment. We talked and laughed and looked at God’s beautiful creation with wide-eyed wonder. We savored our relationship and the lazy time together. When our flight was delayed and we ended up staying an extra day – we revelled in the chance to be together alone a little bit longer before heading back to see our baby boy. We used the time of waiting to focus on our intimacy, our relationship, our love for each other. What a great way to use waiting time! Then you are not just wasting time, you are LIVING!
That is how I view waiting with my husband and God now. I am relishing being in their presence. I am savoring the relationship. I want to know both of them more. I want to experience their presence and be one with them. They are in charge of the destination. I am just enjoying the ride and soaking up all the attention, love, adoration and unity. It is romantic, exciting, and every day is an adventure because I am no longer in control! God and my husband love to surprise and delight me. And I adore all that they do for me and thank them for what they do. What freedom! What weight has been lifted from my shoulders! I LOVE NOT BEING IN CONTROL!!!!!!!! I LOVE GOD AND MY HUSBAND BEING IN CONTROL! It is the most wonderful experience I have ever had. I never want to go back to the old way.
I have to share this with other women! It is TOO WONDERFUL to keep to myself!
I pray You will help each of us to wait on You and enjoy serving, praising and trusting You while we wait! Let us have a deeply intimate relationship with You. Let us be women of great peace, with gentle and still spirits that do not give way to fear. Let us trust completely in You and let our men see our faith in them. Inspire us to be the women You long for us to be and let our boyfriends/fiances/future husbands be the men You long for them to be. Let us shine a godly example to the world for many to be drawn to Christ! Be greatly glorified in our lives, Lord! We give ourselves and yield ourselves completely to Your will, Your timing, Your way and we want what You want above our own desires!