(I am always assuming that you and the guy you are dating/courting are both fully committed to Christ as Lord of everything in your lives. There should be fruit from God’s Spirit in both of your lives (Galatians 5:22-23). There should be nothing that either of you are putting above Christ in your hearts. You should be able to respect and honor this man as he is right now without wanting to change him. He should treat you with the love of God and you should treat him with the love of God (I Corinthians 13:4-8). Just because a person goes to church once a week and says s/he is a Christian does not mean that person belongs to Christ. Please do not date a guy who is not living for Jesus. That is a recipe for disaster and to marry an unbeliever is disobedience to the clear will and commands of God for us as believers in Christ.)
Maybe you are on board with God’s design for you to be your future husband’s helper and to honor and respect your future husband and his God-given leadership. But what do you do if the man you desire to marry doesn’t seem to have any dreams for his life, big goals for the family, a spiritual vision, specific plans for a ministry, or a clear calling from God? How do you help support a man’s vision and purpose in life when he can’t seem to see it himself? How do you follow a man who is not willing to sit down and explain his long-term vision and plan or who doesn’t even have a long-term vision and plan?
- Won’t you end up just doing nothing and going nowhere and wasting your whole life?
- Wouldn’t that be the worst thing EVER?!?!?!
That was my fear 6 years ago. I thought God couldn’t lead me through Greg before God started me on this journey. Boy, was I wrong! The problem, it turns out, wasn’t that God couldn’t lead me through Greg, it was that I hadn’t been willing to follow God before and I had been too impatient to wait on God and Greg. I kept wanting to run way ahead and do things my way.
I am going to share the most amazing thing with you, my precious sisters:
God DOES have a calling, a purpose, and a vision for your man even if he doesn’t know it or can’t see it right now. He has one for you, too – and His vision, purpose, and calling for both of you are intertwined if you are to be married.
It is ok if your guy doesn’t know where God is leading him. The most important thing is that both of you want to follow wherever God leads.
God knows how to lead your husband-to-be and God knows how to lead you. God has the plan all figured out. It’s fine if the guy you are interested in can’t articulate a spiritual blueprint for the rest of his life. He doesn’t have to write out a five year spiritual goal sheet. He doesn’t have to be the most godly leader on the planet right now (in your estimation) in order to for God to use him to lead you and your future family. Not a big deal. God knows how to use even pagan kings and entire nations to do His bidding, whether they know they are cooperating with Him or not. This is the awesome thing about having our sovereign, omnipotent, omniscient God as our Lord and Master.
God is the key here, not our men and not us!
Sometimes, it is easy to feel like we need to be able to see the whole plan way ahead of time in order for us to get on board. But – God doesn’t usually work that way. Sure, sometimes He does. Sometimes He impresses His calling and a specific ministry or vocation on a person when that person is young and they focus on that mission for the rest of their lives. Other times, things are not neatly mapped out years in advance. Actually – most of the time – He leads in more of a day by day kind of way, giving enough light for just the next step. That can be hard to swallow for those of us who like to control and plan things! But maybe that is the whole point. 🙂 We must learn to walk by faith instead of by a firm plan that we think is set in stone months and years ahead of time.
God calls us to follow Him one day at a time. He asks us to be willing to submit to His will – whatever it is – before we know what the details of His will might be.
It is wonderful for a man to have a calling and vision that he believes is God’s purpose in his life – for his career, his spiritual growth, his marriage, his family, and his ministry. But – as you will soon discover if you don’t already know, our human plans can change in an instant. We don’t always have much control over our circumstances, our job security, the economy, a recession, our health, the ability to land another job…
This is why I would love for women to focus more on a potential husband’s desire to obey God and listen and follow Him wherever He may lead rather than focusing totally on a husband’s plans or lack of plans. I hope that makes sense! God is the only one who can really plan anything and cause it to come to fruition.
- “Unless the Lord builds the house, those who build it labor in vain.” Psalm 127:1
- Now listen, you who say, “Today or tomorrow we will go to this or that city, spend a year there, carry on business and make money.” Why, you do not even know what will happen tomorrow. What is your life? You are a mist that appears for a little while and then vanishes. Instead, you ought to say, “If it is the Lord’s will, we will live and do this or that.” As it is, you boast in your arrogant schemes. All such boasting is evil. If anyone, then, knows the good they ought to do and doesn’t do it, it is sin for them. James 4: 13-17
Thursday, I’m going to share a bit of my story as it relates to this post.
NOTE: If your guy is involved in serious, unrepentant sin, is not in his right frame of mind (due to uncontrolled mental illness, drugs, or alcohol), or is actually abusing you and you are not safe – please seek godly, experienced, biblical counsel and appropriate medical, police, or legal help if necessary. Please don’t follow a man in such situations. If this is your scenario right now, or if you are having these kinds of issues yourself, please don’t read my blog but seek appropriate help. (i.e.: the Salvation Army, Celebrate Recovery, Narcotics Anonymous, Al-Anon, Alcoholics Anonymous, a trusted pastor, a trusted godly wife mentor, a trusted Christian counselor, etc…)