Obviously, this is an extremely stressful time for everyone around the world. We all need a lot more support, love, and nurturing than normal.
But for many men, I think a crisis like this may carry extra emotional and spiritual weight.
Men long to be heroes. They want to provide for and protect those they care about. They want to save the day.
Your man may also have the added weight of trying to keep his businesses alive and wanting to protect and provide for his employees, as well.
Men tend to base their identities on their careers, competency at work, and strength to take good care of those they love or are responsible for.
Millions of people are losing their jobs now. This is painful and scary for everyone. But it is especially excruciating for the men we love. There are a lot of things that are beyond any one person’s control.
The good thing is, we may all be willing to turn more to God as we realize that we don’t have control over much. It’s humbling. But this can be a time of great spiritual growth and strengthening for us all.
Another piece of good news is that we, as believing women, have an incredible amount of power to uplift, encourage, inspire, and bless our men in such a time as this.
If you are not dating/engaged to a man who is following Christ, you may be able to seek to be a blessing to other single Christian brothers (and sisters!) by using some of these same methods.
10 Ways to Bless Your Husband During This Crisis
- Trust God and allow His peace to fill you. Take care of yourself spiritually. Go to God, the Bible, and prayer. Sing praises to God. Your supernatural peace from God is calming and stabilizing for your guy and everyone else around you. If you are dating/engaged, your peace can help your man be a better, more grounded leader who makes wiser decisions, too.
- Try to be aware of his needs during stressful times. Some men need extra time alone to think through things, to pray, and to figure out a wise direction. He may want to talk more. He may need an extra hug or two if you are able to actually get together. Making his favorite meal or treats may bless him. Study him to get to know his particular personality and what most speaks to him when he is under stress. Sometimes, you can ask about how his mom would take care of him when he was young and difficult things happened, and that may give you some ideas, as well.
- Be a safe place for him emotionally. What he really needs right now is to know that being with you is the safest place for him out of any human relationship in the world. He may need a sounding board or someone to listen to his concerns or ideas. He needs to know that you won’t verbally or physically attack him. He needs to see that you aren’t going to blame him for this global catastrophe or be angry at him if he lost his job or can’t visit with you for an extended period of time. He needs to know he can share things with you and that you will not violate his trust. He needs to see that you won’t yell, cuss, criticize, condemn, or humiliate him.
- Be ready to extend grace. This is a very stressful time. Sometimes people get irritable when they are under duress. Don’t take his stress personally. Pray to discern if he could use space, or if it is wise to directly address the issue politely. If he hurts your feelings, try simply saying, “That hurt.” He does need to know if he hurt you. But you don’t have to attack him in return. Also, try to look past the lashing out to see the pain in his heart. Understand that he may be feeling helpless and powerless. God can prompt you with the encouragement your guy may need in each moment. If he sins against you, you may need to address it, but only in ways that honor the Lord—Matt. 7:1-5, Matt. 18:15-17. (Of course, this doesn’t mean it is okay for him to scream at you, emotionally abuse you, or physically abuse you. If you are not safe, please reach out for trusted, experienced help in your area.)
- Have a cooperative, flexible spirit. Leading during a crisis is especially difficult. Instead of arguing with your guy, try to be open and receptive to his ideas (unless he is asking you to clearly sin against God.) Seek to understand his perspective and to value his wisdom just as much as you would like him to seek to understand and value you. You are not required to honor his leadership before marriage, but if you are moving toward marriage, the goal will be to honor his leadership one day and to learn to use your influence authority wisely. This is a great opportunity to practice. If he decides he wants to go ahead and get married and plan the big celebration later, maybe you can be open to it. If he decides to postpone engagement because he lost his job and can’t afford a ring, you can be understanding, or you can explain that you care a lot more about him and being together, not about an expensive ring. If he can’t come to visit you because he wants to protect your health, try to be understanding. Try to avoid arguing or insisting that you are always right and if he doesn’t agree with you he is automatically wrong. Don’t assume he doesn’t love you if you can’t be together as much as you would like or if previous plans are falling through. This crisis is much bigger than either of you or your relationship. It is interfering with everyone’s plans.
- Treat your man with respect and honor. Men thrive on respect the way that women thrive on love. Speak to him with a friendly, positive tone of voice. Smile at him. Share your ideas, needs, and wants in polite, respectful ways. Avoid being demanding, needy, clingy, or controlling. Lecturing, nagging, and preaching won’t be effective. Seek to be patient. Assume the best of him, not the worst. The fact that you both have different perspectives and personalities is a good thing. It makes your relationship stronger—if you can embrace it. Look for the good in him and appreciate his strengths. Also keep in mind that for him to value your respect, you need to be a woman who respects the Lord and herself, as well. (Respecting him doesn’t mean you ignore sin or respect sin. And it doesn’t mean he is equal to or greater than God. Please search my blog for “respect” and “disrespect” for more info.)
- Avoid idolizing your guy. Honestly, only Christ can meet the deepest needs of our hearts for ultimate security, identity, and purpose. You can’t change your man, control him, or make him happy. He can’t change, control, or make you happy either. We can influence each other. But we are each responsible for ourselves. We are also responsible for how we treat others. Use this time to address any dysfunctional ways of thinking in your life and to allow the Lord to heal you so you can be the woman, wife, and mom He calls you to be.
- Pray for your man, and with him, if possible. Everyone needs extra prayer right now, but especially our leaders in government, church, business, schools, families, and important relationships. Ask God to give your guy an extra measure of wisdom. Pray for God’s blessings and favor on your him and for God’s greatest glory in his life. Invite God to do miracles to provide for and protect you both.
- Enjoy him. Make the most of this time. If you are both healthy and able to visit, have fun. Make wonderful memories together. Be available to him as much as you can. Enjoy his sense of humor. Appreciate how handsome he is. Thank him for the little things he does to make your life better. Make sure he knows you value him and you are so glad to get to share life with him. Each day is a precious, priceless gift. See this time as an adventure that could hold many blessings. If you face illness, take good care of each other. Seek to bless one another and support one another as much as possible.
This time of testing will help you see areas in your life where God wants to help you grow in spiritual maturity. It may also reveal areas in your man’s life where he needs to grow, as well.
Pay special attention to the way you both respond to stress. Make notes, even! This will be important information as you continue your relationship and prayerfully consider marriage.
These 10 tips will also work with other friends in your life.
We all need to have a firm support network of other believers around us now online. And let’s also be alert and ready for opportunities God may give us to share the hope we have in Christ with those who don’t yet know Him, that there may be millions who come to Christ during this terrible trial.
What are some ways you have learned to support your guy—or friends/family— during stressful times?
The ABC’s of Salvation
There is no better time than today to get your relationship right with God.
- A = Admit you are a sinner and you can’t be perfect and holy enough in God’s eyes to be right with Him on your own. “For all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God.” Rom. 3:23
- B = Believe that Jesus died on your behalf to pay the price for your sin and to give you a way to be right with God – to be forgiven. “The wages of sin is death, but the gift of God is eternal life through Christ Jesus, our Lord.” Rom. 6:23
- C = Confess that Jesus is your Lord – this means, Jesus is now your Master and you live your life for Him and His glory rather than for yourself. You say it out loud to others and you live it from now on. “If you confess with your mouth, “Jesus is Lord,” and believe in your heart that God raised Him from the dead, you will be saved. For with your heart you believe and are justified, and with your mouth you confess and are saved.” Rom. 10:9-10