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What are some ways I can tell if I am ready to date/court a guy? This mindset I am describing below would be a good goal. If you find that you have work to do in some areas, spend some time with the Lord and invite Him to help you grow in those areas with Him. 🙂
- I am content with my life as it is and content in Christ. I know that however content I am right now is probably a good indicator of how content I will be in a relationship.
- I am committed to holiness, purity, modesty, and obedience to the Lord in all things, including in how I relate to a guy. My relationship with the Lord comes FIRST by a long shot!
- I am determined to seek a spiritually healthy man who treats others well who has godly fruit in his life. Not a man who just goes to church or says, “I’m a Christian.” One of the rare men who decided to follow Christ on his own and who wants to please the Lord more than anything else. A man I want to respect and accept “as is.” Not a man who is “lost puppy,” a “bad boy,” or “my project” who “needs me” to change him.
- I am familiar with the telltale signs of a controlling, dysfunctional relationship and important red flags and have plans to be observant and get out if I see these signs.
- I am going to be on the alert to be sure I am not controlling and to look out for red flags in myself, as well.
- I am familiar with healthy vs. unhealthy relationship skills and ready to learn to relate in healthy ways, allowing God to heal me from any dysfunction.
- I am ready to handle general healthy expectations of a dating/courting relationship:
- I am prepared to guard my heart against attraction to other men.
- I will seek to honor and respect my guy and his preferences when possible and appropriate.
- I am prepared to use my knowledge about respecting men and about modesty wisely.
- I am ready to be flexible and lead-able.
- I still plan to have time for my girl friends and my family.
- I will make sure to have lots of time with God daily and to nourish that relationship more than any other.
- I have plans so that I won’t allow a dating/courting relationship to completely consume my life.
- If I am still at home with my parents under their authority, I will seek to honor their leadership.
- I know who I am as a person and who I am in Christ.
- I trust God completely with directing every area of my life. I have yielded to the Lordship of Christ. I want His will more than anything else, whatever that may mean for me.
- I know the kind of man I want to marry, especially what kind of character and faith I am looking for.
- I am only going to date/court a godly man whom I could consider marrying.
- I know that I could be swept away with emotions or clouded judgment and that I will need to seek godly, wise, experienced counsel before committing to marriage.
- I know that I am responsible for myself spiritually and emotionally. My guy is responsible for himself.
- I am pretty comfortable with dealing with conflict (when necessary) and hard conversations but I am not addicted to conflict and I am willing to learn and grow in this area.
- I am prepared to respectfully, lovingly confront my man if necessary in godly ways.
- I plan to use my feminine influence in my relationship for good.
- I humbly realize I will have a lot to learn in dating, in marriage, in parenting, and in life. I don’t know it all.
- I know what things are relationship destroyers and what things are relationship builders.
- I am willing to receive good things from a godly man graciously:
- compliments
- gifts
- dinners
- wisdom/insights
- plans for how to spend time together sometimes
- I know how not be needy and clingy in the relationship because my security is primarily in Christ, not in a guy. I am willing to let a man go if he decides he wants to leave. I am willing to hold him loosely.
- I am ready to appreciate a godly man’s masculine perspective and wisdom and think of both masculinity and femininity as very good gifts from God.
- I don’t buy the culture’s message that women are goddesses and men are evil.
- I receive God’s truth about masculinity, femininity, relationships, and marriage.
- I understand God’s general design for marriage is to display the gospel to the world (Eph. 5:22-33). Husbands are to represent the loving, selfless, humble, sacrificial leadership of Jesus for the church. Wives are to represent the respect, honor, cooperation, love, and dedication of the church to Jesus in their marriage. I understand the general needs men/women have in preparing for marriage and in marriage.
- I want to have God’s approval much more than any person’s approval.
- If I can’t have a godly man who has genuine fruit of the Spirit in his life and fruit of salvation in his life, I know I would rather not be in a romantic relationship. I am willing to wait on the Lord. I never want to let anyone pull me away from Jesus.
- I am willing to immediately deal with any known sin in my life and to repent of it to God and to my guy as I see issues.
- I am prepared to graciously receive constructive criticisms and godly rebukes.
- I know how (and am prepared to learn more about how) to reverence God, respect a man, and respect myself all at the same time.
- I am prepared to take dating/courtship slowly to make prayerful, careful observations of the other person’s character and my own issues. I am not going to rush quickly into marriage or pressure a guy to rush into marriage before I really know a man well.
- My primary motives in dating/courting are things like:
- To find a godly husband for whom I can be a helpmeet.
- To seek to become more and more the woman God calls me to be, to grow spiritually myself.
- To see if we might be compatible for a godly marriage.
- To bless, edify, affirm, encourage, and inspire my guy.
- To honor the Lord in the way I interact with my man.
- To examine this man prayerfully to see if he might be a wise choice for me for marriage in the future.
- My primary motives are NOT things like:
- getting back at an ex.
- trying to get other girls to be jealous.
- trying to look like I “have it all” to other people on social media.
- to find a guy who will “make me happy.”
- to make a guy responsible for my emotions and spiritual well-being.
- what is in it for me.
- using a guy rather than loving and respecting him.
- finding my security in a man.
RELATED:
Being a Peaceful Girlfriend – by Lee Ann
Warning Signs of a Controller – Dove Christian Counseling
How Can I Tell If I Am Ready to Be a Godly Wife?
How to Prepare for the Reality of Marriage without Idolizing It
