This verse below is about married women, but it applies to single women in relationships, as well. In every relationship, we are either building up or tearing down. We are either speaking death or speaking life. Here, I am specifically writing for women who desire to follow Christ wholeheartedly and I am assuming you are seeking a relationship with a man who truly desires to follow Christ wholeheartedly, as well.
A wise woman builds her house but with her own hands the foolish one tears hers down. Prov. 14:1
Let’s invite God to help us spot “the little foxes” as Song of Solomon describes them that would try to ruin our relationships. Let’s pray that God will show us anything we are doing that is toxic to our men or to ourselves and turn from those sinful ways to God’s holy ways. We can invite His Spirit to transform us and to empower us to live in His ways.
Here are some quick ways to destroy trust and emotional/spiritual intimacy in your relationship with your man:
- Insult your man out loud or even just in your own heart.
- View him as your enemy. See him as evil and yourself as good. (Self-righteousness)
- Ignore all of his positive qualities.
- Assume the absolute worst about him as a habit, even if there is no evidence.
- Assume your negative emotions are infallible.
- Use words to tear him down.
- Treat him like a child. Disrespect him.
- Don’t appreciate the things he does for you.
- Cherish bitterness in your heart against him.
- Flirt with other men.
- Threaten violence or attempt to physically injure him.
- Bond with girlfriends by having man-bashing sessions. Gossip about him.
- Purposely choose to be too busy to invest in the relationship with him.
- Don’t use good manners.
- Be emotionally unsafe.
- Compare him unfavorably to other men.
- Be contentious and argumentative.
- Complain and be negative.
- Assume you are always right and he must be wrong if he has a different perspective.
- Smother and try to control him.
- Be desperate and needy.
Some of these things are blatant and some are more subtle, but they are all harmful – in any relationship, really, for men or women. God calls those who follow Jesus to live holy lives. This means He completely transforms our thinking, motives, words, and actions to look more and more like Jesus as we allow Jesus to transform us and to live in and through us.
A woman who follows Jesus has a different approach:
Love does no harm to its neighbor. Rom. 13:10
And, this verse is about marriage, but it would also apply in dating relationships about godly women:
She does him good and not harm all the days of her life. Prov. 31:12
Open our eyes to any things we may be doing that are destructive. Help us to repent to You and to receive Your healing and the power of Your Spirit to pour Your LIFE, goodness, blessing, and kindness into our relationships. Help us to rebuild trust on our end and to build up our men and not tear them down.