From a precious single sister in the Lord who is in her 30s:

I have been thinking about loneliness and being single and I realized something that was profound to me. I am not the loneliest when I am the least surrounded or the least social.

I am the loneliest when I am harboring sin in my life.

This thought caused a chain reaction of thoughts to process and eventually I had Eureka moment.

  • My deepest loneliness is not caused by the lack of a man, a lack of friends, or a lack of community.
  • My deepest loneliness is when I create distance between myself and my heavenly Father.

When I feel the most desperate to have a husband is when my spiritual life is out of balance. When I am daily in the Word, daily in prayer, daily in worship, daily in communion with the Father there isn’t a void that needs to be filled.  “But he said to me, ‘My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.’ Therefore I will boast all the more gladly of my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ may rest upon me.” (2 Corinthians 12:9) took on a whole new meaning. His power is perfect in our weakness. It is not perfect because of our weakness, but in spite of our weakness. When I could finally embrace that I am absent of all good without Him, that is when He consumed my life with His perfection.

When sin consumed my heart, I was searching for something. For so long I thought it was a husband because the loneliness was more than I thought I could bear, at times. The lonely nights of crying myself to sleep, the pain of leaving another bridal shower, the agony of attending a wedding, the sobs that would come after holding a friend’s newborn child – they were symptoms. They were not the disease. Sin was the disease and it consumed every part of my being.

I was dying to be made whole, but I didn’t realize the medicine I needed was Christ alone.

My sweet single sisters, we feel so alone and isolated at times because our desire to have marriage. The loneliness we feel is not exclusive to those without husbands.  The answer isn’t a man, it is Jesus. I have a married friend who is so often lonely. I could never understand her loneliness, at times even thinking she was selfish. But the need to be loved and cherished does not discriminate based on marital status. We are fallen humans and that deep need is Christ! The desire for her to feel loved by her husband was a craving for a void to be filled. Her husband could never love her enough to fill what God reserved for Himself.

I do not think every twinge of loneliness is a result of sin, so please do not misunderstand my words. But, needing a man more than God, whether married or single, is making that man an idol. It is separating us, married/single/widowed from the oneness with Christ. I am not saying you are sinning for feeling lonely. However, desperately needing the love of a person more than the God is dangerous territory. It is time we realize that we all have the same need for God. We are in this together.

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