A guy can be a wonderful addition to your life.  He can bring you a lot of happiness and bring love, relationship and fullness to your life.  He can do things that delight you sometimes.  It can be amazing to be in a romantic relationship.

But he can never be Christ to you.

It’s EASY for us as women to turn our men into idols in our hearts.

God designed marriage to be a living parable of the very great mystery of Christ and His relationship with His church.  The husband is to represent Christ and His sacrificial leadership, provision and protection.  The wife is to represent the church and its adoration, reverence, and willing cooperation. (Ephesians 5:22-33)

But sometimes we expect our men to fill the emptiness in our souls that only God can fill.  Having a person as an idol always leads to great disappointment on our part, and can make the idolized person feel completely smothered and like they are drowning in our needs.


  • No matter what he does, it’s never enough, you are never satisfied.
  • You expect HIM to make you happy.  You lay the total responsibility for your happiness at his feet.
  • You are a whirlpool of neediness, clinging to him, demanding things of him, expecting SO MUCH from him constantly – and if he doesn’t deliver, you are devastated and very angry.
  • You want him to change to be who you want him to be and you can’t accept him as he is.
  • You expect perfection from him.
  • You have no grace, forgiveness or mercy to offer to him.
  • You think that life would end if he is not with you: if he died, if he left you, if he moved away, if he stopped loving you.
  • You MUST have a commitment from him, or  an engagement ring. 
  • You think, “If he would just do X” then I would be happy!
  • You try to control him and MAKE him do what you want him to do.
  • You don’t respect him for who he is.  You want to remake him in your own image or the image you have for him in your mind.
  • You aren’t cooperative with his leadership, you want to make the choices and lead the relationship. 
  • You don’t derive your joy from your relationship with Christ alone, you cling too tightly to your man.  Your happiness depends on what your man does or doesn’t do and say.


I pray You will expose any idols that we are putting in our hearts above You.  Help us to throw down every idol and only worship, serve and honor You as God in our hearts.   Help us to love You above everything and everyone else in our lives.  Let us find our joy, our identity, our strength, our purpose and our needs met in Christ alone.  Help us to have our relationships in proper perspective and follow Your instructions to make them as healthy and joyful as possible.  Help us to find our joy in You not in any man.

In the Name of Christ,


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