One last post based on emails from my new friend and sister in Christ who I have been corresponding with (One Woman’s Regrets, Do I Use Men Instead of Love Them in a Godly Way?, Sexual Fantasy and Masturbation)  I praise God for what He is doing in her heart.  He is opening her spiritual eyes.  She is really “getting it!”  Please pray for her to continue on and to grow in her faith, that her life might bring great glory to God and that she may draw nearer and nearer to the heart of Christ.
This is my prayer for each of you!
Yes, my life has been messed up being without my Dad. It was hard on my Mum losing her soulmate and we grew up differently than we would’ve done if he’d been there.
BUT, I’ve made a realisation. The thing we need most in the world, even more than freedom from sin, is the love of the Father! That’s why Jesus came – to bring us back to Him. So that His children could come home. Of course our sins have to be dealt with to do that but our biggest need is the Father.

I never knew that before. That’s our biggest need!

It doesn’t matter how old we get, we’ll never be free of that need. We’ll always be babes in arms, completely dependent on Him.  We ARE wired for approval – but when we are out of relationship with God (as I am) we seek it from people. But we’re really wired to want God’s approval first. We’re designed that way, we weren’t meant to live independently. It’s not even possible to live independently anyway, because even our ability to breathe, sleep, move, work, and the food and water we consume, everything comes from Him.

So, I finally know now my biggest, bestest need. (yes, I know bestest isn’t a word). Why didn’t I realise that before?

I lost my earthly father and have been looking for a father ever since, in all the men I’ve been with and the approval I’ve sought from others.

It’s hard to say what kind of person I’d be if I discovered what it’s like to be loved with that Father love.

Perhaps that had better be my life’s mission, discovering God.

Didn’t Jesus say, ‘ And this is life eternal, that they may know Thee, the one true God, and Jesus Christ, the one Thou hast sent.’ ? Didn’t He say that?
Well, I don’t know why I didn’t make this realisation before. Why didn’t I know this before?
I realised yesterday that I will never find what I’m looking for in men. It’s useless to go on trying. I’ve turned away from the idea of having my deepest needs met from them, so at this time I’m not really interested in learning about men any more. I’ve paid far too much attention to them over my lifetime already. That’s not to say we as women shouldn’t try to understand them and how to best relate to them, but it’s not important at this time I don’t think. And that’s not to say that people can’t meet some of our needs but they shouldn’t be our primary source.
That’s all for now, thanks again for your support.
I was pondering the other day how to find the Father and really get to know Him. All I have is the word of Jesus in the Gospels. I don’t want to read books about other people’s experiences of how they found Him – mine will be my own personal, private journey.
But then the thought came to me – write out everything Jesus ever said about the Father and meditiate on a scripture each day. Meditate, and let the Spirit teach me. I think there’ll be revelations.
I just need to make sure I DO it…
The last few days I’ve been catching myself  and realizing what’s going on, saying, ‘there you go again, after approval.’
So I thought, perhaps it’s best to desire more than anything else a talent for loving – loving God and loving others. Excel at that, it’s better than being a great debater, fantastic writer, sportsman or whatever. It’s what’s going to matter in eternity, isn’t it – how well did we love Jesus and others?
  • Of course that’s what I SAY – how much do I believe it?
It’ll take time to change my mindset and think that this talent is the best. Meantime, I’ll probably still feel less than others at times.
And of course I can’t excel at this talent unless God helps me. No one can love like that without Him.


This is what God wants
1. For us to love Him with ALL our hearts, souls, minds and strength
2. For us to love others with His love

It is ALL about Him.

It is ALL about knowing Him more and more.

Our greatest need is to be in right relationship with God.
That is the only way we can be in right relationship to anything else.
Check out David Platt’s Youtube sermon “Finding God’s Will for Your Life”
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