A guest post from a single sister in Christ (in response to an old post):
What God expects of men and women are often some of the very things we desire in each other. Yes, I expect a man to love, cherish and sacrificially lead me. I don’t expect him to lead selfishly or be brutish. My desires are biblical. If a man desires a woman to respect him and follow his lead, this is also biblical. Demanding it is different than expecting it.
- Women shouldn’t be demanding their man do his part. He should just be doing it.
- Men shouldn’t be demanding anything as if they are owed anything either. The woman should be doing it on her own.
We are to watch the actions of the other and make wise decisions. Be led by the Spirit and set our standards according to those set in God’s Word. If we see the other person not measuring up, this is a cause for concern, and it should be respectfully addressed in love. No pressuring or nagging. Not only is that not really effective but you shouldn’t have to bring it up over and over again. Either people are going to do what’s right or they are not. And people are often on their best behavior BEFORE marriage.
A woman should learn to quietly observe the man, no pressuring and take her concerns to God in prayer before confronting the man. Maybe he is just not ready but has full intention of marrying her but he is submitted to God’s way and God’s timing. If a man wants to marry a woman he will pursue her and propose at the appropriate time.
Why women give their men ultimatums and pressure them is beyond me! 🙂 I firmly believe if he is truly committed he will ask for his lady’s hand in marriage. She shouldn’t have to wait 20 years! If she has to give him an ultimatum that marriage likely should not be happening. Yet, many women do this – they lead, they pressure, and sometimes even propose. I’m not saying it’s wrong for any who have done it. I’m just a firm believer in God’s design and believe that works best. 🙂 Let the man pursue us, let him lead, and yes women do respond and also set the pace by her response.
And we are to always pray and practice caution.
One thing women can do is pay attention to nature; certain species of female animals are very selective. The males could fight, dance or do a display showing off their colors or whatever it is they do to prove themselves worthy, and whatever God given instinct she has makes her bypass one male and chose the next. We as women (and this applies to men also) have more to lose than an animal if we make the wrong choice in a mate. We need to be selective. Let’s not feel guilty about having standards.
Although I know we shouldn’t have unrealistic expectations, I also know we need to balance that with the fact that God has called us to behave a certain way toward each other and we should be doing it, and sometimes it’s wise to postpone a wedding or cancel it, or end a relationship. But at the same time that should only be done after praying and seeking God for wisdom, acknowledging issues to the other person and patiently waiting for a season for change. Then if we see we are still headed for trouble, absolutely use wisdom and end things if necessary.
I as a woman MUST be able to trust my potential husband that I am totally safe under his care, will not be taken advantage of, will be loved provided for and cherished before I decide it’s safe to marry- submission is nearly impossible without trust. A woman should know if she can trust him before marriage. If she marries despite red flags, God’s grace is still sufficient, and God be with her! Once a woman marries, he is her head whether she made a wise choice or not.
Men and women must be very prayerful and careful and not feel bad about it. We seem to live in an age where caution is criticized, especially in the world. Some people are more concerned with Mr. or Mrs. Right-Now instead of Mr. or Mrs. Right.
Everything we do should be to glorify God, including our decision of who to marry.
I believe we are obligated to seek God for wisdom and understanding, and that it helps us to walk this life on earth in obedience and in victory. I absolutely acknowledge that yes, marriage will present the opportunity for lots of spiritual growth, refinement, and transformation to becoming more and more like Christ . No one truly is perfect. I like to be realistic about this. I cannot expect to meet a perfect man who will join me in a problem free marriage. It does not exist. But I realize that with my own freedom of choice, I could make a decision in selection that could make things even more difficult than they have to be. I could harm myself and family and future generations. This is what I want to avoid.
Once in a marriage we have a duty to God to be in full obedience to Him whether our spouse is obeying God or not. I want to be wise as a serpent, harmless as a dove. I believe it is a tool of the enemy that has many men and women tossing aside caution and willfully making mistakes in some instances, to become involved in very bad situations so that they won’t be “alone”.
God is all powerful and can break EVERY chain.
I never lose sight of that. But some people don’t want to change and don’t even admit they have a problem in the first place. Although people can change miraculously, I will not chose to willingly become involved in something like that, while proclaiming “God’s grace is sufficient! After all no one’s perfect!” I say this because I see people settling for unhealthy situations and their response when I express my concern is that they don’t think they can find anyone better 🙁
And some think they can change the person. There seems to be a madness, an obsession with not being single in our society, and an obsession with the idea of being married, and it’s very unhealthy. I believe this madness stems from people having the God void that cannot be filled by any person, place or thing, but they think that if they get married or find the “perfect” career or the nice material things, their void will be filled and their happiness completed.
Some people falsely believe that being in a detrimental relationship is better than not being in one at all.
Sometimes, a person may rush to “set up” people who are single, and they are not always being led by God. God can use a person to introduce two people, who may Iater marry. I understand that too, but prayer is key. Carefully and prayerfully proceed and if it’s of God, He will make that known 🙂
I want to marry right! Our marriages should glorify God.
Don’t Rush into Marriage – my newest Youtube video