I feel like we are all starting to get our bearings a little bit after taking a break to grieve the last few weeks. Greg’s mom’s sudden death really knocked the wind out of our family, especially coming so soon after his dad’s unexpected and sudden death (August) and my grandma’s death (June).
Things are beginning to normalize a bit. A new normal, of course, because Greg’s parents were such a huge part of our daily lives.
I have been allowing myself to feel my grief and to sit with it. Tears come easily these days. Sometimes over simple things like:
- When I go to Walmart to get my groceries, I don’t need to text Mom C anymore to see what I can pick up for her.
- Friday nights feel strange with the kids not sleeping over at Greg’s parents house like they had almost every Friday for 11 years.
- When we drive by the Cassidys’ house, or go to work on cleaning things up in their house, it feels emotionally empty and weird.
- Christmas and our kids’ birthdays over the past two weeks have been very different.
- Greg has had to fix things with the house or one of the cars and his dad hasn’t been there with him whistling, joking, laughing, and talking.
- When Greg has been on the phone in recent weeks, he’s not chatting with his parents, like he used to do almost every day. He’s usually talking to someone about cancelling his mom’s accounts and notifying them of her death or talking to the lawyer. I miss hearing him talking with his mom and dad.
- I miss our visits with Greg’s parents, and being able to email and text his mom.
- When I work, our son picks our daughter up from school instead of her grandparents. Super thankful he just got his license. But it is different from the way things have been since our children started school.
There are just so many reminders everywhere of their absence.
Sometimes, without much warning, I suddenly break out crying for a few minutes. I accept that. We are all grieving in our own different ways. Our hearts are still very raw.
What peace knowing that Greg’s parents and my Grandma all knew the Lord! That is such a comfort.
Our son is doing a lot better, I think. He is having fewer flashbacks. But he is still a bit on edge, understandably. Especially if he can’t get in touch with us or a friend and he’s not sure if everyone is safe.
Our daughter tends to hold everything in during the day or for a few days, then she lets everything out with me at night and tells me what she has been thinking. Our son often comes in and the kids and I share together. Or all four of us share together on our bed. We have had some of the most important conversations ever in recent weeks about eternal things.
Greg has been leading well. He has a lot of weight on him with having to figure out all of the financial, legal, and estate things. And yet, he has made sure to take time to be with each of us and to try to help us have fun and enjoy life, too. He doesn’t want us to stop living or become paralyzed. I really admire that about him.
Greg and I have been there for each other. I can see how God has been preparing us to be able to go through this painful time. I am so thankful! It has been excruciating, but I can’t imagine if this had happened many years ago. We are both in a much better place spiritually now.
I have been spending as much time as possible with God. Being still. Praying. Seeking Him more than ever. Trusting Him. Praising Him. Singing to Him. Crying out to Him. Thanking Him.
Our family is closer, more loving, and more united than ever right now. We have been praying together a lot more than before. We seem to appreciate each other more. Very thankful for these blessings.
I see God working in all of us, strengthening our faith. Giving us a greater sense of urgency with the Gospel message. Creating in us an even deeper love for other people and a desire to see everyone come to know Jesus as Lord and to experience His salvation and eternal life. He is giving us much greater boldness to love and share with others as we see just how short life can be and how quickly everything can change.
The Bible is right about that there is wisdom in the house of mourning. It sure does put a lot of things in life in proper perspective.
We actually had another death in our extended family just last Friday! And I can’t even begin to count how many of our friends, extended family have lost parents/siblings in the past year or who have experienced extremely difficult trials.
As the text messages/phone calls just keep coming in over the past few months about one terrible crisis or another in and around our family, we stop and pray together for our friends and family. We feel just how dependent we are on God and know how little we can do to fix anything in our own power.
2018 was a rough year for so many people. It’s not just our family.
The theme God gave me this summer was “Counting Trials As Joy.” And we have gotten to experience it more than ever. There really can be much joy in the Lord even in the midst of our darkest trials.
I don’t know that 2019 will be any easier. I have a suspicion that there will be a lot more “shaking” going on in many ways this year around the world.
Time is getting short. It is time to be alert spiritually and to make sure things are right between us and the Lord and in our relationships with others. It is time to seek the Lord more than ever and to make the most of the time we do have to be fruitful in God’s Kingdom.
God is very good. Even in our trials. Even when the shakeable things in this world crumble, He is unshakeable. He, alone, is the Solid Rock. His Word always stands and we can always depend on Him to be our Fortress, our Shield, and our Ever Present Help in Trouble.
Lord, You have been our refuge in every generation.
Before the mountains were born,
before You gave birth to the earth and the world,
from eternity to eternity, You are God.
I joyfully yield all of my family, my life, and myself to the Lordship of Jesus Christ. I want to experience every single thing He wants to do in and through me this year. I want to follow Him up onto much higher ground with greater faith than ever. I want to see His kingdom come and His will be done in our family and in all of your lives, as well.
May we each build our 2019 and our entire lives on Him!
I hope to be able to share more soon.
We all appreciate your love, support, and prayers for our family more than we could possibly say!
Much love! I am praying for you all.
You are welcome to share in the comments if you would like to.