The problem with asking why
- Why did you take that road?
- Why did you do that?
- Why didn’t you think of this?
- Why do you talk to your friends so much?
- Why don’t you come to see me more often?
The worst part is, asking a bunch of “why” questions can deflate his romantic spirit toward you. Behind a lot of “whys” is an assumption. Often an assumption of wrong motives on his part.
- Why did you get me ice cream?
- You want me to get fat, don’t you?
- Why didn’t you take me out to eat tonight?
- You don’t love me, do you?
- Why did you take that road?
- When obviously, this one I thought of is better. You aren’t a very good driver.
- Why do you work so late?
- It’s because you don’t want to be with me, isn’t it?
When we approach our men with wrong assumptions, we can really throw a whole truckload of unnecessary drama into the relationship.
Assuming he doesn’t love you without any evidence is not fair to him. It’s demeaning. And sometimes when we continually throw unjustified accusations at our men, understandably, they eventually decide they aren’t very interested.
If you believe you really do need more information, approach your guy respectfully
- Hmm… I think I’m confused. Would you mind sharing some of your thoughts on this?
- That was surprising! I’d love to hear more about your perspective on this issue.
- I would really like to understand this situation better. I think it would help me if I could know a bit more about your thought processes.
- Your perspective is really different from mine. I’d like to try to get a better understanding of your viewpoint.
Sometimes questions are not helpful or necessary
- Why he chose a certain road rather than another one.
- Why he ate what he did for breakfast.
- Why he didn’t shave that day.
- Why he brushes his teeth in the morning before eating.
If we ask about every little thing, it can feel like an uncomfortable interrogation from a guy’s perspective. Feeling like he is being questioned constantly doesn’t make him want to share his heart and deepest thoughts. It tells him there is a red flag.
It makes him feel like it is an irritated mother/naughty little son relationship. That feels icky. Not romantic.
When you have a good guy, treat him like one
