If you are interested in a guy, or dating a guy, or engaged to a guy who truly desires to live for Christ and please God – and you don’t have reason to believe that this man has a lying issue – I would like to suggest that you believe him and take what he says at face value.
This is a generalization, but – most men say what they think and don’t try to do a lot of sugar coating. Most of them don’t try to cushion everything or try to hide their real feelings or throw out vague hints. They are usually fairly direct. (Gentlemen, I invite you to comment on this. I don’t want to misrepresent our brothers.)
I want to share my friend’s story. She has been on this journey to become a godly wife for 3 years and 1 month now. Below is what she is learning this month.
FROM A FELLOW WIFE:
I’ve been thinking how different our marriage would be if I just truly took my husband at his word, if I believed him, if I took him as literally as he intends his words to be INSTEAD of allowing doubt and insecurity to creep in. Instead of over-analyzing and worrying he may not mean what he’s saying or that he’s just trying to spare my feelings or avoid conflict. How much more secure would I be in his love? How much happier would I be in our marriage? How much have I allowed Satan to steal from me through causing doubt, fear and insecurity?
- Instead of thinking he doesn’t love me as much as he says he does, just believe him.
- Instead of believing I’m a low priority because he has things he wants to do, how about believing him when he says he just has things he wants to get done and it’s no reflection of his feelings for me.
- How about believing him when he says he loves me with his entire heart instead of wondering if he’s truly got his priorities in order and prioritizes his marriage?
It would be a MUCH less painful way to live.
The reason I shared this is that I was thinking that doubt and insecurity can steal SO much from you – they’ve certainly been enemies of mine the last few years and I’m tired of the battle. It’s certainly easier and feels much better to have confidence in his love for me.
My husband’s biggest complaint (or close to the top) over the years has been that I don’t believe him.
I don’t want him to feel that way at all! It’s not been a matter of believing him but a matter of doubt and insecurity creeping in. But I want to conquer that. Love believes all things (Corinthians 13:8)!
I once read in book that Satan’s weapons are always doubt, deceit and distraction and if you can trace your thoughts back to those then you know you’re in a spiritual battle.
This is definitely a battle of doubt.
Isn’t this the same issue we have with God so many times? What would happen if we just believed Him and took the Bible at face value and accepted His Word to us?
But, back to talking about our men. It has been my experience that most decent men really do try to tell their women the truth and are pretty straightforward. We tend to get ourselves into a lot of trouble though, because we want to read into everything. What did that look mean? What was that inflection in his voice? Maybe he really meant this, not what he said. Maybe he is trying to hide his real feelings. And we get into a big tizzy over all of the possible interpretations we can imagine regarding what our guy said rather than just taking his words at face value.
This is a lot of very unnecessary drama, my sisters!
It is extremely frustrating to a man to tell his woman the truth and then have her not believe it and begin imagining 96 other things he may have meant – non of which are remotely true. In fact, for a man to tell his girlfriend/fiancé the truth – he loves her, he finds her attractive, he has to work late, etc… – and for her not to believe him and to assume evil ulterior motives instead – feels really disrespectful to a man. Why is that? Because she is calling him a liar. No one enjoys being called a liar. Certainly not most men.
What if your guy does fudge things a bit to keep from upsetting you? What do you do then? Well, I think that if you begin to take his words at face value and don’t freak out and launch into “what if” land, he may eventually begin to feel safe enough to be more honest with you when he has a problem, a criticism, or something unpleasant to share. In fact, as you learn to truly respect your guy and you become a safe place for him to share, you may find that he begins to share more difficult and uncomfortable things with you because he trusts you with his heart.
If he truly has a lying problem, that is a different situation. But for most of us, what if we try taking up a challenge (if you are dating a man who is truly seeking to be a godly man):
Treat your man as if you completely believe whatever he tells you this week. Take his words at face value. Rest in them. Act on them.
- If he says he likes something, believe him.
- If he says he doesn’t need help – trust that he is being honest and don’t help him.
- If he says he thinks you are beautiful – graciously receive the compliment and rest in his words, trusting that he is telling you the truth.
- If he doesn’t give a lot of compliments, rest in what he does to show his love for you and that he is still there.
- If he says he loves you, receive it.
- If he does something special for you – receive that as his way of showing love for you and appreciate him.
If he is not being honest about little things, he will figure out that he can change things as you begin to consistently take him literally and as you are a safe place for him to share the truth. Your man is probably a pretty intelligent guy. You may be amazed at how relieved he feels when you stop questioning everything he says – if you have been doing that.
A second part of this challenge might be – for you to communicate clearly, honestly and respectfully, as well. We’ll talk about that in the next post!
If you have already been down this road and have learned the blessings and freedom of just believing your man and generally trusting that he is being honest, please share your story.
How would your relationship with God change if you began to do this with Him, as well? What would happen if you just took His Word at face value – believe it and act on it?