BULLIES DO THINGS LIKE:
– call people awful names
– insult people
– scream at them
– assassinate people’s character, worth and dignity as human beings
– say negative things about them to others
– bash their victims verbally on Facebook or in social media
– try to make their victims look dumb, incompetent or bad in front of others
– send frequent messages to people to devalue them, put them down and ridicule them
– use condescending words, tone of voice and body language to try to humiliate their victims
– try to turn other people against their victims
– act like they are “better than” those they hurt
– try to cause the deepest emotional pain possible to others
– show no remorse, in fact, they seem to delight in inflicting serious pain on their victims
- Most of us who are moms would do almost ANYTHING to keep our children from being bullied.
What about our men?
What if we found out that someone was using these same bullying tactics on them?
Take a look at that list about what bullies do to their victims again. Think about how you would feel if someone was mistreating your guy in these ways.
I believe most of us DEEPLY love our men. You wouldn’t be reading about becoming a more godly woman and about having godly relationships if you didn’t love your man.
Let’s think about how we treat our men.
I am ashamed to say it now, but I did some of these things after we were married and things began to go wrong. I didn’t see it at the time. I felt unloved. My husband was so shut down, I felt justified in how I treated him because of my own pain. I didn’t think he had feelings. He never verbalized that I hurt him. I had no idea my husband was shut down and unplugged because my behavior wounded him. 🙁 I didn’t see the signs that he was hurting. I didn’t see how deeply discouraged and depressed he was. It wasn’t ALL because of me. Some of it was that it took 7 years after he graduated to find an engineering job. But – looking back, I see that what I did and what I said and how I said it made things infinitely worse for my husband.
It is easy to excuse myself for my own behavior if I believe
- “He started it”
- “He’s being unloving to me, so I’ll show him”
- “He’s ignoring me, so I have to increase the intensity to get his attention so he will see how much pain I am in and he will love me more.”
As Gary Thomas says in Sacred Marriage:
We are most tempted to sin when we are sinned against.
When I resorted to lashing out at my husband, he didn’t “love me more” – he shut down. Some men will respond in anger to this kind of treatment. But – what is behind the shutting down or the anger is deep hurt in our men’s hearts when we verbally attack them.
It is NOT right for me to treat anyone like this! No matter how I am being treated. Especially if I belong to Christ. He calls upon me to respond to others with overwhelming grace, mercy, forgiveness and unconditional love.
Something else to consider – I believe that we as women can have a powerful influence on how our girl friends and other women treat their men, too. If a coworker or cousin or sister talks about how she is doing these kinds of things, maybe there could be an opportunity for us to gently talk about that when we treat our men in these kinds of ways, it destroys their souls. Maybe we can shine a bit of light for Christ about the importance of treating all people with dignity, respect, value, kindness, courtesy, gentleness, love and self-control.
How does God expect believers to respond when we are feeling unloved?
1. He expects us to love HIM with all our hearts, souls, minds and strength.
2. He expects us to love others with His kind of love.
These are the two greatest commandments Christ gives us. These are to be the primary focus of our lives at all times.
Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. Love never fails. I Corinthians 13:4-8
HOW GOD DESIRES US TO TREAT OTHERS – EVEN THOSE WHO MISTREAT US
Love must be sincere. Hate what is evil; cling to what is good. 10 Be devoted to one another in love. Honor one another above yourselves. 11 Never be lacking in zeal, but keep your spiritual fervor, serving the Lord. 12 Be joyful in hope, patient in affliction, faithful in prayer. 13 Share with the Lord’s people who are in need. Practice hospitality.
Bless those who persecute you; bless and do not curse. Rejoice with those who rejoice; mourn with those who mourn. Live in harmony with one another. Do not be proud, but be willing to associate with people of low position. Do not be conceited.
Do not repay anyone evil for evil. Be careful to do what is right in the eyes of everyone. If it is possible, as far as it depends on you, live at peace with everyone. Do not take revenge, my dear friends, but leave room for God’s wrath, for it is written: “It is mine to avenge; I will repay,”says the Lord. On the contrary:
“If your enemy is hungry, feed him;
if he is thirsty, give him something to drink.
In doing this, you will heap burning coals on his head.”
Do not be overcome by evil, but overcome evil with good. Romans 12:9-21
** If there are serious issues in your relationship (mental health problems, abuse, infidelity, substance abuse, addictions, violence, etc…), please seek godly help!