Confessions of a Mini-Skirt Addict — My Wonderful Discovery of Modesty in Clothing
|Modest and Feminine Christian Dressing 🙂 – 2012|
By my good friend, Nikka. You can find her blog at www.peacefulwifephilippines.blogspot.com
When Dong and I were just starting as boyfriend-girlfriend, he would always tell me that I would look very good in long skirts, and that he would prefer if I wore those instead of my well-loved mini-skirts. He also said I’d look nicer if I did not wear too-tight tops or too-high heels. At that time, I was just 21, and The Spice Girls were en vogue, and I was so used to wearing very tight-fitting clothes and teeny-weeny skirts and very high heels, so I found his commentweird and him, old (He was 28). That was so not how I dressed! In my mind, I thought: “That is so manang (like an old lady)! I am just 21 for heaven’s sake!”
|Basketball muse -2000|
My wardrobe as a young adult basically consisted of very short skirts and very tight tops or very tight dresses, which I found sexy. Those were my normal outfits. I wore them like ‘uniforms’.
It validated me to be thought of as “sexy”. I didn’t mind and I reveled at male strangers’ or male co-workers’ ogles and stares. I think I even found it flattering when they said really bastos (lewd) comments regarding how I looked. Back then, I took in those nearly, if not actuallysexually harassing comments as compliments! I felt so happy! Yikes!!!
I think my equation back then was :
I AM BEING DESIRED LUSTFULLY = I AM BEAUTIFUL.
I think this twisted view of how I regarded myself started as early as high school. I felt that the more I showed skin, the more desirable I was. It didn’t help that my own mother never stopped me from going out of the house in those clothes. She even bought me those clothes herself. (I wonder what Mama was thinking back then!)
|Mama and I going to a taping for Pen Pen De Sarapen – 1994|
I held on to this mentality for a LONG TIME. You can even say, I was in bondage of wanting to be overtly sexy and of craving for the ungodly and lustful attention from men andappreciation/envy from women.
|14 y/o in a dress Mama bought – 1991|
Writing about it now, I suddenly realized it was that bad.
I had it so very wrong! 🙁
Compared to other girls now, my clothes might not even be considered as “too sexy”. It might just be labeled as “cute sexy” or sometimes even “moderately conservative”, but that is not the point.
The point is my style of presenting myself was not representative of my relationship with God.
I was sort of “broadcasting my wares” in a worldly manner, while claiming to be a follower of Christ.
|College Friends and I in my short black dress- grad night, 1996|
No wonder that in college, some boys thought me to be a walking contradiction. They said I looked like I smoked and drank. (For the record: I have never smoked and I only drank liquor on very rare occasions, plus, I’ve never been drunk!) To their minds, I surely did not look the part of a “demure Christian”!
|Example of an outfit Dong preferred. – 2011|
Even as a new mother and till very recently before my conversion, I did not think twice about looking “sexy and available” even when I was not available and even when all I wanted was men’s admiration — not cellphone numbers and definitely not affairs!!!
I was what you’d call in the local tongue,maarte (girly girl) but not malandi(flirtatious).
I just wanted them to look, but they could not touch! (What a tease!)
If I were to be brutally honest, during all those many years, I really desired to be wolf-whistled,
|salaciously eyed and given lecherous stares.It boosted my self-esteem and made me feel oh so hot! Looking back, this unnatural desire to be noticed was because of my poor self-image issues. Proof of this long-standing problem with self was my decade-long battle with an eating disorder.|
In 2012, my “fulfilled dreams year“, I worked for a religious network that was owned by and whose employees were largely of a religion different from mine. (I was a devout Catholic by the way, and still am.:)
|Hosting an event -2008|
In this “independent” Christian sect, the women wore their hair long and never had them cut. They were forbidden from wearing jeans, so they always wore long skirts. They too were not allowed to wear makeup and put on jewelry. At first I found those rules too harsh.
|This one is a very long dress in A Song of Praise taping – 2012|
|TV plug shoot -2012|
For that whole year, I conformed by wearing long outfits to my TV shows and if I were to wear pants, I made sure that my tops were long enough to have my crotch area covered. I did not want to offend them or their viewers, since they were super conservative, and apparently, I was really not.
|I am the one in a long orange gown with former co-hosts|
I have since resigned from that network in early 2013 for very personal reasons, but the one whole year of wearing modest clothing eventually rubbed off on me.
To be honest, during that year, especially when I was still just weeks or months into my new work setting, I kind of missed the wolf whistles and the lewd remarks I almost always got daily in my former work place.
I even felt unattractive and un-sexy because I could not wear my usual clothes. I was not forbidden like their women were in my own choice of clothes being not of their religion, but I just felt that I owed it to the other women in the workplace who were comprised of mostly members of their sect, to look wholesome and not…. uhm..”slutty”. (That’s how I felt next to them!)
|Me, in a long skirt with members of MCGI or the Nikkalite fans 🙂 – 2012|
I have never thought of my look as“slutty“ before, but being around modestly dressed women all the time, I realized that my choice of clothes and my frame of mind regarding how I carried myself were far from Christian.
In fact, I realized, that I actually looked worldly. I didn’t outwardly express from my choice of clothes (very short, very tight, very sexy), how I inwardly felt (a great love for God).
|The birth of Isabelle was part of that change.|
When I underwent a great spiritual awakening in September of last year, 2013, along with my desire to let go and let God was my huge desire too, to be modestly clothed.
I could not explain it except to say that perhaps when I humbled myself before God, that same humble spirit permeated in all aspects of my being, including my manner of dressing.
What was inside seemed to want to be manifestedoutside.
|My lovely sister in Christ, April 🙂|
I would not be a hypocrite and say, that I now never wear short skirts (although I have no desire to wear my micro-minis anymore and my wholesome not-so-short-above-the-knee skirts I really can’t wear at the moment even if I wanted to, due to a weird breakout in my legs the past month),
but I now prefer longer skirts and more tasteful clothes over my former choices of clothes.:)
|Dong and I with his brothers and girl cousin – Jan 2014|
|Birthday of Reece – Dec 2013|
|Mother of 3 in my then usual get-up- Dec 2011|
Having lost the abnormal desire to attract attention to how I looked, I now felt happy simply being “fully clothed”. I still wear makeup (I don’t mind going “bare” though with just adab of lipstick now) and I still wear accessories (I don’t mind not wearing earrings now though, whereas HUGE earrings were a staple before.). I still love wearing very colorful clothing (You cannot take that away from me! 😉 but I do not have the urge to show off any skin anymore. 🙂
That, in and by itself is freedom!
|I still enjoy occasionally wearing comfortably short dresses. 🙂 – Christmas 2013 with family and relatives|
|Christmas Party with my college friends – Dec 2013 🙂|
|Family Outing – Dec 2013|
1 Corinthians 6:19-20
19 Or do you not know that your body is a temple of the Holy Spirit within you, whom you have from God? You are not your own, 20 for you were bought with a price. So glorify God in your body.
|Isabelle’s Baptism(top)-Dec 28,2013 and PTV reunion (below)-Jan 17,2014|
He bought me for a price so I want to glorify God now with not just how I speak, with not just how I pray, but also with how I look and how I dress. 🙂
|I usually wear a scarf now. Here’s why.:)
Jan 22, 2014
(Coming from a mini-skirt addict, this is A HUGE, as in WHOA HUGE AHA MOMENT! Oh, and I also now enjoy giving my very high heels their much-needed rest. My feet are happier now too.) 😀
May we all be richly blessed! 🙂