I do talk about not emailing/texting/messaging/calling a guy first when you haven’t started a relationship yet.  Lots of times, it can be better for him to make the first move with that. Of course, you will need to be sure to be friendly and smile at him, talk to him and show him that you are interested in him!  And, my words are not the Ten Commandments or anything.  I am sure there may be exceptions!

There are two extremes to avoid, in my view:

– doing nothing and not showing enough interest so he thinks you aren’t interested

– calling him too much, trying to rush/force/pressure him into a relationship

Could there be times it may be a good idea to call a guy first?  Sure!

Once you are in a committed relationship, that he is willingly and voluntarily investing himself into – call him whenever you want to!

Even if you are just good friends, it is probably fine to contact him if he is ok with it and he seems interested and responsive.  But, try to respond to him about as much as he responds to you.  If he sends you one email/text per day and you send him 24 emails/texts per day – it would probably be good to back down to about the same number of emails he sends to you.

If things are going well – you don’t usually have to back off.

The main times you  may want to back off is if he is not responding to you (unless he has a severe illness or work emergency or reason not to be available) or seems uninterested in talking with you, says he just wants to be friends, acts offended or smothered. Some ladies think I am saying not to ever call their boyfriend or text him or email him.  I don’t believe I have EVER said that!  If he feels pressured or pushed and he begins to back away, then stop calling him and give him some space.  That is my suggestion.  It is not a rule. But if you are in a relationship, not ever contacting him would probably tell him you are not interested in him.

There is a balance to everything – just the right amount of contact is the goal.

If a man says he is not interested in a relationship – then, I think it is important to respect him about that and not try to force him to change his mind.  Yes, he may eventually change his mind – but it is probably not good to sit around waiting if he has said this.

Some women are taking what I say to mean:

  • be mute
  • don’t talk
  • don’t say what you want
  • don’t ever tell a guy you are interested in more than friendship
  • give space to men all the time in every situation

These are NOT the things I am saying at all!!!!!

I have lots of posts where I talk about things to say, what to do, how to show respect, how to be friendly, how to flirt even.

If there is any confusion, let’s talk about it!


– there are no guarantees in life!

– relationships with people don’t follow “rules.”  I don’t intend to give “rules” but rather suggestions to prayerfully consider.

– listen to God’s Spirit much more than to my suggestions.

– trust God’s sovereignty even when things go “wrong” in a relationship that God is able to bring something good from this.

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