Handling the comments of others with grace can be difficult at times.  Often our family, friends, coworkers or church members truly mean well, but their comments can sting and wound us deeply at times – especially when the comments are about topics that are very painful for us.

As an identical twin – I have had PLENTY of experiences with people saying hurtful things:

– You look more devilish.  She looks more angelic.

– You look meaner.  She looks more angelic.

– You can look at your sister (once when we were adults, and my sister had her hair dyed blonde and was spending 2 hours/day primping herself) and see what YOU would look like IF YOU were sexy.  (Yep.  The woman said that out loud to my face at work where I was working as a pharmacist.)

– You’re the frumpy one.

– Your sister is prettier than you are.

And then, there were comments about my body/shape/appearance:

– You guys are SO flat.

– You are SO pale.

– Your legs are ugly.

– You look like a boy.

I believe one of the best things to do is to have a sweet, truthful, gentle, pre-planned answer – or, depending on your personality – a humorous pre-planned answer to some of the questions and comments you get a lot that bother you.  Then you will be prepared and can handle things in a way that honors God, but also honors your healthy boundaries.


1.  When an older lady in your family, at work or church says, “When are you going to settle down and get married?”  What can you say?  Here are some suggestions, you are welcome to share your favorite answers!

– Oh!  I am planning to get married on August 16, 2019 at 6:00pm.  It is going to be just lovely!

– Thank you for loving me and caring about my happiness.  I will be sure to let you know when I have great news about that.

–  Probably sometime after I meet an amazing, godly man and he proposes to me.

– I am trusting God to bring that about in His timing.  I’d love it if you would pray for me about this.

2.  Why aren’t you dating someone?  Is something wrong with you?

– I would love to date a godly man.  Maybe you can pray for me about that.

– It would be wonderful to date a strong Christian guy.  Thank you for wanting me to be happy.  I am looking forward to dating someone soon.  But I am very blessed by God and content with all He has done for me.  RIght now, I am focusing on …”

– It is going to have to be a really special guy to be able to handle all of this!

– I am looking into mail order husbands.  It is SO hard to find ones that speak English, this year.

3.  You aren’t getting any younger.  You better hurry up and get married and have a baby!

– Yep.

– That’s the sweetest thing anyone has ever said to me!

– I am open to whatever God has in store for me.

–  Some things get better with age!

– Thank you for your love and concern.  You are welcome to pray for me about it.

What are some of the difficult comments and questions you tend to get?  How do you respond?  Let’s talk about it!

4. When is that boyfriend of yours EVER going to propose?

– That would sure be wonderful, wouldn’t it?

– Would you like to contribute to the ring fund?

– I trust him to know when the time is right.

5. Are you two dating? (when you are NOT officially together yet)

smile and look at your man and let HIM field that question!

– We are enjoying being together – thanks for asking.

–  We’ll have to keep you posted on that.

– I would be honored to date an amazing man like him.


Boundaries and Control

The Snare of People Pleasing

Why Playing the Martyr Repels Those We Love

Using Guilt to Manipulate and Control

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