Photo by Ostap Senyuk on Unsplash

I hear from women every so often who want to try to apply biblical marriage principles – like God’s directives for wives – to sexual relationships that are outside of God’s design for marriage between one man and one woman.

One of my favorite illustrations of sex is the picture of sex being like a fire. God’s design for sex in marriage between one man and one woman is like having a fire in a fireplace. That is a beautiful, good thing.

I could make the case that biblical marriage principles might be similar to someone properly caring for a fire in a fireplace. You have a sturdy fireplace that is safe, secure, and strong. You choose the right kind of wood. You have the right amount of fuel and oxygen. You arrange the logs just right. You stoke the fire at the right time. You use your fireplace tools to maintain the fire. Then you can really enjoy the fire for as long as possible and it is beautiful.

But sex outside of God’s design is like having a fire in the middle of the living room floor.

You can’t just slap some biblical marriage principles on an unbiblical relationship and make it healthy and godly. Arranging the logs or stoking the fire on the living room carpet is not going to bless anyone. You have to put the fire out before it destroys you and burns down the whole house (your life).

There are many sexual relationships that we don’t even bat an eye at today in our culture, they seem totally normal today, but God says they are destructive for us:

– porn use
– lust
– fornication
– hooking up
– sex with a boyfriend
– sex with a fiance
– adultery
– homosexual relationships
– incest
– orgies/group sex
– transgender relationships
– pedophilia
– bestiality
– prostitution

He wants to protect us from destroying ourselves and other people by setting appropriate, healthy boundaries around His beautiful gift of sex. His boundaries are always to spare us pain and heartache.

“For you may be sure of this, that everyone who is sexually immoral or impure, or who is covetous (that is, an idolater), has no inheritance in the kingdom of Christ and God.” Eph. 5:5

We have to turn to Jesus. He can help us get out of the illicit relationship and even illicit thoughts and seek God first. We can let Him heal us and seek to honor His way of doing things. Even if it doesn’t make sense at first from our human perspective. This is part of taking up our cross and dying to ourselves to follow Him.

Here, we are talking about sexual relationships, but this principle is true in every area of our lives. When we decide to live for Christ as LORD, He gets to tell us what is right and wrong and we submit to His Word. Not the other way around. No matter what our sinful nature thinks and no matter what the world says.

His wisdom is infinitely higher than our own. It takes humility to acknowledge that.

We are much more than our particular sexual bent apart from God. Without Him, we all go our own way and do what we think is best for ourselves. But our identity is not in our sexuality or sin! We are so much more than that!

Our identity is in the fact that God created us in His image (Gen. 1:27) and that He loves us dearly. And our value is in the truth that Jesus was willing to leave heaven and die the most awful death for us so that we have a bridge to get from hell to heaven and to love and know Him. He saw that we couldn’t save ourselves. So He made a way for us. And He is the only way to God (John 14:6)

There is hope for all of us. We have all sinned in some way or another against God and His holiness (Rom. 3:23). None of us can be perfect and earn heaven and salvation. That is why Jesus came. He paid the price for our massive sin debt. We can turn totally away from our old ways to Him.

He wants to heal us and to give us the gift of a right relationship with God so we can be with Him forever in heaven. He doesn’t want to judge us. He wants to extend mercy, forgiveness, and grace. If we will turn to Him, He is ready on His end to give us a new nature, a new Spirit, a totally new life with new desires and a new purpose. He will transform our mind. Then we will see that the things He calls sin hurt us and the things He wants for us are the best things for us and for everyone around us.

Please compare everything I say to God’s Word. The Bible is the source of truth, healing, love, and Life.


Verses about sexual immorality:

How to have a relationship with Jesus

How Do I Make Things Right with God If I Have Been Having Sex with My Boyfriend?

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