A man’s world is all about mutual respect. Women tend to focus on relationships and love. And while men value love, too, a two-way flow of respect is often their first priority.
Men, in general, don’t allow people to influence them who they feel disrespect them.
They also tend not to allow people they don’t trust or respect to influence them.
Honestly, there is a lot of wisdom in this approach.
Why on earth would I want to allow someone who disrespects me to influence me? And why would I want to take the advice or receive influence from someone I can’t trust and don’t respect myself? It would be self-sabotaging if I did that.
We women have incredible power to influence our men – for good or for bad.
The wise woman builds her house, but with her own hands the foolish one tears hers down. Prov. 14:1
Let’s break it down a bit more…
Men don’t tend to respect the influence of those:
- Who give unsolicited advice.
- Whose words and actions don’t match.
- Who seem to have selfish motives.
- Who appear to be trying to manipulate or control them.
- Who have a critical, condemning spirit against them.
- Who don’t treat themselves or others with respect.
- Who act like doormats or give up their personhood in passivity.
- Who idolize them and want their approval more than God’s.
- Who lack self-control.
- Who freak out a lot or are very negative.
For your words to be meaningful and valuable to your man,
a few things generally have to happen over a significant period of time:
- He needs to know you respect the Lord above all else (I am writing for women who want to follow Christ as Savior and Lord above all else and who only date men who follow Christ wholeheartedly, as well.)
- He needs to see you take care of sin in your life first. (We all have our own sin we need to repent from to God and to others–Matt. 7:1-5.)
- He needs to see that the godly changes in your life are real and lasting.
- He needs to know you respect yourself properly, that you think rightly about God, yourself, and others.
- He needs to see that you know, beyond a shadow of a doubt, who you are in Christ, that you are unshakeable in your faith.
- He needs to know that you will stand firmly, but respectfully, against sin, abuse, or mistreatment directed toward you.
- He needs to see that, overall, you have a cooperative spirit toward him (unless he tries to lead you into sin), not a contentious one or a spirit of offense.
- He needs to know you respect him genuinely (but that you don’t condone or respect sin).
- He needs to know he is safe with you emotionally, spiritually, physically, financially, etc…
- He needs to see your Spirit-filled example and your gentle, peaceful spirit that does what is right and does not give way to hysterical fear.
- He needs for you, if you are walking with the Lord, to pray for him privately, for God’s will and His greatest glory in his life. He needs you to pray Scripture and God’s promises over him in secret before the Lord.
Over time, when your man sees you respect yourself properly, you treat him with honor, and you are a person he can respect, then he knows he can value your influence.
Mutual trust and respect boosts the love and attraction in your relationship!
As he sees that you don’t try to hurt him or treat him like he is your enemy, he knows he can feel safe with you. And he may desire you to be one of his most trusted confidantes and advisors.
Becoming a godly woman can never be about manipulating our men. It must always be simply about honoring, loving, and obeying Christ and seeking to bless our men and others.
The Peaceful Girlfriend – by Lee Ann