A guest post by Lee Ann – a single Christian woman in her early 30s:
He didn’t understand what he had done for my heart. There was no way could have in that moment. He had no idea that his one act would send me to my knees, broken before my Savior.
His world revolves around his mommy, playing ball, and cheese. He doesn’t yet know how to lie. He doesn’t yet know how to manipulate to get what he wants. He only knows what is real in his world and the moment he is in.
My sister and her family were in town for the holidays. I was playing with my 2 year old nephew. We had been playing with a ball and I scooped him up to tickle his tummy, because I knew it would make him belly laugh. I turned my head to acknowledge someone speaking to me. He said “E Ann”, and I didn’t turn around. He said it once more. I again didn’t around. He said it a little more forcefully the 3rd time and as he said it, I felt a sticky hand on my chin. He turned my face toward him and cupped my face with his hands. He smiled and said, “E Ann, I love you”. Then he gave me the stickiest, sloppiest, most perfect kiss ever. I, of course, melted. I told him I loved him at least 4 times and gave him no less than a dozen kisses. We both giggled.
In the moment, he could focus on nothing else but telling me he loved me. Nothing that was distracting me was more important that what he wanted to say to me. I let the distractions win, over him, twice. The third time I turned because his hand guided my chin. I assumed he wanted to play some more and I figured that could wait until I finished my conversation. I had no idea that what was waiting for me was a balm for my soul.
I started thinking about this interaction later in the day, when I was home alone. It suddenly dawned on me- how many times was I guilty of this very thing with God?
Things will be going so well in my life and in my walk. I feel like I am truly in sync with God and can feel His presence with me constantly. Then, I turn my focus toward something else. It is never on purpose, but I get distracted. I meet a new man; I get a promotion; a family member is gravely ill. There are so very many things that can easily grab my attention. I can feel God beckoning me, but I keep myself focused on the distraction, assuming (and I hate to admit this) that God just wants to rebuke me. I decide that He can wait and I can continue on with my distraction. I might get a promotion and feel so blessed. But, soon my work week goes from 40 hours/week to 60 or 80 hours/week. I realize that I haven’t spent time in fervent prayer in a couple of days. I might meet a wonderful man and know that God ordained our meeting. But, I start focusing more on him that Christ.
It is then that I can feel the hand of God move me where I can see only Him. The weight of my neglect hits me and I expect shame and condemnation. Instead, I feel consumed with His love for me. I don’t see anger in His eyes; I see hurt. I am brought to my knees. Just like my nephew, no distraction that I am focused on is more important to Him than having me back in His arms. God doesn’t lie and He doesn’t manipulate us to get things from us. He loves us, perfectly, because He is love!
God isn’t looking to win the big prize. He isn’t concerned with us being the best. His existence is not dependent on us. If fact, we win the big prize. We get to conform to His imagine and become the best version of ourselves, with His help. Our existence is dependent on Him.
I recently sent my new life motto to a few friends:
I want a heart that bleeds Jesus. I want to reach others in His name. I want to do small and mighty things for His kingdom. I don’t want to live in my safe bubble. I want to promote change and revival and growth. I want others to feel His presence on me. I want to love when it is hard and when it hurts. I want to make myself uncomfortable to accomplish His will. I want to surrender.
I don’t want to matter more than those around me. I truly want to pour out everything for Him. His cupped hands haven’t left my face. His love for me hasn’t lessened. His will for my life hasn’t changed.
Have you ever had a time when God used an interaction with someone to draw you to Himself?