There is a desire in a spiritually, emotionally healthy man to be the hero for a woman who will truly admire him for his character, his Christlikeness, his words, his actions, and his abilities.
Women encouraging men to be heroes is different from control or manipulation. Our ability as women in Christ to inspire our men is so much more powerful than a fleshly attempt at demanding our way or trying to force our men to do what we want. We don’t get to control other people. That is not our place. The goal isn’t to get a man to do what we want him to do – but to be the women God calls us to be. If we can learn to live in the power of the Holy Spirit, and we can learn to fully embrace the gifts God has given us as women – we have incredible power to bless, build up, nurture, and inspire our men and other people, as well.
How Can I Inspire the Hero in My Man?
Do these kinds of positive things (most of these things will bless all of our brothers and sisters in Christ):
- Seek to show faith and confidence in him whenever possible
- Look for the good in him
- Treat him like a competent adult
- If he does something that seems confusing, seek to understand his masculine perspective before assuming evil motives
- Be open to the idea of exploring his masculine world that is so different from yours in a friendly, curious, wonder-filled way
- Smile that glorious smile of yours that lights up his whole world when he does something you like or just to bless him
- Encourage his gifts, talents, and abilities
- Encourage him to dream and to follow Christ wholeheartedly
- Accept him for who he is
- Give him time to figure things out when he faces a problem/challenge rather than jumping in to do things for him
- Delight in him and enjoy him
- Be in the moment, cherishing each moment as a precious gift
- Lay down unrealistic expectations (from Hollywood, romance novels, your past, or your parents’ marriage)
- Speak highly (and truthfully) of him to him and behind his back
- Be gentle and kind with your words
- Be a safe place for him to share his heart without fear
- Hear him and what is important to him
- Be interested in what he has to say
- Appreciate the wisdom he has to share
- Thank him for anything he does or says for you that is good
- Receive gifts, kindness, compliments, etc… graciously and with a genuine smile
- Be flexible
- Be ready to extend grace
- Be able and willing to give him some space so he doesn’t feel smothered realizing that giving space can be a gift
- Appreciate him and admire the good you see in Him
- If he sins against you, address his sin gently, humbly, and respectfully, after examining your own life for sin and repenting of anything that offends God in your heart
Ways Your Own Spiritual Walk Blesses Him (and Others):
- Be filled up with Christ yourself so that you have an overflow to bring to the relationship
- Depend on Jesus for your security and identity, not any human
- Pray for him with pure motives seeking God’s best for him
- Act in great faith in God – trusting Him no matter what may happen (don’t freak out)
Ultimately, remember that each person is responsible for himself/herself – for sin, motives, emotions, words, and actions. We are not responsible for other people. We can seek to bless, inspire, love, and honor them. But we can’t change them. Each person must make his/her own decisions.
Also, just because a man wants to be my hero does not mean he is responsible for my happiness or my spiritual well-being. I am responsible for those things and I can find joy and complete spiritual well-being in Jesus.
And please keep in mind that it is possible to go too crazy with seeking to inspire him. If you give him 50 compliments a day, for example, that may be too much. There is balance with everything in the Christian walk. 🙂
Building a Solid Foundation for Marriage
God designed marriage to be a living picture of the relationship between Jesus and His church (Eph. 5:22-33). The husband is to portray Christ’s selfless, sacrificial love, provision, protection, and humble leadership that looks out for the best interests of his bride. Jesus is the ultimate hero. The wife is to portray the church’s respect, admiration, willingness to follow, cooperative spirit, and love for Jesus in the way she treats her husband.
Dating is not marriage, obviously – but a believer in Christ would only want to date someone they know God would want them to marry. And even though there will be some differences between dating and marriage, we would want to build a dating relationship in a way that would help prepare us for a godly marriage.
We’d love to hear your thoughts on this issue.
You are welcome to share the ways God has shown you how to inspire your men to feel like heroes or to share the things your men appreciate.
NOTE – In all of my posts, I am writing specifically for women who desire to live in submission to Christ as Lord of everything in their lives. And I am writing for women who also are only considering relationships/marriage with men who truly desire to live for Christ as Lord, as well. If you are in a relationship with a guy who has severe issues going on – major addictions, uncontrolled mental illness, is abusive, or is cheating on you, please don’t read my blog but seek appropriate outside help and godly counsel. (If you don’t know Jesus and would like to have a relationship with Him and to know how you can be at peace with God and in heaven when this life is over, please check out this post.)