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I think a woman can approach a man and talk with him and be friendly.  It certainly won’t work if you sit quietly in a corner and never look his way.  But I want to help keep women from approaching a man in a way that is too aggressive because many times – the aggression and forwardness will smother and repel the guy – not attract him.

This can be a tricky balance of being friendly, approachable, polite and yet not trying to force anything and not demanding anything.

Watch his body language.

  • Is he smiling at you and leaning towards you?
  • Does he look stressed and keep looking away or looking at his watch and look nervous like he wants to leave?

If you are texting/calling/emailing often, please notice:

  • Does he send  you long answers back?
  • Does he ignore your messages?
  • Does he seem to enjoy interacting with you?
  • Does he act annoyed?

If you see cues that he is uncomfortable or wants to leave, let him go and don’t pressure him again.

If he actually says NOT to contact him anymore or not to call/email/text him anymore – PLEASE GIVE HIM SPACE!

Wait on God to work, and be able to accept that he might not be a good fit for you. This is a great time to focus on the sovereignty of God and to realize you don’t have to try to force things or manipulate him or talk him into being with you.

I like the idea of just enjoying a guy in the moment, not fast forwarding ahead to MARRIAGE within 2 minutes of meeting him, not trying to get him to go on a date with you, but just enjoy the interaction, smile, be friendly and see what comes.  It is this beautiful balance between being confident in yourself as a godly woman and also trusting God’s sovereignty and not freaking out.

If a guy you are interested in does not pursue you, you can pray about it, you can make sure you are friendly and kind and admiring of him.   There may even be times to come out and say, “I’d like to get to know you better.”  or “You’re the kind of guy I could totally see myself with.”  I would think that statements like that should make your intentions pretty clear without being pushy or asking him for a commitment to marriage! 🙂

Sometimes guys have issues and they aren’t ready for a relationship – it may not have anything to do with us.  Or, he may just not feel an attraction.  That has to be ok, too.

I talk a lot about women not being smothering, controlling, demanding, forceful or aggressive when they approach a man they are interested in.

But the opposite approach is also a big problem!


If you don’t talk to guys, don’t smile at them, don’t look at them, don’t give them any indication you are aware of their presence or that you might like to get to know them – you are sending huge signals for men to stay away.  Most guys are going to respect your body language if you act like you want nothing to do with them.

You WILL have to be actively involved in this process.  I just don’t want you to try to boss a guy around.  There is this beautiful place in the middle between being too shy or not lifting a finger to show any interest in a man and being aggressive/controlling/pushy/in-his-face.  That place of balance in the middle is where I believe we need to be.  But we will continue to be ourselves – have our own personalities and unique qualities.


If you are shy – you may have to learn to push the envelope a bit – by smiling first, saying hello first, walking up to a group and introducing yourself, learning about being friendly, etc.

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