If you decide you are not going to argue with your man, here is what you will be tempted to do:
– call him and say, “I’m not fighting with you about this. Really. I am not fighting anymore with you. I just need to explain about this a bit. Here is what I think… but I am not arguing with you.”
Let me just say…
This will NOT work.
If you seriously want to communicate to your man that you are not fighting with him, the way to do that is to NOT TALK ABOUT THE ISSUE ANYMORE.
I know we want to explain and explain – and it is so tempting to think that MORE WORDS will make things better.
If you have already shared your heart, told him what you want, told him what you don’t want – and he is not willing to do what you want, here are some suggestions to prayerfully consider…
- Allow him to make his own choice.
- Be gracious about it.
- Drop the subject.
- Pray and trust God’s sovereignty.
- Sometimes, your man needs time to think. Sometimes he will change his mind in time when he sees that you really trust him.
- Sometimes he will decide that he is going to do something you don’t like. That’s ok. There will be times you don’t get your way in life. Amazingly, God is able to bring good out of things even if your man made a mistake. This experience may help him make wiser decisions later. Or, it may teach you more about trusting God instead of self.
- Sometimes the decision you were totally against will make much more sense in hindsight and you will THANK GOD and thank your man that he didn’t listen to you.
- Sometimes it will be obvious later that your way would have been better. That is a perfect chance to show faith in your man and to respect him and not say, “I told you so” but show him that you know he’ll do better next time and that you believe in him. Sometimes we learn more from our mistakes than from our good choices.
- If he is definitely wrong, you may want to consider how to make an appeal in my post “Spiritual Authority” (particularly once you are married.)
- if he is sinning against you, it is important to gently show him his sin and tell him he is hurting you. He may need a bit of time to process things. If he will not repent, then it may be time to seek godly counsel or to back up in the relationship or possibly even to break up depending on the situation.
if you have a difficult issue, you are welcome to comment and I will be glad to talk about things with you. :). I will do my best to point you to Christ and His Word.