From a reader with her permission:
My very first relationship was with a guy who I knew, pretty early on, wasn’t right for me. He was promiscuous, dishonest and manipulative. Although I noticed those things, it took me a long time to break up with him because I was terrified to disappoint him or hurt his feelings.
I wanted to be kind and sensitive more than anything.
When I eventually broke up with him, he revealed the extent of his dishonesty and infidelity towards me throughout the entire relationship and I ended up with deep emotional pain that took years to heal.
If I hadn’t been so “polite” and just broken up with him when I noticed his negative qualities, I would have saved myself a lot of heartache.
I learned the hard way that if a guy isn’t right for me, I need to break up with him and stick to my guns no matter how hurt and sad he seems or how hard he tries to change my mind. Not responding to his phone calls, texts or email messages is crucial. It may seem rude but it’s an essential way to say, “No,” and stick to it.
FROM PEACEFUL WIFE:
Women are often afraid to be “rude” to men who are mistreating them and sinning against them. Sometimes, we value not hurting a man’s feelings so much that sometimes we avoid obeying God. We tolerate sin when we should be standing firmly against it. Of course, every guy will sin sometimes. But if there are major unrepentant sins going on in a man’s life, and scripture teaches this is not a man we are free to marry or to associate with, that is a big STOP sign.
Let’s value God’s priorities and His instructions for us much more than the feelings of any human. Yes, we want to treat people with dignity, godly love, and respect. BUT – we also need to put God first. By a long shot! This means, we always choose to obey God and honor His will for our lives, even if it might upset someone.
- “If anyone comes to Me and does not hate his father and mother and wife and children and brothers and sisters — yes, even his own life — he cannot be My disciple. And whoever does not carry his cross and follow Me cannot be My disciple.… Luke 14:26-27
- Do not be misled: “Bad company corrupts good character.” 1 Cor. 15:33
- You must not associate with anyone who claims to be a brother or sister but is sexually immoral or greedy, an idolater or slanderer, a drunkard or swindler. Do not even eat with such people. 1 Cor. 5:11
- Do not be unequally yoked with unbelievers. For what partnership has righteousness with lawlessness? Or what fellowship has light with darkness? 2 Cor. 6:14
- She is free to be married to whom she wishes, only in the Lord. 1 Cor. 7:39
Nothing else can come close to our level of devotion, love, worship, honor, and adoration for Jesus. If the Bible says we are not to be with someone, our devotion to God has to come first. We are to love people, that is the Second Greatest Commandment. But the First Greatest Commandment is that we are to love the Lord with all our hearts, minds, souls, and strength. Our love for Him has to be infinitely greater than our love for any person. We are to be careful to choose friends, boyfriends, and potential husbands wisely. There are some guys we are not free to hang around. Not if we want to honor and obey the Lord. We must choose a guy who loves the Lord above all else and who wants to submit to His Lordship – without any pushing or prodding from us.
Dating an Unbeliever (This also includes men who profess Christ but who clearly do not live for Him as Lord, who have no fruit of the Spirit in their lives.)
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