Hey April, 

I am hoping that you can address the following on your blog –

The Bible says that “He who is joined to the Lord, is one spirit with Him.” (1 Cor. 6:17)  In this period of my life, I am learning about intimacy with God.  I am joining myself to him (or I should say he is drawing me to himself) more and more each day.  

I struggle with  understanding what I should expect from a marriage relationship if I should be getting everything I need from God.  What should this future “oneness” with a spouse look like?

I always hear that as a single one should learn that God is your protector, provider, and lover.  If I make God my all, will I have room for a husband?

Thanks in advance for your reply!

God will be in the supreme place of worship in your life – your life will revolve around him.  But then when a husband is in your life, you will learn a new level of trusting God as you trust God to lead you THROUGH your husband.  It is the ultimate test of a woman’s faith, in my view… to learn how our sovereign God works and guides through the decisions of a sinful husband.  Pretty amazing stuff.
You WILL have room for  a husband – but not for him to be an idol.  Your life will be securely anchored in Christ- your purpose and identity will be in Him.  But then you will also take on new roles as a wife and a new identity as a wife – naming the name of your husband.  You will be one with Jesus spiritually and find the bulk of your emotional and spiritual needs met in Him.  So then you will be unshaken no matter what your husband does or does not do.  Then you are strong in yourself apart from your husband – and if he does wonderful things, you will be delighted.  But if he sins and hurts you, you will still be ok – because you will just continue being a godly wife to honor Jesus, knowing He is going to reward you.
It is  a lot of learning to die to self in marriage – marriage will take your faith to new heights as you have to grapple in the real world with the concepts you have learned about Jesus and you will be putting feet to your faith  – learning to genuinely forgive and not hold grudges, learning to repay good for evil, learning to be accountable and responsible to God for your obedience and your sin but not trying to control your husband.
There will be plenty of room in your heart for your husband.  What you learn in marriage makes you grow closer to God.  And what you learn about Jesus will open your eyes to more understanding about your husband and marriage.

I set my heart primarily on Christ.  I constantly examine my motives and priorities and desires and make sure that CHRIST is my biggest focus, my primary goal, my main purpose in life.  I purposely set my heart on desiring to know Him more, to obey Him, to love Him more, to seek His presence and to spend time with Him.

I die to self – which means – I lay down everything else in my life, all that I have, all that I am, all that I want, all that I hope for  – and I say, “Not my will, but Yours be done!”

I willingly surrender my rights, my goals, my dreams, my plans, my will, my purpose, my wisdom, my feelings, my pain, my health, my future, my money, my emotions, my intellect, my body, my thoughts, my identity, my understanding – to Him.

I allow Him the freedom to change anything in me that He wants to.  I allow Him to point out anything that offends Him and I immediately get rid of it.  I am willing to obey Him no matter what He asks me, no matter if I understand it, no matter if I like it, no matter if I want to do it.

He becomes the center, the focus of my life.

I spend my emotional, mental and spiritual energy praising God, meditating constantly on His Word, waiting joyfully on Him, looking for His hand working in my life, singing praise songs in my heart to God, praying continually.

I learn to feast on His Word and seek time with Him.  I learn to be still before Him and listen and WAIT.   A LOT.  I learn to desire His will, His way, His glory, His purpose, His plans, His wisdom, His design, His joy.  Until there is nothing on earth I want but Him.  Until I am content as long as I have Him – then all the other stuff begins to not matter that much.

Then I pray for His glory and His purpose and His will to be done in my life – even though I don’t know the details of what that will mean.  And when things happen, I seek His direction.  I give myself fully to Him and offer my life to whatever He thinks is best.  I don’t run ahead.  And I know that He is using all things for my good and His glory because I love Him.

Then I can hold everything else loosely in my hands – whether it is the desire for  a husband, or a new house, or a job, or healing, or a certain ministry, or having children, or whatever it is – I trust Him to bring it about and to empower me to do it and I know it is for His glory not my selfish desires.


Oneness in marriage will mirror the oneness you have with God – but it will not come anywhere near as close to what you have with God.  It will be the most powerful and intimate human relationship possible.

Some of the keys of oneness with a husband are some of the same keys to spiritual oneness with God:

  • being open to his ideas
  • saying you you feel and what you want humbly and respectfully
  • not arguing
  • thinking more about what is best for him than what is best for you
  • putting his needs first
  • realizing that he looks at life very differently from you, but he is not wrong – he actually has a whole new perspective and wisdom to offer that will broaden your understanding of life and the world
  • being receptive to him spiritually/emotionally/sexually (in marriage – not with God!)


I look at it as I have all of my faith hanging from a hook that is securely fastened to Jesus.  When I am married, I also have a hook of faith hanging from my husband – but it is a much smaller hook – and my weight is actually supported by Jesus. So if the small hook fails, I may fall a few inches, or a foot – but the cord that has my primary faith weight is secure and unshaken.

I hope that helps!

Please comment or email me again if it is still unclear!

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