When I was 22 years old, I got really mad at God about what I perceived to be unanswered prayer and turned away from him. I tossed out my Bible and prayer books and wanted nothing to do with Christ ever again.
I told myself that if I fell in love with a good man, he would be able to replace God in my life.
I became desperate, eager and needy towards every guy I met. I was completely desperate for a man to choose me, love me and cherish me. It was so bad that guys would realize that I had a problem, cut me off completely and avoid me like the plague.
During that time, I also became obsessed with celebrities. I would fantasize about being with a certain singer or actor and believed that being loved by him would heal my wounds, fill the holes in my heart and make me happy.
When I was 30 years old, I broke up with a guy who was not right for me. He did not want the relationship to end and keep calling me, trying to make me feel sorry for him and take him back. I firmly said no but I was filled with sorrow and guilt for having hurt him.
A Day at the Beach
I went to the beach by myself to clear my head and started crying. I tried my best to cover my face but within seconds, a woman saw me crying and approached me. She sat with me and asked me what was wrong. I told her the story and she sat with me, giving me advice and compassion.
She then asked me twice “Do you want to receive Jesus?”
I said, “No,” both times.
She stayed with me and kept chatting with me about my situation and then asked me for a third time, “Do you want to receive Jesus?”
I said “No. I don’t trust Him.”
She asked me why and I explained to her that I prayed a lot about certain family problems and God didn’t do anything to improve things so I don’t trust Him anymore.
She then said “My mother died last year. Do you think I should blame Jesus for that?”
I said, “No,” and she said “Come on. Receive Jesus”
I held her hand and she led me in a brief prayer, “Dear Jesus, I accept you as my Lord and Savior. From now on, I will live my life in your way and no longer in my way”
I instantly felt a heat come into me and when I opened my eyes, the whole world seemed to be on fire and I was happy and laughing. I knew the Holy Spirit had entered me, set me on fire and would never leave me.
I went to a bookstore the very next day and bought a Bible and starting reading it every day. Within a month, I started going to church again and I’ve been committed to Christ every day.
It still took a lot of work and prayer over years to heal from idolatry and “forgive” God for what I thought he did wrong but now I have a solid relationship with Christ.
I’m now happily married to a good man but I keep Jesus on the throne of my heart. I don’t look to my husband to be the source of my happiness, security or peace. I keep that for Christ and Christ alone. I don’t pressure my husband to be Christ for me so he can relax and enjoy our life together.
The bottom line is that we all need Jesus first and foremost. No human being can ever replace Him.
Wherever you are and whoever you are, seek fulfillment in Christ and Christ alone.
The ABC’s of SALVATION
- Admit you are a sinner and you can’t be perfect and holy enough in God’s eyes to be right with Him on your own. Turn away from your sin. “For all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God.” Rom. 3:23
- Believe that Jesus died on your behalf to pay the price for your sin and to give you a way to be right with God – to be forgiven. “The wages of sin is death, but the gift of God is eternal life through Christ Jesus, our Lord.” Rom. 6:23
- Confess that Jesus is your Lord – this means, Jesus is now your Master and you live your life for Him and His glory rather than for yourself. You say it out loud to others and you live it from now on. “If you confess with your mouth, “Jesus is Lord,” and believe in your heart that God raised Him from the dead, you will be saved. For with your heart you believe and are justified, and with your mouth you confess and are saved.” Rom. 10:9-10