This is a guest post written by a 58 year old single brother in Christ who knows the pain of desiring to be married and knows the healing and blessing God can bring as He transforms our attitudes – and here he is talking about when there isn’t an option of getting married right then:
Several months ago, I was spending a great deal of time with a man who is pretty close to my age. This man (Jack) was telling me that he had not had sexual relations with a woman for many years. Jack is single. He kept asking me if sexual relations before marriage is wrong. I kept on giving him the same answer – sexual relations before marriage is wrong and sinful. He kept saying, “But sex is so beautiful, so natural……how can God expect us to remain pure in the area of sexual relations?” His desires for sexual contact were SO strong. He was trying to live the Christian life, but couldn’t understand how God could deny him this precious gift of sex.
I had to share my thoughts with Jack. First, I told Jack that I am a man, too. I understand the deep desire that men have for sex because I am a man and I have those same desires for sex as well. I wasn’t born with the gift of singleness. For 45 years of my life, I was a miserable, lonely, tearful man… longing for female companionship, longing for God to bring a special woman into my life, longing to love a woman, and longing for sexual intimacy. I had convinced myself that the pain that I was feeling during those years HAD to be WORSE than anybody else’s pain. I was REALLY hurting. Badly hurting!!! I understood Jack’s feelings. But I also knew that God says “no” to protect us, not to hurt us. He wants us to wait for marriage for VERY good reasons. But I had something else to share with Jack:
Much of the pain that Jack was experiencing was a lack of connection with women. That lack of connection made him feel even more lonely. I encouraged Jack to just start loving all women in very appropriate ways. “Jack, pray for women. Do nice things for women. Compliment women with sincere compliments. Be a blessing in their lives. Listen to them. Laugh with them. Cry with them. Be a friend to them. Try to put yourself in their shoes. REALLY LISTEN to them. Help them in whatever way that you can help them. Love them. Don’t just love being around them. LOVE THEM. Ask God to give you a deep, caring love for them. Jack, if you will start loving women in these ways, you will start to rejoice in knowing that you are touching their hearts, making their days so much brighter. You will feel more connected with them and less lonely. Your sexual desires can be at least somewhat fulfilled simply by loving women with acts of kindness, prayer, sincere compliments, etc…”
I don’t think Jack really understood where I was coming from. He kept repeating, “I’m so lonely. My last relationship was this and that.” I kept saying, “Jack, just LOVE women. God will help you with your desires. Draw close to Him.”
I am free in Christ. Jesus loves me. He has placed me into a relationship with Him. He has promised me a PERFECT ETERNAL love life with Him and with all of the saints in the New Heaven and New Earth. And in the meantime, I can still love all women. I know my role on this earth. And one day, I will experience perfect fulfillment in my eternal love life. I don’t feel cheated at all. I feel very much loved and very much blessed by God. I hope that Jack can come to a point in his life when he can feel blessed as well.
God bless you always.
How has God given you strength to walk in victory in the midst of your desires for marriage, sex, and a close romantic relationship? How are you struggling? Let us know so we can pray for and encourage you. <3
Submitting Sexual Desires to the Lord – by a 40 year old single Christian man (who has since married)