comm7This is a guest post from a single Christian man.  I appreciate his perspective, and welcome the comments of others – because I think this concept is one that women don’t think about that much, but it is REALLY important to men.  (I am assuming here that the man you are committing yourself to is a godly man, who puts Christ squarely first in his life!)

It seems when I try to define what I’m thinking of sometimes, it gets a bit weird because I can only think of it in terms of marriage and what I would want out of a wife, but a lot of times that works, so I’ll go on in hopes of that. Those who are more experienced will have to fill in the rest.

That said, I used the word loyalty, which is hard to expand on in terms of meaning because most will catch onto what I’m getting at. Maybe the issue is more application of it? To use a pop culture phrase:

I’m thinking in using the word loyalty in terms of if the wife is on Team Marriage (in essence Team Her Man) or is she on Team Her Friends or Team Herself or Team Her Family or (you get it).

  • Respect is part of this.
  • Trust is part of this.
  • Self-control is a part of this.
  • Keeping your word is part of this.
  • Submission is probably the biggest part of this.

I’m sure there’s things I’m forgetting that’s a part of this. You’ve addressed several pieces of this at different times that I’ve read this blog. But a simple way to state it in terms of how the man thinks:

Are you for me (essentially us/the marriage) or against me?

This means if a issue comes up in the life of the marriage, the husband, or wife – your interests aren’t any place other than your husband and his interests as he works in the marriage. If there are financial difficulties, you as a wife work with him and support him and don’t work against him by making purchases outside of his efforts for the family without complaining or expect frivolous things that will be a burden upon the family finances. Or with the children, he decides something with them and you as a wife countermand him.

In other words, you do as the Tammy Wynette song says and “Stand by Your Man” and don’t rebel against your husband (and the Lord). You take 1 Samuel 15:23 seriously. You work with your husband and for his interests and not against him. You be Sarah and don’t be Jezebel. You be the Proverbs 31 woman. You be the woman that willfully and cheerfully takes the home side of the burden off his back so he doesn’t have to worry about it. You be the Comforter in the flesh for your husband (the best you can). You be loving, faithful, patient, wise (see 1 Samuel 25 for a very good example), safe, and active.

This goes into the dating and relationship world simply by term of measure.

If a woman hasn’t earned my trust enough to marry her, yet does something disloyal, why should I trust her with more?

She couldn’t handle a small measure of something (gossip, undependable, whatever), how can she handle a large measure of something (marriage)?


Here is a quote from another single Christian man:

It’s really alien to men to do this. I’ve heard (very ungodly) men talking in a derogatory and lewd way about women who they don’t know — i.e. some woman they’ve observed somewhere — but never about their own wives.


Maybe we have such a concept of loyalty based on how we were raised as men. Team events, working on things together, shared sacrifice, and so on. Maybe we get to see and live these things more than women do? It seems that way, especially since the concept of loyalty and mutual respect (by this I mean not “invading” into the worlds of other men) seem to be present in men much more so than women. But it shouldn’t be something that women can’t relate to, because there are things that men could be doing that would upset a woman in the same terms of “loyalty” that men answer to in life.

Women don’t think of talking about our husbands as being disloyal to their husbands, in my view, but more as confiding and being close to their girl friends by “sharing everything.”   We desire empathy, sympathy, understanding, affirmation and emotional connection from our friends.  We want to be “real” and “honest” and “transparent” with them.  But, I would like us to think about the cost.  It is time for us as women to learn to have discretion and to learn to close ranks around our husbands, protecting our marriages and guarding our husbands’, not “airing his dirty laundry” with others.  We have a covenant relationship with our husband – not our girl friends or sisters or extended family!  Maybe it could be appropriate at times for us to share with a godly mentoring wife, but not with others.  I desire for us to learn and master loyalty, understanding it is a HUGE part of respecting our men – Peacefulwife

Perhaps maybe the “would I like my husband doing this with his friends involving me” test would be appropriate? I don’t know how well women can relate to such a thing (nor if I can easily think of something a wife would be irate at if a husband shared it with his friends).

I don’t know how much my attempt to describe what I meant by loyalty hits home, but there’s my attempt. I pray it finds some use to bless others.

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